Brotherhood
by Ciel the Hedgehog
Summary: Shadow the Hedgehog believes he can tackle any challange that comes his way. When he moves in with his chaotic brothers, he's about to find out just how wrong he is.
1. Welcome Home!

**Hey folks, Ciel is back! I'm placing this in the General/Humor category, because it has most genres in this, but humor is a bit more prevalent than the others. I'm not the best humor-wise, so bear with me, 'kay?**

**Anyway, this story takes place after _Triple Shadows: Remix,_** **but before any of my other stories. This is just the various misadventures of Shadow and his brothers. I hope you all enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shadow, Rouge and all those guys, they are Sega's. I don't own Playstation as a company thing either. I do own, however, Gemini, Ciel, and all other stuffage. Joy.

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It was a normal day in Station Square. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the people were…well, today, a lot of the people were staring. At what, you ask? Well, the center of their attention was Shadow the Hedgehog. The Ultimate Lifeform, for one thing, never showed his face much around the area, especially not in the day. Secondly, he was carrying in one hand a suitcase, which was an oddly bright purple. In the other hand was a small slip of paper, which the hedgehog's bloody-red eyes were fixed on. No one got in his way, fearing he would pull out his trusty pet gun and shoot them. However, they didn't know he wouldn't have noticed anyway, for his eyes were glued to whatever was written on the paper slip.

"I wouldn't think an apartment complex would be so hard to find," he muttered darkly, "but no, it has to be at the busiest place in the whole god-damned city! At least there could be a sign or something!" At this point, the ever observant hedgehog walked straight into a rather large sign that read, "Station Square Apartments," with a blue arrow pointing off to the right.

After a bit of cursing, Shadow marched over to the large group of houses, eyes glued to the paper in his hands. Address 219, third floor. Making sure not to trip as he walked up the flight of stairs, a small flyer tacked to the wall caught his eye. The words "Club Rouge" were written in bold at the top, instantly reminding Shadow as to why he had come in the first place.

* * *

_You see, Rouge the Bat, who happened to be Shadow's best friend (and perhaps more, not that he'd say) had ask him a question. It was, she claimed, quite important. Of course, Shadow had agreed to hear what it was (because if he didn't this wouldn't even be mentioned), and this is what had happened._

_"Now Shadow, this is a very important question," the bat explained, "so you have to listen closely."_

_"I'm all ears," he had replied coolly. She grinned, blushing a little, and said,_

_"Well, I've been having a bit of trouble at Club Rouge, and I'm going to have to pilfer some extra jewelry. And…I was wondering if you could, you know…help."_

_"Help? How would I do that?" Shadow asked. He then noticed her eyeing the Chaos Emerald he had found last week, with that thieving stare she got when she wanted something, and then stared at her, eyes widened. "You aren't going to sell MY emerald, are you?"_

_"Oh, was I looking at the emerald again? Must have spaced off…but no, I'm not thieving your emerald. Yet." Rouge answered, Shadow sighing in relief (He had apparently not heard that last bit). "I was thinking you could become my thieving apprentice, and help me get more loot!" The black hedgehog stared at her like she was crazy._

_"That's it?" He asked, as if he had just been asked to do some incredibly easy task, like shoot something to his heart's content. "Learn to steal a few gems? That's easy!" Rouge grinned mischievously at this._

_"Good then, we'll meet at your place for the first lesson! See you then!" With that, Rouge had flown off, and Shadow froze._

_"My place?" He muttered. In truth, he hadn't really lived anywhere. At the time, he had been keeping his stuff over at the Ark for_ _safe keeping, but that was about it. No way Rouge would meet him there! What was he to do?

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_

So, that was why he was here. He wasn't getting a lousy apartment of his own, surely! Instead, he had gotten convinced to move in with his brothers, Gemini and Ciel, who already had an apartment. It was easy, not too expensive, and they had been fine with letting him move in. They probably wouldn't be much of a bother anyway.

"213, 215, 217…ah, here it is!" The Ultimate Lifeform stopped in front of the apartment, the number 219 on the side. Much to his surprise, there were two pieces of paper stuck to the door.

The first was written in bright red ink, in very sloppy writing. It read, No trespassing, or you shall be smacked, sliced, burned, tortured and tossed into the streets! This means YOU, all you damn salespeople and girl-scouts! This lovely note was accompanied by a picture of stick-figures in many harmful positions at the bottom. How nice, Shadow thought.

The second letter was somewhat cheerier. It was written in decent handwriting with a pencil, and was considerably less-threatening. Shadow, we're busy at the moment, so don't be annoyed if we don't answer the door. Just come right in, we won't mind. Be careful of the mess, though. –Ciel.

"What the hell am I getting into?" Shadow wondered. In fact, he wasn't even sure why he was going through this much trouble for Rouge. It was mostly the fact that he didn't want her to think lowly of him (damn pride), but a small part of him said it was because he liked her, and wanted to please her by being responsible. Of course, this idea was squandered, and was thought of no more. Shrugging it off, he opened the door hesitantly, hoping not to see any disembodied limbs on the floor.

The apartment's living room was average size, with a small kitchen area to the left, and three doors in the back. A couch was placed in front of the TV (with a Playstation 2 plugged in), and a rather large bookshelf was placed on the wall to the right. Gemini was busy cleaning up the bookshelf (which contained a large amount of magical looking tomes and objects), and Ciel was attempting to clean a large splotch off the wall (which he had been trying to do for the past twenty minutes, and the sponge was now dirtier than the spot) At the sound of the door opening, both heads turned.

"You made it!" Ciel cried, glomping the unfortunate Shadow in a hug. "We thought you weren't gonna' show up! It's great to see you!"

"Ciel…It's nice to see you too, but you can let go now…" Shadow muttered. "Now I know how Sonic feels" The overly excited hedgie let the other one go, giving the Ultimate Lifeform a chance to breathe.

"He was rather impatient for once," Gemini said, chuckling a little. "He made sure we cleaned the place up before you arrived. Tell you the truth, I'm surprised you actually decided to stay here in the first place."

"Well, I showed up, didn't I?" Shadow asked. The other two nodded in reply. Shadow looked at them, it was freaky how much they looked alike. Recently, Shadow had found out that Professor Gerald, his creator, had created two other hedgehogs at the same time he made Shadow (Shadow was, surprisingly, created after them, technically being younger, but only by a few minutes).

The "oldest" of the twins was Gemini. He shared Shadow's fur color and quills, but his stripes and eyes were a slightly darkened sky blue, as were the three locks of hair that hung over his face. Gemini preferred to wear clothes, and was wearing a gray jacket with yellow stripes, a pair of rather baggy jeans, and a pair of sunglasses that never left his face. While Shadow could control Chaos Energy, Gemini had the freak ability to control Dark Energy. He was also the one who had written the death-threat on the door, stick figures and all.

The other brother, Ciel, was also similar to Shadow. However, his stripes and eyes were bright yellow, and he sported a pair of rather large wings instead of quills on his back. Ciel's clothes were a white shirt and boots, both with dark blue designs. Unlike his brothers, Ciel was actually non-temperamental and nice, though quite childish. He also had some status that Shadow didn't fully understand, but it basically made it so Ciel technically lived off of the Life Energy of other beings (despite it's similarity to a vampire, Ciel despised being called such, instead calling himself a vamparagus).

Despite their oddness, it turned out that they were now Shadow's family, and he would be stuck with them for the rest of his immortal life (for they were technically immortal too), whether he liked it or not.

"So, want to see your room?" Ciel asked cheerfully. Grabbing his suitcase, Shadow nodded, and followed his brothers through his new home. So far, except for the note and the glomping, everything seemed alright. However, Shadow had a feeling that he was going to end up with more than he bargained for. Much more…

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**Well, that chapter was basically the introduction to the story, and explains a bit for the people who haven't read the prequel (more info on Ciel and Gemini on my profile). It's not that funny yet, but it will be later on (including next chapter). Oh, and I have NO CLUE where this story is going, so if you have an idea or suggestion about something, please tell me! I would love to hear from you all! Well, tell me what you think of this! See you soon!**


	2. House Rules

**Hello everyone, I hope you all had a happy holiday! To celebrate, I wrote up chapter 2 for ya'! Enjoy!**

**Note: Although I will try to keep everyone generally in-character, they will sometimes be OOC. But hey, they almost always are in humor fics, right? Oh, and I also do not own Final Fantasy, that's Square Enix's job. In fact, all I own here is Ciel and Gemini. Too bad. End of note.

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Shadow, after being shown his room, had been left alone to unpack. The bedroom was small and cozy, with a bed in one corner. There was a window looking outside, and a small night-light that no one had bothered to unplug.

He had no complaint, so the red-streaked hedgehog groaned at the bright-purple suitcase in his hands, but it had been the only one he had been able to find. Opening the suitcase, he was surprised to find a note inside.

Glad you decided to find yourself a place, sugar! I'll be seeing you soon, and remember: I have eyes everywhere! Later, Shaddie! –Rouge.

The letter was signed in soft writing, and sealed with a lip-stick kiss mark. Definitely Rouge. Shadow was clueless as to when and how the thief had managed to sneak it in, but at least nothing appeared stolen.

First, Shadow removed a few clothes (for those rare instances in which he had to dress up), some spare socks, a toothbrush (Maria had made the importance of hygiene quite clear), the keys to the Ark, a miscellaneous CD (some band called Linkin Park), and finally, a small leather case.

The Ultimate Lifeform looked around the room, making sure no one was watching. Then slowly, ever-so slowly, he unlocked the case, and pulled out his prize possession. A beautifully crafted, 100 percent reliable…Machine Gun.

"Yes," Shadow whispered, holding the metal toy close to his chest-fur. "My precious, we're home now! You're happy to be out of that stuffy bag, aren't you precious? Yes, preeeeecioousssssss…"

"Shadow, who're you talking to?" Shadow whipped his head around to come face- to-face with Ciel, who had just entered the room (Shadow had not heard the knock). Shadow thought for a minute, wondering how he could explain this, coming up with the perfect lie for the situation.

"Uhmm…no one?" Indeed, the perfect lie was quite lame. His winged brother's eyes drifted over to the prized gun in Shadow's grasp. The Ultimate Lifeform grumbled a few curses under his breath.

"Is that a gun?" Ciel asked, totally oblivious to his brother's current awkwardness.

"Yeah…" Shadow replied.

"Was that who you were talking to?"

"Maybe…" Oddly, instead of calling the nearest mental institute, Ciel just smiled cheerfully.

"Okay then!" He exclaimed. "Have a nice time with that." Shadow raised an eyebrow.

"You just caught me talking with an inanimate object, and you just say Okay?" He asked. "Are you crazy?"

"Maybe a little, but I'm used to it," The yellow-striped hedgie motioned toward Gemini's room. "Gemini talks to his stuff all the time! It's especially creepy when he starts talking to the characters in his video games. There's this one character, it's in some Final Fantasy game, but he keeps talking to her, and it's reeeeeally weird. Oh, by the way, Gemini wanted to see you about something. Good luck!" With that, Ciel skipped (yes, skipped) out of the room, leaving the ever-confused Shadow alone.

"Note to self; hide Sir Gunny better," he muttered, referring to his "pet" weapon. After carefully putting it back in its case, and putting the rest of his stuff in the dressers that occupied the room, he went back to the living room.

Gemini was sitting on the couch, twirling a lock of his hair between his fingers. He nodded as Shadow approached, which was a sign to sit down, which Shadow did.

"Well, now that you're finished packing," Gemini began, "we have to go over the house rules."

"Rules?" Shadow asked. "What rules?"

"The rules the landlord put down, with a few additions by yours truly. Break any of them, and somebody isn't going to be really happy, in any case." The Ultimate Lifeform growled in his head, he hated rules. That's why he went against them all the time, especially at Sonic's house.

"Alright, here are the rules," Gemini began. "No use of weapons in-doors, no illegal drugs or stuff, keep house clean, blah blah blah, and yeah, that's the landlord's rules."

"I s'pose it makes sense," Shadow agreed reluctantly. "What about your rules?"

"Oh, I'm getting to that brother. Let's see…oh yes, my rules. Okay, don't enter my room on any circumstances, don't touch my stuff unless I say so, don't let sales-people in AT ALL COSTS, your items are your problem, and…Ciel is not allowed to go into the kitchen whatsoever, and no pets unless everyone in the house agrees on it. Oh, and I don't count guns as pets, so you can keep that."

"How did you know that?" Shadow asked. "Besides, those rules are…"

"Excellent? Perfect? Totally acceptable? Yes, I know they are. Now, I'm off to my room, enjoy yourself." With that, Gemini got up and walked to his chamber, which was marked by a black door with a large "KEEP OUT" sign posted on the front. Shadow growled.

"I would keep quiet about it if I were you," Ciel said. "Gemini can be really eccentric, and it's not a good idea to upset him about something. Then again, you already knew that." The red-streaked hedgehog nodded, remembering how eccentric his brother had been during their first encounter.

"Alright," Shadow said, "Anything else I need to beware of? Are there monsters under the bed too?"

"No, all the monsters are probably under the couch. That's where all the crumb-trails from the fridge stop." Ciel had said this as if he was talking about an article in the news, while Shadow's eyebrow rose.

"Come on, there aren't such things as monsters under the couch," he replied. "I was being sarcastic!"

"You were?" The childish brother asked. "I'm still learning about sarcasm. It's confusing. Well, call me if you need anything!" Ciel then skipped off again, leaving Shadow alone on the couch. The now-lone hedgehog decided to go to his room, although he almost swore something under the couch growled.

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**Don't worry, you'll see what exactly is under there later. Next time, why you should never let Shadow (or any other hedgehog, for that matter) commandeer a police car. See you all then!**


	3. Never Let A Hedgehog Drive A Car

**Well, my Winter Break ends tomorrow, so I decided I should probably write up this chapter before I get too busy again. Disclaimer is the same as last time.

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Shadow's first night in the apartment went generally well. There were a few odd noises in the night, but not much other than that. However, he was a night owl, and tended to fall asleep around midnight, tonight being no exception. However, his horrors started at six a.m. sharp.

"Rise and shine Shadow! It's time to wake up!" Shadow rolled over, coming out of his doze to see Ciel staring down at him.

"Can't you let me sleep Ciel?" The Ultimate Lifeform asked. His eyes widened at the numbers on the clock. "Seriously, this is way too early to wake up!"

"Oh…sorry," The winged hedgehog replied. "I usually have to wake Gemini around this time. He has to go to work early most of the week." Shadow shrugged, not really caring as he groggily got up. Ciel eventually left the room, and Shadow stretched a bit before heading out to the living room.

"It's about time you got here," Gemini exclaimed, as is he had been waiting forever. "Get your shoes on, we're heading out."

"Out where?" The exclamation was quite sudden, and he had no interest of going anywhere. In fact, all Shadow wanted was to get back in bed, and sleep for the next five hours. Unfortunately, the look his brother was giving him decided against it.

"I have to go out to grab some groceries," The blue-striped hedgehog explained. "Since you're up, I thought you'd prefer to pick your own share of the food instead of having me pick for you. Besides, you have nothing else to do, do you?" Before he could reply, Gemini had already grabbed a jacket and walked out the door, so Shadow didn't have time to say anything. Soon, all three brothers had left the house.

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It had taken a while, but they eventually grabbed all the food they needed for a while. By now, Shadow was awake, though still wishing he stayed in bed. At the moment, the trio of black hedgehogs were walking home, each of them carrying a bag. Suddenly, a loud screech sounded through the air.

"SOOOOONNIIIIIIC!" Right behind them, Amy Rose had once again mistaken Shadow for her darling Sonic, and was running at him full-speed. She had recently been practicing her running skills, and was considerably faster than before. Shadow could still outrun her easily, but his still sleep-deprived mind didn't think of that. Instead, he did what any sensible person would do to get away from a stalker; hide in the nearest available spot. Without a moment's hesitation, Shadow jumped into a nearby car via an open window, Gemini and Ciel following right behind him. In her blind Sonic-spree, Amy didn't notice, and instead stopped in place, wondering where her dear Sonikku had disappeared to. With him gone, the bubbly pink hedge-girl remembered her overdue eye-checkup, and walked off to schedule an appointment.

"That was close," Shadow muttered when she left. He uncurled himself from his spot under the steering wheel, taking in the car's details. It was a rather small vehicle, with a rather odd white-and-black paint job. On top of the car were two lights, one red and the other blue. The inside was relatively clean, save for a wallet, a shiny gold badge, and a few donut crumbs. Any normal person would have realized that this, in fact, was a police car, but Shadow was no normal person (in fact, he had barely explored the planet and its inhabitants at all, much less seen a police car). Instead, he only noticed the keys dangling from the slot near the steering wheel.

The Ultimate Lifeform remembered driving some cars before, especially during the Black Arm invasion. He remembered it having been quite fun, driving around and blasting anything he couldn't run over. As an added bonus, this car was small enough for his feet to reach the accelerator. An evil smirk came across his face. Why not take a spin, for old time's sake? Putting his grocery bag on the passenger seat, Shadow sat himself down in the driver's spot, quickly turning on the ignition. The police car hummed to life, as Ciel and Gemini noticed from their spots in the back seat that the car was on.

"Shadow, what are you doing?" Ciel asked meekly. "This isn't our car, is it? We really shouldn't be driving it…"

"It'll only be for a bit," The driver replied, flexing his fingers as they gripped the steering wheel. Ciel and Gemini exchanged glances as Shadow drove the car into the street (in the wrong lane, no less) and began a dangerous game of car-dodging. He sped past the slow cars, and the fast cars as well, for he was well over the speed limit. Luckily, there weren't many cars on the road that day, so the car crashes were at a minimum.

"YEEEAAAH!!!" Shadow yelled, passing a bright red sports car as he gave the driver the bird. Could life get any better than this? Through the mirror, Shadow noticed his brothers in the back.

"Hey, Shadow," Gemini said calmly, "Do you know how to stop this thing? I think we passed the house already, and…" Gemini motioned to Ciel, who looked rather green in the face as he clutched the seat belt for dear life.

It was at that point that Shadow realized one very important thing: He did not know how to stop the car. He looked at the pedals (unknowingly missing a little old lady by mere inches) as he tried to remember which one was the brake. As he found what he thought was the right pedal, he pushed down as hard as he could…accidentally activating his air shoe's jets, burning the brake into a half-melted pile of scrap.

"Well, I think I broke the brake," Shadow muttered. The eyes of his brothers widened. The Ultimate Lifeform then looked back at the road again, suddenly realizing he had driven the car to the Station Square Mall. No, scratch that.

He had driven INTO the mall.

"Holy CRAAAAAAP!" Shadow hollered, driving this way and that to avoid the screaming pedestrians. The runaway police car was soon run through a toy store, a beauty parlor, GameStop (in which Gemini briefly opened one of the car doors to grab a copy of Final Fantasy XII, accidentally ramming the door into a salesclerk while doing so), and finally, the food court.

"Shadow, I really think we should stop the car now," Ciel exclaimed. Shadow shot him a glare, when suddenly, the police car's radio crackled on.

"Cop A-5, come in Cop A-5. It has been reported that your vehicle has been sighted inside Station Square Mall. What is your status?"

"Oh my god, the car's talking!" Ciel screeched (he doesn't know what a radio is…). Shadow was also freaking out; the coppers were on to him! He had to come up with something, and fast!

"Uhmm…this is Cop A-5," He muttered into the radio. "Everything is fine, just taking the car out for a test-drive."

"In the MALL? Are you crazy?" All was quiet for a minute. "Hold on, you aren't Cop A-5. I know your voice…"

"Shadow, watch out!" At that moment, the police car crashed into the water fountain in the middle of the mall, smoke and fire shooting out of the engine. The three hedgehogs clambered out of the car with their groceries (which, surprisingly, were undamaged).

"You there!" They turned to see a group of cops, looking extremely un-happy. "Do any of you know what just took place?" Shadow, Gemini, and Ciel all exchanged glances.

"Uhh…no?"

"While one of our men was at the donut shop for, err…important business, he forgot his keys in the car, and someone drove off with it. Apparently, it has been reported that the thief was a hedgehog…"

"I found him sir!" A young cop cried. In his grasp was none other than…

"Sonic the Hedgehog!" Everyone (except the hedgehogs) cried.

"I didn't do it, I swear! Sonic yelled. "I've never driven a car in my life! Come on, why would I, The Fastest Thing Alive, hijack a car?"

"I never thought I'd see the day you went bad, Sonic," the police chief said coldly. "Eye witnesses say it looked just like you, so you are coming to the station with us." With that, the cops (and Sonic) all left, leaving Shadow, his brothers, and the wreck. There was total silence.

"Did what I think just happen, happen?" Gemini asked after a while.

"The cops just mistook Sonic for us?" Shadow replied. "Yeah, I think it did." More silence.

"So…do you think we should tell them it was us?" Ciel asked.

"Are you kidding?" Shadow looked at both of them. "Come on, let's head back home, before those cops realize it wasn't Sonic after all."

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**Yesh, you don't know how long I wanted to do that. If anyone here has seen the movie _The Blues Brothers_, you will surely recognize where I got that (there's a chase-scene through a mall). I love that movie so much…it's supposedly R-rated, but it was rated in the 80-90's, you know? There's only a bit of bad language, that's it. Seriously, it's a great movie.**

**Anywho, enough of me rambling. Next chapter, Ciel breaks one of the house rules when he brings home a chao he found. Unfortunately, this chao is far from innocent…next time, on Brotherhood!**

**P.S. I don't say this much, but you know, reviews really do help. I need to make sure people still like the story, you know? So please, drop by a review, even if it's a small one, okay? Thanks.**


	4. The Terrors of Chao

**I am very happy. I won't say why, because there are a lot of reasons, but it has inspired me to write the next chappie for this.**

**You know, I think disclaimers are so annoying…I do not own chao as a species (they are Sega's), but I own the wonderful little chao in this chapter, Sparky. I also don't own Eggman.

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It was a few days after the police car escapade, which was also Thursday. Shadow had been lying low to make sure he was not found by the cops (in case they figured out the culprit wasn't Sonic, which was bound to be soon), and Gemini had been playing the Final Fantasy XII game he had "found" during the joyride almost non-stop. Of course, this left Ciel to do the errands outside the apartment, such as taking out the trash. He didn't mind much, he couldn't really smell it anyway. So, on that particular Thursday, Ciel had just finished dumping the trash in the trash bin, and was now on his way to the apartment.

"Chao," Ciel heard. It sounded close by, and his curiosity soon got the better of him. Ciel listened closely, following the noise until he came face to face with a chao in the hall. It was a tiny little white chao, with light yellow marks. It cocked its head to the side, and put on its cutest little face. Barely anyone could resist a chao, and Ciel was no exception.

"Hey there little guy," he said. Crouching down to get a better look, he was surprised how adorable it looked, as well as the fact that it was alone. No one ever left a chao alone! It was way too cute for that. Maybe it was lost?

"I know!" Ciel said, snapping his fingers. "You can stay with me until we find your owner! How's that little guy?" The chao clapped happily. The winged hedgehog smiled at this, and then took the chao home.

Everything was quiet when they entered. Gemini had fallen asleep on the couch -again- after playing for the last two days without sleeping. He was drooling a little, but aside from that, no one could tell if he was alive or dead. Shadow was off in his room, most likely messing with his Chaos Emerald, or toying with his machine gun. Since neither were able to notice the chao, it was free to roam around the living room while Ciel went to clean himself up. Ciel figured the chao wouldn't cause problems, he had heard from Cream that they were little angels (unless they were dark chao, but this chao wasn't dark at all).

As soon as Ciel left the room, the chao grinned an unnaturally creepy grin, like the one a dark chao would give. Looking around the room, the chao began to crawl around the place, eventually finding the TV cords. As quickly as it could, the little "angel" began to chew through the cords, and chewed the Playstation 2 cords for good measure. Smiling mischievously, it then wandered off to the kitchen.

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In Shadow's room a few hours later, the Ultimate Lifeform had finally finished his newest project; upgrading his machine gun with what he called a "Bullet Bouncer," which allowed the bullets, should they miss their target, to bounce off of walls, floors, and ceilings, much like the refractor he had a few times during the Black Arm invasion. Satisfied with his work, Shadow put his prized possession away, walking out into the living room. 

"What the heck?" was his first reaction. The power cables were all chewed up, the refrigerator had been ransacked, the bookshelf was toppled over, and someone had doodled over a still-sleeping Gemini's face. In the middle of it all was a little white chao, which immediately dropped the meat cleaver in its possession. It stared up at Shadow innocently, and replied, "Chao."

"How the hell did you get in here?" Shadow asked, picking up the chao. It gave him the I-don't-have-a-clue-what-you-mean face, even though it was quite obvious that the red-streaked hedgehog was not buying it. Shadow walked over to the kitchen, avoiding all the spilled food the chao had scattered on the ground, and proceeded to trap the chao in the freezer. He never liked chao much anyway.

"What's going on in here?" Shadow turned to see Ciel, who had just gotten out of the shower.

"This little pest got in the house and wrecked everything!" Shadow replied. "I was just locking it up."

"In the freezer? Come on Shadow, it's just a little guy. It couldn't have possibly done all that." Ciel grabbed the chao out of the freezer, warming it up with a towel. "There there Sparky, I won't let that mean ol' brother of mine hurt you. Yeah, that's better, isn't it? I'll call you Sparky now, okay?" The chao giggled happily. Shadow glared at it.

"I got my eye on you," The Ultimate Lifeform hissed. As Ciel walked out of the kitchen to go clean up the rest of the living room, the chao now named "Sparky" sneered at Shadow, and then blew him a raspberry. It was lucky for both Ciel and the chao that Shadow didn't decide to kill it right there and then. With nothing else to do, Shadow decided that he might as well clean up the kitchen. Maybe he would take his anger out on Sonic after they released him from the Police Station.

About an hour later, the apartment had been cleaned up quite nicely. The food was either tossed or put back in the fridge, and the bookshelf had been cleaned. Shadow and Ciel weren't totally sure about the gnawed-on cords, but they had tried putting them back together with duck tape as best they could, hoping that would work for a while. The only thing left was Gemini's doodled face, but neither of them wanted to wake him up. As for Sparky, Ciel had made a temporary bed for it using an old box and some dish towels, and the chao was now fast asleep.

"Tomorrow, you are going to march your arse right out that door, and get rid of that chao, got it Ciel?" Shadow growled. "That chao may not look like it, but it is a little devil!"

"Come on Shadow; don't be so mean to Sparky!" Ciel cried. "I mean, it can't even walk yet! It won't do it again, promise!"

"I don't care," Shadow walked over to the chao bed, picking it and Sparky up. "I am going to have him in MY room, where I can keep an eye on it." Despite Ciel's protests, the chao was soon placed in Shadow's room, held securely in place by Shadow's now-empty suitcase. He smirked; there was no way this chao would leave his sight. He intended to watch it all night, just to make sure it wouldn't get into any trouble.

Unfortunately, even the best intentions fail sometimes, and Shadow fell asleep less than an hour later. Sparky then sneaked out of the bed and the suitcase, and was about to leave when it spotted something: Shadow's Machine Gun.

* * *

It was about 2 a.m. that following morning, when the air was pierced by the sound of someone screaming bloody murder. Shadow bolted upright, rushing out of his room to see what was wrong. The first thing that caught his eye was Gemini, who was screaming profanities at the top of his lungs. Oddly enough, his sunglasses had been removed, revealing his currently bloodshot blue eyes. Behind Gemini was Ciel, who was looking extremely freaked out. 

On the other side was Sparky. The chao was smiling devilishly, sharp teeth bared. Over its eyes were Gemini's sunglasses, and in its grasp was Shadow's machine gun, and the gun was off safety mode (actually, Shadow had broken the safety mode on it earlier, but that was beside the point). Upon Shadow's entry, the chao turned the Ultimate Lifeform's prize possession against him, aiming it for the hedgehog's head. Shadow snapped.

"Get your hands off my gun, you fing little cretin!" Shadow then rushed at the chao, which at the same moment began firing off the gun. The bullets bounced off the walls, due to Shadow's modifications, making the living room a violent deathtrap. Shadow was soon mercilessly attacking the chao, and Gemini soon joining in. Ciel would have tried to stop them, but was too busy trying to avoid bullets, since one had already lodged itself in his boot. A few minutes later, both Shadow and Gemini had Sparky in their grasp.

"Now we're going to finish you, you little piece of-"

"Hold on a minute you guys!" Ciel cried. "You can't just kill it! It belongs to someone, and besides, that'd be murder if you did!"

"Yosh." Everyone stared at the chao, who had just exclaimed that. They didn't know anyone who said that, except…

"Mini-Egg!" The door suddenly burst open, and in marched Eggman in his Egg-Walker. The chao squirmed out of the hedgehog's grasp as it waddled over to Eggman.

"This is YOUR chao?" Shadow and his brothers exclaimed.

"Of course it is!" Eggman replied. "Isn't it obvious, with our evil genius minds and superiority? Little Mini-Egg fell out of my robot yesterday, and found her way here to torture you! Mwahahahaha!" Both Eggman and Sparky/Mini-Egg laughed maniacally, oblivious as Shadow grabbed his machine gun off the floor.

"You both have five seconds to get out," The red-streaked hedgehog hissed. Eggman and his chao both got the hint, and left before Shadow could even count to three. As the mad scientist left, Shadow and Gemini stared at Ciel.

"Uhmm…sorry," Ciel said apologetically. He would have said more, but with Shadow pointing a gun at him, the best option seemed to be running. Shadow was soon chasing him around the apartment, with Gemini watching in amusement. Things sure were much livelier now, weren't they?

* * *

**I feel sorry for Sparky/Mini-Egg, having to live with Eggman. I'm still deciding on the next chapter, but it'll be amusing either way! Catch you all next time!**


	5. Theives and Robots

**I had to write this chapter before I put it off again. There is going to be a bit of romance in this chapter, but not too much. Just be prepared for some Shadouge-ness.**

**Adding to the stupid disclaimer list, I own not Omega, any card games (I don't even know how to play poker), or anything except my fuzzball OC's. Joy.

* * *

**

The house was soon cleaned after Sparky/Mini-Egg's escapade, only to be partially destroyed again after Gemini realized the cords and the Playstation were busted, and had "accidentally" destroyed half the living room and kitchen in a blind rage. He also destroyed the refrigerator, so all they had left food-wise were some canned stuff, some ramen, and toast. Shadow was not at all pleased.

"You know, if somebody hadn't thrown a fit, then maybe we could have an actual breakfast," he had remarked.

"Well, if somebody hadn't decided to invite Eggman's chao in, maybe the Playstation wouldn't have broken," Gemini had replied.

"Maybe if SOMEBODY hadn't been so lazy as to notice-"

"If **SOMEBODY** hadn't been too obsessed over a freaking gun-"

This went on throughout breakfast, and eventually ended after a food fight, much swearing, a machine gun, a bit of magic, and a banana peel (which ended the fight after both brothers slipped on it, hitting their heads on the floor and falling unconscious). Of course, Ciel had to clean it up, and made them apologize for it later that night.

"Come on guys, we're a family! So why don't you make up, and everything will be better, alright?"

"Sorry," both Shadow and Gemini said grudgingly. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. All three brothers rushed to see who it was, and were surprised to see their visitor was none other than…

"Rouge!" Shadow exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Well Shady, I believe that you agreed to become my apprentice thief, correct? I decided would be your first lesson, sugar." Shadow blushed at the nicknames, and when he noticed this, he blushed even harder.

"Okay then…how about start then?" He asked, staring at the floor to hide his burning red cheeks.

"Follow me then." The pair of thieves left, but Rouge quickly turned back to Ciel and Gemini. "By the way, can you guys watch Omega for me? I need someone to make sure he doesn't wreck anything. Well, ta-ta." She then left, and in her place walked in a gigantic, red and black robot.

"That was sudden," Ciel noted. "Well, what do we do now?"

"SENSORS INDICATE BROTHERS OF COMRADE SHADOW IN THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY."

"I say we get rid of it," Gemini said. Since his magic had absolutely no effect on machinery (they came after magic was established), he didn't like robots much. He was also still ticked off some-what, and suddenly having to baby-sit a killer robot didn't help much.

"Come on Gemini, Rouge wouldn't like that," Ciel chided. Turning to Omega, he asked the robot, "So, what do you want to do Omega?"

"ELIMINATE DOCTOR ROBOTNIK, ALSO KNOWN AS EGGMAN."

"Well, I don't think we have him here…how about a game of cards?" Gemini groaned; this was going to be a long night.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rouge had dragged Shadow to Le' Crystalline, a famous jewelry store. The two were on the roof, planning their entrance.

"Wouldn't it be easier just to go through the vent?" Shadow asked, holding a small bag the stolen jewels would soon inhabit.

"The security is starting to pick up on that plan," The bat explained. "Sometimes, easy isn't the best plan, as you know. Tonight, we're making a hole in the ceiling." Slipping her Pick Nails onto her boots, Rouge quickly dug an entrance into the building, the perfect size to slip through. The dark pair entered silently, as Rouge hungrily eyed the prizes. They glistened and shone, from diamonds, to rubies, to emeralds, ad everything in between. Heaven in a shiny rock that doubled as a fashion statement, in the most basic of senses.

"Alright Shadow, listen up." The master thief began to quietly explain to her pupil all the necessities of pilfering, and he followed almost perfectly. Rouge grinned to herself; she sure knew how to pick her students.

"I should have picked him up earlier," she thought to herself. "He catches on quick, he's strong, and pretty easy on the eyes to boot." This last thought made her blush, so she made a quick excuse. "Shadow, how about you try it on that case over there?"

The midnight-color hedgehog nodded, quickly dashing from shadow to shadow, using the patches of darkness to hide himself, as if he was on a real mission. After a moment's pause to detect any unusual sounds, he snuck over to a glass container of diamond necklaces. Pulling out his Chaos Emerald, he made a Chaos Spear the size of a small knife, holding it to carefully cut away the glass. He reached in, and grabbed the prize: a large diamond necklace with one large ruby in the middle, a price too high for him to guess. Lifting it up, Shadow grinned. He was a better thief than he thought he'd be. The necklace was beautiful, too.

"Great, you're starting to go gem-crazy like Rouge," echoed a voice in his head. "Keep it up, and you'll really have a criminal record." Of course, Shadow didn't care about records, but his thoughts were then suddenly shattered by the flashing of bright red lights.

"We've been spotted," Rouge hissed. "Come on; time to get out of here."

"Right behind you," Shadow replied. Necklace and Chaos Emerald in hand, he quickly grabbed Rouge by the waist. "Chaos Control!" In a flash, the thieves were gone, the only trace left being a hole in the ceiling.

* * *

Back at the apartment, things weren't exactly at their finest. Ciel had ended up in a card game with Omega. However, the only game in Omega's super-computer programming was, unbelievably, Go Fish. Even more unbelievable was the fact that Ciel was losing horribly. Already, he had lost twelve dollars and thirty seven cents, an old watch, five packs of gum, and a pair of red shoes he never wore anyway. In the meantime, Gemini had wandered off to his room to go find something.

"SENSEORS INDICATE AN EXTREME LACK OF GO-FISH SKILL IN COMRADE CIEL," Omega commented, laying down his last pair of cards.

"Well, I won once, didn't I?" Ciel retorted meekly.

"INDEED, AND WON BACK ONE DOLLAR AND FIVE CENTS, AND LOST THAT SOON AFTER. IN WORDS OF WAVE THE SWALLOW, YOU SUCK."

"That's not very nice," The now-sucky hedgehog muttered, fingering his cards. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, revealing Shadow and Rouge when it faded.

"That was some quick thinking Shadow," Rouge exclaimed. Shadow nodded, and handed her the necklace.

"I believe this is yours," He said. "Make some use out of it." The white bat in front of him turned deep red.

"Oh Shadow, it's beautiful. You did well for your first night. Know what I think?"

"What?" Shadow asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I think you and I are going to be great partners someday."

"INDICATING CHANCE OF MUSHY SCENE IN NEXT FEW MINUTES: EIGHTY-NINE PERCENT." Omega said.

"Yucky, mushy stuff," Ciel groaned, covering his eyes. Ignoring them, Shadow replied to Rouge's remark by putting the diamond necklace around her neck. Both of them blushed deeply as Shadow clasped the clasps.

Unfortunately for Shadow, Rouge, and all the romance/Shadouge fans in the audience, this moment was totally ruined by the remaining eleven percent of Omega's calculations. While the others had been busy, Gemini managed to find his cos-play outfit of Paine from Final Fantasy X-2, complete with a sword. He figured he could probably fight off Omega this way, since Paine had done much harder enemies in the game, and the fact that he was ignorant of Omega's arsenal of hidden weapons. As an added bonus, he had a bit to drink out of a bottle of extremely-caffeinated coke he found wedged under the bed, and was experiencing an extreme caffeine rush. With a loud battle cry, the blue-streaked hedgehog burst out of his room, sword in hand, and swung it at Omega.

"Take that, ya' lousy machine! Out of my house!"

"HOSTILE THREAT. INITIATING BATTLE SEQUENCE." The rest of the night was divided between calming down Omega, Gemini trying to make up an excuse to Shadow, Rouge heading back to her club, and the discovery by Gemini that his Playstation wasn't broken, just not plugged in. All of the following events tipped off Shadow's anger, and he spent the rest of the night taking it out on his brother.

* * *

**Now kids, the morale of the chapter is to 1) Never let your brothers baby-sit a lethal robot while you go on a thieving spree with your lover, 2) caffeine is _bad_ in romantic circumstances, 3) Always make sure your game systems are plugged in before playing, and 4) Never make Shadow angry. Takes notes, there's a quiz next Thursday.**

**Ahem, ignore that last part. Anyway, next chapter, what do you get when you combine three black hedgehogs, a bratty girl with lots of power, some OC's, a few abandoned Sonic Characters, and tea parties? The next chapter of Brotherhood, that's what! See you all then!**


	6. Ordered by the Brat

**I'm a little late again, but hey, I got it up! We get back to the humorness in this chapter (which is a part 1 of 2 or so). Unfortunately for me, this also involves…A DISCLAIMER!!! Death bells toll in the background…**

**Deep breath Shadow the Hedgehog and all related characters are property o' Sega. Elsie the Cow is property of Blue Mage Quartet. Angelique the Hedgehog property of Puppetgirlpsms (I think that's her pen-name now), Eliah the Wolf is property of Dandylions, the random pet kitty is property of Toni the Fluffy (gotcha' Nicki X3), and finally, Gemini, Ciel, and all the other little things in this chapter belong to me. BOW DOWN!!! Okay, enough bowing. Read on, readers.

* * *

**

It took a relatively long time for Shadow to finally calm down about the whole "incident" involving Rouge and Omega last chapter. He was still sore over it a week afterward, and had taken much anger out on Gemini. However, now a new dilemma presented itself.

"THE BULLETS!!!" Shadow yelled, "WHERE ARE ALL MY BUUUULLLLEETTTSSS?!?"

"I thought you shot them all at stuff," Ciel answered, completely oblivious to Shadow's agony. No bullets meant no using his gun, and no gun meant no fun for Shadow. So, in order to fix this, Shadow made his way to the nearest weapon shop, with his brothers in-tow.

"Why again do we have to come with you?" Gemini asked grumpily, since he had been napping until being awakened by his red-streaked brother.

"Because you are paying for it, because **you** made me waste most of my bullets."

"Did not!"

"Did too."

"Not!"

"Did!"

"Did not, did not, did not!"

"I think you did!"

Needless to say, this went on for quite a while, as it does for most siblings. Ciel hung back as he watched his brothers argue, which was attracting stares from almost every single passerby.

As a matter of fact, at that moment, a jet-black limousine drove by at that moment, which was occupied by the Dratsab's, a notoriously famous, wealthy family from Central City. From behind the window, the argument was being observed by the only child of the family, Carmaline, who was often called "Carmy" for short. She was only about eight, and was dressed in bright pink (scary), with a picturesque face, and blonde hair her mother claimed that "Rapunzel would die for." All in all, she looked like the sweetest little girl in the universe. She watched the three black hedgehogs with interest, as a smile came upon her face.

"Daddy," she said sweetly, "Can I have a new pet?" Her father, who was in the passenger seat, turned to her.

"Carmy, you already have your pet kitty, and all the animals a girl could ask for. Do you really need another pet?"

"No, I need three," she said cutely, "Those three." She pointed out the window at the black hedgies we all know and love, who were still arguing over the bullets.

"Sweetie, aren't those pets a little-"

"I want them to be my pets!" She interrupted, putting on her angry pout face. Since, like most rich people, Mr. Dratsab had a tendency to give his daughter whatever she wanted, he ended up agreeing so he wouldn't have to face his eight year old's wrath (Even though he was more than capable of dealing with her). Pulling a small phone out of his pocket, he quickly dialed a number before putting it up to his ear.

"Commander, this is Jack. I believe I have a favor to ask of you…"

* * *

For Shadow, the night was a welcome arrival. He got his bullets, and was more than happy to get home for the night. Tomorrow, he was thinking about looking for a job. He was getting quite bored just hanging around the house, and his part of the apartment's rent would be due soon anyway (The brothers had all agreed that each of them would pay one-third of the rent while they all occupied it). It was midnight in a few hours, and by then, not a soul in the house was awake.

Suddenly, there was the sound of a door unlocking, and the door slowly opened. On the other end was a small group of GUN soldiers, carrying nothing but a few guns and a large bag.

"Why are we here again, sir?" One of the younger soldiers whined. "I mean, why are we trying to kidnap three powerful, and potentially dangerous hedgehogs all by ourselves?"

"Because we were ordered to, stupid," The captain or the group explained. "Mr. Dratsab had made a deal with the Commander, so we have to catch these hedgehogs for Dratsab's daughter if we want to keep our jobs."

"So sir, our fate is under the influence of a little kid?" The young soldier asked.

"…You know, I just realized that. That's kind of'…"

"Depressing, sir?"

"Yes, depressing. Oh well, carry on soldiers! We have hedgehogs to catch!" Now, I'm sure most of you suspect that this would not work in the first place, and that GUN could never, ever beat Shadow, and he would whip their arses. That is, as a matter of fact, true. However, no one ever said about him doing that in his sleep, now did they? That was the charm of the plan. You see, the guns weren't regular guns, but contained sleeping gas. The sleeping gas would make sure that the brothers stayed asleep while they were kidnapped. They would then be thrown into the bag, stuffed into a cart, and shipped over to the Dratsab's. The plan had actually been "bought" from Eggman in exchange for a bag of Doritos and cheese-dip, but that was beside the point. It was brilliant.

Oh fine, it was rather stupid, yes. But you know what? That's the government for you. The apartment was soon bombarded with sleeping gas, and the GUN soldiers proceeded with the plan, gas masks intact. Ciel was dragged out first, which didn't provide much trouble. Gemini proved a bit more of a hassle, if only because his room was guarded by various hexes, which caused one soldier to be turned into a newt (don't worry, he got better). When they got to Shadow, he slept soundly enough for the soldier from earlier to pick him up, and drag him part-way out of the room. As a natural sleep-reflex, the sleeping hedgie latched himself around the poor soldier in a very…unbecoming position.

"Sir," the soldier cried to his commander, "I think I'm being violated by the hedgehog. Can you have someone else carry him?"

"He's just holding onto you. Get some back bone, and toss him in the bag." The soldier groaned, while Shadow nuzzled the guy's jacket. What the hedgehog was dreaming of, no one knows, but he probably thought he was being carried by his beloved Maria, not some whiny GUN recruit. Oh well, dreams don't come true that often, do they?

Shadow, Gemini, and Ciel were eventually shipped off to the Dratsab's mansion, all of them still snoozing. Shadow had almost wakened up after being pulled off of the GUN soldier, but everything else had gone smoothly. The crate soon arrived at the house, and the horror was about to begin.

* * *

Ciel was the first to wake up. It was totally dark inside the crate, and rather cramped as well. The winged hedgehog slowly opened his eyes, with no clue where he was.

"Shadow? Gemini?" No response, they too sound asleep.

"Hello?" Ciel asked again, a little louder. "Anyone there?" Much to his surprise, there was an answer from somewhere beyond the darkness.

"In Cyberland, we only drink…diet coke."

"…What?" Ciel asked confusedly.

"In Cyberland, we only drink diet coke." The voice stated. This random statement was soon followed by a horrible rendition of some song from a movie he had seen once (RENT, was it?), and then, more silence.

"Uhmm, can somebody get me out of here?" Ciel asked. This time, a different voice answered.

"Sure, we can get you out. Hold on a sec, let me grab my shovel…" A minute later, the crate was bashed open by a shovel, and Ciel stepped out. Three figures met his eye. The first was a stocky purple coyote, whom was wearing a black tank-top and jeans. In her hands was a large shovel, which had been used to smack the crate. Next to her was, remarkably, a cow. This particular cow was dressed in a classic cow-girl getup, complete with the boots and hat. Finally, there was a violet hedgehog girl with silver stripes, dressed in a red jacket and a short white skirt.

"So, you're the newbies," The hedgehog commented. "Hey, I'm Angelique."

"Nice to meet you," Ciel replied. "Where exactly are we?"

"In Cyberland, we only drink-" The cow was silenced by the coyote, who smacked the bovine with the shovel.

"This is the Dratsab's manor," the shovel-wielder explained, "And we are all here to…"entertain" the little brat that here lives. Are you alone?"

"Wha? No, I don't think so." Ciel turned back to the box, peering inside. Shadow and Gemini were both sound asleep, curled up in their own separate corners. The girls saw this, and the cow wandered in. She stared at the two, took a deep breath, and decided to wake them up herself.

"It's time to waaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkee uuuu-" Naturally, the hedgehog twins awoke, and on reflex, pushed the bovine out of the crate before she could finish.

"Are you alright Elsie?" Angelique asked the cow.

"In Cyber-" Another shovel-smack by the coyote. Shadow and Gemini both stared, having just woken up.

"Now, I need someone to answer me, and I want answers right now. Where am I, why am I here, and WHAT THE bleep IS GOING ON?!?"

"We'll explain later," Angelique replied, helping Shadow and Gemini out of the box. "For now, we have to get you out of here, before she finds you."

"She who?" Gemini asked this time. The girls exchanged glances, and all said in unison, "Carmaline."

"She is evil!" Elsie cried. "She takes innocent little animals like us off the streets, and plays with us like dolls! It's horrible!" Angelique and the coyote nodded in agreement.

"You can't be serious," Shadow growled. "Me, the Ultimate Lifeform, a child's play toy? I am not a plushie."

"Oh, it's worse than a plushie," Angelique explained. "It's like being a mindless doll, complete with being dressed-up and attending tea-parties. It's nasty."

"Then why don't you kill her?" The red-streaked hedgehog asked. "I mean, you already have a weapon, so-"

"She has bodyguards, stupid," the coyote explained. "By the way, the name is Eliah, and don't you dare forget it." Suddenly, a loud shriek pierced the air, followed by the sound of objects being hurled. Everyone exchanged glances, and broke off into a run.

* * *

**Ba-dum! Hope the chapter was enjoyable, and I hope I got all of the OC's alright. Next time, some old faces from the Sonic series show up, the world gets to see the horror of rich little brats, and everything will be explained...or not X3. Until then, see you later!**


	7. Hey, I've Heard of You!

**It's me again! Hooray, I love these little author notes. Anyway, just thought I'd announce that I am officially updating this once a week, alright? If I don't have it up by Saturday for a week, unless I say otherwise, feel free to bombard me until I update again. Just don't spam stuff, alright? A PM or email should suffice as a reminder.**

**Disclaimer is the same as last time, 'kay? The OC's belong to their respective owners, while Shadow and all the other non-OC peoples in this chapter belong to (say it with me now), SEGA!!! Okay, onto the ficliness.

* * *

**

Breaking out into a full-fledged flee, the girl furries ran as fast as they could away from the noise, with Shadow and his brothers following close behind. The room itself was like a mini-mansion, with whole sections that seemed entirely different. One part looked like a bedroom, one a play-kitchen, even a bathroom complete with a kid sized spa. The walls were lined with dolls and stuffed animals of all kinds, each one with that happy, lifeless grin plastered onto its face. A shiver crawled up the boy's necks as the group made a quick dive into a hole in the legion of plushies. At the end of the tunnel, was a light (figuratively and literally), as they emerged out of the stuffed-and-fluffed army.

"They're back!" cried someone as soon as they entered. A quick look revealed it to be Mighty, an armadillo that used to run with the Chaotix. The trio of girls greeted him, while the remaining hedgehogs stood dumbfounded. They had arrived in what seemed like a secret base, with a variety of animals running amok.

"Hey, look over there," Shadow said, pointing to a duck and bear. "I think Sonic showed me a picture of those guys once. If I remember correctly, their names are Bean and Bark."

"He said they disappeared years ago, right?" Gemini asked. That was true, Sonic had mentioned their disappearance. In fact, they had also mentioned Mighty, as well as some of the other animals here. The yellow flying squirrel looked familiar, as well as the weasel. In fact, that particular weasel noticed the stare almost immediately.

"What're you lookin' at?" He said, sleazing his way over to Shadow. "'Nother set of newbies, huh? Name's Nack; don't forget that."

"Shadow," the said hedgehog replied, "and these are Ciel and Gemini. Can you explain what's going on?" The room fell silent as they waited for Nack's explanation. Apparently, this was a topic he often was left to explain, as he seemed unfazed by the question.

"Take a look around. See that? See all those toys, staring at ya' like there's no tomorrow? Well here, there ain't. We're all held here to be little "play things" for that brat Carmaline, with no freedom or anythin'. Heck, we can't even think about taking her down, 'cause her bodyguards would kill us the moment we do. Ta' top it off, the little brat knows that we're alive and aware of all this, and she don't give a rat's ass about it. Hell, she probably _enjoys_ it! It's all we can do to hide here, and hope they don't catch us."

"Every once in a while, we have to send someone out for her to play with, or else she'll start looking for us," Angelique added. "All our weapons are gone too, or else we'd blast ourselves out." Suddenly, Bean burst out crying.

"I miss my BOMBS!!!" the duck wailed. "I WANT TO BLOW SOMETHING UP!!!" Bark patted his little buddy on the back, along with a little yellow cat.

"I want out too," The cat said. (By the way, the cat is Honey, a character that was scrapped from Sonic Fighters). "I was the first one sent here, along with Mighty, Ray, and the Chaotix."

"Hold on, those guys were in here too?" Shadow asked. "But I've met them before, and they never mentioned this!"

"We all tried to escape that night," Eliah explained. "Almost worked too, until that brat decided to hold a last-minute tea party. Vector and the others thought we went in a different direction, which was the plan, and just didn't find them yet. For a bunch of detectives, they sure can be slow sometimes." Of course, that was the truth, for the Chaotix weren't always the brightest bunch.

Suddenly, a loud panting noise was heard from the tunnel. Everyone made way, and Shadow's face turned a pale green at the sight of who came through. It was impossible, unthinkable even, who came through that door. Even worse, The Ultimate Lifeform _knew_ him.

"Froggy and I are back!" cried the indigo feline, with his pollywog pal in-tow. The cat, who was none other than Big, had been dressed in a humiliating orange muumuu dress, with a matching orange sun-hat. "The little girl is looking for us again, she is not happy." Big's gaze fell on the hedgehog brothers. "Oh, hello Mr. Shadow. Are those other two clones? Froggy thinks they look funny." Shadow and Gemini shot the ignorant cat a death-glare, and a few of the others suppressed snickers. The moment was halted by a loud screech.

"I want to play dress-up and tea party, and I want to play RIGHT NOW!!! Where are my new pet hedgehogs? I WANT MY HEDGEHOGS!!!" The voice sounded perilously close to the tunnel entrance.

"Crap!" Eliah muttered. "If she finds our hiding spot, we're goners."

"Anything we can do to help?" Ciel asked. Nack suddenly got an evil look on his face.

"Sure you can help; go distract her." The weasel pushed Ciel into the tunnel, along with Honey. Angelique hesitated a moment before following to make sure nothing else went wrong, accidentally taking Ray and Bean with her. Everyone remaining in the room stared at Nack, who was looking pleased with himself.

"What's the big idea?" Bark asked slowly. The weasel just smirked. With "Better now than never" as his reply. Now, everyone was mad at Nack for this, but Gemini looked flat-out enraged. Shadow figured it was because of Ciel; they were pretty close together, no matter how much Gemini hid it. Shadow figured it was one of those "brotherly bond" things, he hadn't fully gotten used to the whole deal yet. Anyway, his blue-streaked brother snarled at the sleazy weasel, spatting out a few choice obscenities at him before summoning up a bit of Dark Energy.

That was when it hit Shadow. Weapons might be blocked, but what about magic? If Gemini's Dark Magic worked here, then wouldn't Shadow's Chaos Magic work here also? If that was the case, he could just warp out of this place! Of course, in order to warp out his brothers, or anyone else for that matter, he'd need to find a Chaos Emerald. Now, where oh where would he find one here?

"Say, Bark, Eliah, Mighty," Shadow said, naming off the only semi-sane beings in the room. "Do either of you happen to know if there's a Chaos Emerald here?"

"Yes," Mighty replied. "We've tried to grab it before, but it's locked up pretty tight. Why, you have a plan?" Everyone in the room, including the fighting Nack and Gemini, noticed the evil tone in Shadow's voice.

"Yes I do Mighty, yes I do."

* * *

As Ciel and the others were thrown out of the tunnel, they were immediately grabbed by Carmaline's bodyguards, which were four tall, well muscled men that resembled the Men in Black on steroids. Each man obediently followed Carmy into a room full of clothes, where the furries were set down. The little blond smiled, staring at them expectantly with her little pet cat in her arms, and said sweetly, "It's time to play dress up. Who wants to play?" Honey, Angelique, Bean, and Ray all meekly replied "We do," which was probably the only option to say. Ciel was about to say it also, when Carmaline grabbed his arm.

"I want to play with you first. Do you want me to dress you up?" She said this sweet as could be, reminding Ciel or Cream (except a bratty human instead).

"Not really, but thanks anyway," Ciel replied. He was suddenly smacked over the head by one of the bodyguards.

"Now do you want to play?"

"No, that smack just made my head hurt." Another smack to the noggin.

"How about now?"

"Uhmm…no thank you?" Yet another smack. "Alright, alright, I get the point! Fine, we can play."

"And I can dress you up?"

"Sure, go ahead." A brief flash of malice passed over the "little angel's" face as she pulled the winged hedgehog into the vast sea of clothes. Ciel sighed, it couldn't be that bad…right?

* * *

**It is Ciel, it is…Anyway, next chapter should be up next time. I think there may be another chapter or two with this little terror of a brat, and I hope it's alright if I can use the OC's until then too. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! See ya' next week. X3**


	8. What It Takes To Escape: Too Much

**Bleh, I hate being sick. Hate, hate, HATE it! There's a flu virus going around, and I'm starting to get it…wah.  **

**You all know who owns what by now, right? If you don't, then…your problem, I suppose. X3 I also don't own Pikachu (owned by Nintendo and such), or the Barbie Girl song, thank god. (Funny thing is, it sounds better in German. Seriously.)**

**Note: The author got in a writing mood again, so this is a longer chapter. This chapter also has some stuff that is actually somewhat random, but bear with the author. She's insane.

* * *

**

Shadow growled something incoherent under his breath. He was starting to regret his "brilliant" plan more and more. Everyone still present had agreed when he explained it, and it didn't seem like they'd back out now. Still…this was embarrassing.

The plan had been this: The group would split up into two. Shadow, Nack, Big and Eslie were in one, while Gemini, Eliah, Bark, and Mighty were in the other. Gemini would distract the guards, while Mighty, Bark and Eliah got Ciel and the others away from Carmaline. Meanwhile, Shadow's group would sneak into the vault where the Chaos Emerald was. The two groups would then meet up, and Chaos Control away to safety.

Unfortunately, the only people allowed in the vault where members of the Dratsab family. Because of this, someone had to dress up as Carmaline to grab it. The group had drawn straws, and Shadow ended up in the frilly pink dress. He HATED pink, even more than he hated the Faker. Well, maybe not that much, but you get the point. The Ultimate Lifeform took a quick glance at his "back up" of a sleazy weasel, a ditzy cow, and a cat with an amphibian fetish, and sighed. Goodbye Dignity, he thought, as he marched up to the guards.

"Let me in the vault please," Shadow said in the best female brat voice he could muster. The guards exchanged glances.

"Sorry Miss Carmaline, but you know what your parents would say if-" Shadow's eye twitched in agitation and anger.

"I want in NOW!" He yelled (still girlishly), and then noticed something. He still had his Machine Gun with him. An evil smirk came upon his face as he pulled it out of its hiding place in his quills (which is where all hedgehogs hide their stuff). The guards dispersed immediately, only giving him time to shoot at one of them, knocking off the man's hat.

While Eslie and Big both stared at him, Nack grinned. Nack loved guns too; he had utilized them way before Shadow stole the limelight. Since he didn't have one, the only way to satisfy his own gun fetish was to take Shadow's.

"Hyyaah!" The weasel screeched, lunging on top of Shadow. Each of them had a hand on the gun, and began a deadly game of tug-a-war, grasping the prized weapon with one hand while clawing and punching each other with the free one.

"Should we stop them?" Big asked.

"In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke," Eslie replied obliviously. The gun fired a bullet, which landed in her skull.

"Are you okay Missis Cow?" Big asked. Eslie gasped.

"Cow? COW? Are you calling me fat or something? You insensitive cat!" Apparently, Eslie hadn't realized she was a cow, probably because bits of her brain were leaking out her skull. Don't worry though; this isn't the first time a bullet was lodged in her head. She has a hard skull. Unfortunately for Big, she had a hard punch too. With all the members of the group fighting, this left Froggy to retrieve the Chaos Emerald.

_"Not again,"_ Froggy thought. _"Sega doesn't pay me enough for this."_ The frog then proceeded to hop over to the emerald vault, scheming of how to blackmail Sega.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gemini, Eliah, Bark, and Mighty were waiting outside Carmy's dress-up room. Ear-piercing screams could be heard from behind its walls, which would send shivers even down Mephiles's spine (which is a wonder in and of itself, because he doesn't really have an authentic spine in the first place).

"So, how do you suppose we get in?" Mighty asked. "I don't suppose we just march right in, huh?"

"No," Gemini said, "I'll distract the guards first. Then you can march in." The hedge-mage then began to charge up a summoning spell, thinking of the most brutal beast he could think of. Maybe a Plague-beast, or possibly a demon. A demon would be quite nice for this area…

"Look out!" One of the screams had caused an avalanche in the mountain of plushies, causing the stuffed animals to bury the group in fluffy goodness. Unfortunately, anything that comes in contact with a magic spell is bound to have some effect. Even worse was what did happen. One plushie, a small little bunny rabbit, fell into Gemini's spell area. Slowly, the rabbit began to grow larger…

"Oh crap…"

* * *

Angelique was troubled. Ciel had been gone a while, and Honey had also been taken to Carmy's room as well. Being in Carmy's room was never a good thing, especially for long periods of time. Once, Eliah had been in there for five hours. Since then, her shovel **never** left her sight.

_"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie wooooorld. It's all plastic, it's fantaaaaastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywheeeerrreee!"_ Angelique glared at Ray, who had started horribly singing along to Carmaline's theme song, which played every day. The only other person in the room was Bean, who was currently attempting to create a makeshift bomb out of cardboard, some crackers, a throw pillow, and a magnifying glass. Unless the others somehow managed to save them, they'd all go insane. Angelique briefly thought of all her friends back at the base.

Yep, they were doomed.

The entrance to the wardrobe was thrust open, and Ciel and Honey were tossed back into the waiting room. Both of them had make-up all over their faces, as if a two year old had scribbled it on their faces. Honey was dressed up as a ballerina, one of Carmy's favorites. Ciel was even more humiliating, for he had been dressed up as some kind of rabid Pikachu. Yes, Pikachu, that little yellow mouse. Angelique couldn't help but laugh a little at the both of them.

"You two okay?"

"NOOoooOOo moOOorRe DrrEeSses PpPleAeasSe…" Ciel muttered dizzily, one of his eyes twitching.

"Better get used to it," Ray said. "Next time, she'll probably dress you up in a bikini or something."

"Great Chaos, NO!" Ciel hollered, covering his ears. "No bikinis, no dresses, no nothing! I'm going to even more insane if I stay here another minute!"

"I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!!!" Out marched Carmaline, her little white cat in tow, looking extremely ticked off. "How dare you run off IN THE MIDDLE OF DRESS UP?!?"

"I can explain," Angelique cried, when suddenly, a loud crash was heard.

"What was that?" Carmaline asked. At that instant, the door was thrashed open by a dark, hideous, foul smelling…bunny rabbit doll?

"I told you my distraction would work!" Gemini argued. "See? It broke open the door!"

"Yeah, and it'll probably break us once it's done," Bark noted.

"Great job Einstein," Eliah added, smacking Gemini over the head with her shovel. "Next time, I'll distract it! A giant rabbit, of all the stupid ideas…"

"My plushie!" Carmaline cried. "My cute little bunny! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY PLUSHIE?" All of a sudden, the oversized rabbit reached down, picked up Carmaline, and swallowed her whole. Yes, it was big enough to swallow a person whole. Carmy screamed, her shrieks of terror sounding as she landed in the beast's fluffy stomach.

"Is it just me, or does anyone else think this is like a bad horror movie?" Ciel asked. "I mean, next thing you know, a bloody hand is going to pop out of the ground next." Thankfully, no hand popped out of the ground. Instead, a head did, dripping brains onto the ground.

"Zombie!" Ray cried. "Oh my god, we're all gonna' DIE!!!"

"In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke!" Everyone stared at the head.

"…Eslie? What's going on here?"

"Not much," the bovine replied. "Shadow found his gun, and Nack got in a fight over it, I just had a smack down with Big, a bullet has lodged itself in my cranium, and I managed to get here by digging out with a spork I stole from that cat. Oh, and there's a giant stuffed rabbit about to eat you guys." Sure enough, there was the rabbit.

"Alright, everyone down the hole!" Angelique cried. Jumping on top of the cow, everyone ducked down into the hole. Except for Bean, that is, because he was too preoccupied with his bomb. As the fluffy beast loomed over the duck, who glanced up at it, oblivious to the danger.

"Hey Mister Rabbit, guess what? I finished my bomb, and it's shiny!" Those were Bean's last words before getting swallowed whole.

* * *

While the evil plushie reined terror over the household, Shadow and Nack were still fighting over the machine gun. The weasel would tug it, the hedgehog would tug it back, Nack would slap, Shadow would kick, and the like. This had been going on for quite a while. Nearby lay Big, who had fallen unconscious after Eslie had layed some smack-down on him, and stole his spork to go dig out of the manor.

In the midst of their little battle, Shadow realized something. His end of the gun was the one with the trigger on it, and Nack was holding the business end of the weapon. With this revelation, nothing could stop Shadow from clicking the trigger. A barrage of bullets shot out at the weasel, there was no time to dodge it. In vain, Nack let go of the gun and ducked. The bullets flew over his head, leaving bullet holes in his hat. With the weapon back with its "rightful" owner, Shadow marched over to the vault.

**_Squarsh._** The Ultimate Lifeform looked down at his airshoes to see that he had stepped on something. Under his foot lay Froggy, who was now a little green glop of goop and guts on the floor. Oh, and a Chaos Emerald, which Froggy had so dutifully grabbed in his mouth.

"Finally, the Chaos Emerald!" Shadow cried triumphantly. Ignoring the dead amphibian, the hedgehog picked up the glorious gem, which was the green Chaos Emerald. He smirked, his objective was complete. That also meant he didn't need the frilly pink dress anymore, so he began tearing the hateful outfit out of his fur.

"Oh Chaos, Shadow's stripping!" Ray had just popped the hole Eslie had dug, and was now covering his eyes in horror. Shadow glared daggers at the squirrel as he removed the rest of the dress, trying to ignore the fact that he could easily shoot the rodent in between the eyes.

"Did you get the Chaos Emerald?" Eliah asked, being the next one to get out of the hole. Shadow nodded, holding his prize high above his head.

"Is everyone ready to go?" He asked.

"In Cyberland, we only-" Eslie, who had just exited the hole, had immediately been smacked by the irate wolf. Bark, Ciel, Honey, Gemini, Mighty, and Angelique followed soon afterward.

"Where's that little annoying duck?" Nack asked, referring to Bean.

"He didn't come with us," Ciel replied. "He got eaten alive."

"YES! I mean…so sorry for your loss," The weasel exclaimed, unable to contain his joy in having finally gotten rid of one of his annoying comrades.

"It is sad," Bark replied. "It's so hard to believe. It's almost as if he's not dead."

"I'm not dead Bark!" a voice replied.

"It's almost as if we can still hear him," Eslie added.

"You can hear me Eslie!" the voice said again.

"It's like he's a ghost or something," Mighty muttered.

"A ghost? Does that mean I can walk through walls? Cool!" At this, a loud thud was head on the other side of the vault. Everyone turned their heads.

"That you Bean?" Ciel asked. "We thought you were dead!"

"I almost was." At this, Bark broke down the wall to reveal Bean, who was no longer green, for he had no feathers. "You see, I finally made my bomb when the rabbit thing ate me. The rabbit exploded, I quickly jumped out of its mouth, and look! I molted!" The duck waved his featherless arms in triumph.

"Alright then," Shadow cut in, "Shouldn't we be getting out of here?" Everyone agreed except Nack.

"Can I make sure Bean's not dead?" he asked. "I'm sure if a shoot him a few times-" Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and everyone else was gone. Shadow had Chaos Controlled everyone except Nack to safety.

"Dang it, now what am I going to do? I'm alone!" The purple weasel whined. He looked around the room to see if anyone else had stayed. The only one was Froggy, who was still a mess of guts on the floor.

"Well Froggy," Nack said, "I guess since you're not dead yet, it's just you and me. So, what do we do?" The weasel waited a few minutes, getting no reply but a few gurgling noises. With nothing better to do, Nack stepped on the amphibian, who croaked.

"Now it's just me."

* * *

Back at the Station Square Apartments, a sudden flash of light signaled that everyone had been teleported there safely.

"Finally, we got out!" Gemini exclaimed. "Another minute in there, and I would've gone crazy."

"Speak for yourself," Eliah muttered before smacking him again with her shovel. "Come on, let's get some rest." Everyone ran off towards the bedrooms, despite Shadow's protests.

"Well, there's always the couch," Gemini said. They all turned to the couch, coming face to face with Big the Cat, who had just woken up.

"You saved us!" The feline cried. "You are the bestest ever! My heroes!" With that, Shadow and his brothers were wrapped in a bone-crushing hug.

"That's…nice Big," Shadow muttered. "You can…let go…now…" Big let go, sobbing in joy over his rescue. The others sighed.

"Say, think Nack's gonna' be okay back there?" Ciel asked.

"I think he'll be fine," Gemini replied. "I have a feeling he won't be alone for long…"

* * *

Back with Nack, the weasel was not enjoying himself. It turned out the bomb was not very lethal, so Carmy and the plushie were never killed. In fact, Carmaline had somehow threatened the rabbit to be her new pet, seeing as all her other ones had ran off. Well, almost all of them.

"More tea Mr. Weasel?" The brat asked nicely. Though her clothes were charred, her tea set was, remarkably, still intact.

"No way-" Nack got interrupted by a smack from the giant bunny. "I mean, yes, I would just LOVE some more tea."

"Good Mr. Weasel," Carmy said, pretending to pour him some tea. Nack sighed.

"Is anyone here on my side?" He asked himself. The only other live soul in the room was Carmaline's cat, who was currently making a meal out of the dead Froggy.

Maybe there was a reason for this punishment? Nah…

* * *

**So concludes that incident. Thanks to all the people who loaned me their OC's (even though I did barely anything with them), and more thanks to all the readers and reviewers. You guys are the bomb, you know that? I'm still debating on the next chapter, but I hope you'll all be there to read it! See ya' later!**


	9. Enter Sonic! Aka The Lamest Title Yet

**Ooh, an update! Joy and happiness! Well, I don't have much to say…so…I guess we skip to the disclaimer?**

**If I owned Sonic or Shadow, think I'd be stuck writing fanfiction in my bedroom? No, all I own is an overly happy winged hedgehog, and his arrogant mage brother, both of which are currently locked in the closet. Hold on, where are my keys…? Oh well, enjoy, and tell me if you find meh' keys.

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**

Morning came, which to Shadow, was yet another nuisance. After being forced to sleep on the couch with Gemini and Ciel (which meant no sleep whatsoever), the deranged hedgie had ended up kicking all the "guests" out of the house some time after Eslie and Ray had begun to sing a horrible rendition of "Cover Me," with later additions by everyone except Eliah and Angelique (who had already left). After Shadow kicked the visitors out, he had reclaimed his bed, and had been in it a good two minutes when the sun came up. Just great. On top of that, weird noises were coming from under his bed. Not the cliché creepy gurgling noises, mind you, but more like…snoring.

After a few minutes of trying to fall asleep, the Ultimate Lifeform groggily sat up. The snoring was much too irritating, and if he couldn't sleep, no one could. The hedgehog made his way to the floor, and looked under his bed. Red eyes scanned the dark space, eventually landing on something…blue?

"Sonic?!?" The world renowned hero was indeed peacefully snoozing under the bed, for seemingly no reason. Shadow sighed, how could he interrupt something so serene and calm? Well, that was a no-brainer.

Gunshots soon fired in the air, for Shadow's ideal way of rude awakenings consisted of firing a weapon right above the sleeper's head. Sonic awoke with a start, thumping his head against the bed-frame.

"I'm awake, I'm awake! Don't shoot me Shads!"

"First off, don't call me Shads. Second, what are you doing in my room, let alone under my bed?"

"Well Shadz-"

"I thought I told you not to call me that!"

"It's Shad with a z, not an s," Sonic waved a finger triumphantly. "And I'm in your house because I'm _hiding._"

"You have got to be joking," Shadow groaned. This was much too early in the morning. Hadn't he just escaped a mad-brat's house? Why did he now have to deal with Sonic?

"I ain't joking Shadz," Sonic said. "You see, the cops finally figured out that I never hijacked the police car, because they now think it's Sonic Man. You know, that random fan we met in Soleanna, who thought he was me? Anyway, the minute I got out, I was glomped! By Amy, nonetheless! So, I struggled for about five minutes, got away, stopped and got a chilidog, ate the chilidog, went to Tails-"

"Is there a point to this Sonic?"

"Hold on, I'm getting there. So, I go to Tails, and I ask him to hide me. But he says no, he's busy with the Tornado II, and then he goes all geeky on me, and I get bored, and I leave. So I go over to Knux's place, and-"

"Point, Faker."

"One more minute! So, I get to Knuckle's place, and he and I brawl for a little, and I ask him if I can hide there, and he says 'No, you'd endanger the Master Emerald,' and stuff like that, and starts going all guardian guy on me, so I-"

"What's the f-ing POINT?!?"

"Oh yeah, that! Well, uh…I need to hide from Amy, and you're the only person I haven't tried yet. So…can you hide me?" Sonic then preformed the cutest puppy-dog eyes he could muster, hoping maybe Shadow had some goodness in his heart.

"No. Now get out," The black hedgehog growled at the blue one.

"Oh," Sonic muttered. "I see how it is Shadz. I see how you are now. I guess they were wrong."

"What?" Shadow raised an eyebrow, while Sonic took a deep, dramatic breath.

"I heard…I heard you had some good in you! They told me! But now I see…they were wrong! What will all the people say! The people Shadz, the people!" Sonic then began a fake burst of tears. Of course, Shadow didn't care; he didn't even know who "they" were. But Sonic's little drama act? Too much.

"Damn, you really are a faker," The Ultimate Lifeform mumbled. "I suppose you can stay…on one condition." Sonic's eyes lit up immediately.

"Alrighty bud! What're the conditions?"

"Do whatever I say, whenever I say it. Deal?" Sonic thought for a second.

"Deal Shadz!" The two shook hands.

"Okay then, let's get out of here. Since I'm up already, I may as well do something. Don't think I'll be sleeping anytime soon."

* * *

Gemini hadn't had the best of nights either. Even after Shadow had kicked the other furries out, there had still been people in his room. The hedge-mage growled, he hated people in his room. Even Ciel and Shadow were forbidden to enter his precious domain. But there had been _people_… 

He assumed he was being paranoid in a few seconds. After quickly making sure there was no real damage, he put a clean-spell on the room. The room would handily clean itself up, removing anything that he himself hadn't put there. However, there was one downside: he could not enter the bedroom until it was done cleaning. Any attempt to do so meant a very unpleasant cleaning session, which he had experienced first hand.

"Oh well," Gemini thought, "I'll just kick back, and play some games for a bit. I don't think I have work today or anything, so-"

**_WHAM!!!_**

Sonic had just, unfortunately, collided with Gemini. The two bonked heads and fell to the ground, just as Shadow walked in, and tripped on them. The trio was now in one big pile.

"That looks really odd guys," Ciel said, leaning over them. "Say, when did Sonic get here? I thought you hated him Shadow."

"I do," Shadow muttered. "But he finally…persuaded me to hide him from Amy for a while."

"That's nice brother, but could you two get off me?" asked Gemini, who was at the bottom of the pile. After a bit of pushing and shoving, they succeeded in getting off of one another.

"So then," Sonic said, "What do we do now? C'mon, let's do something!"

"Silence, you," Shadow ordered. Sonic fell quiet, while Shadow looked back and forth between his brothers. "Any ideas you guys?"

"Well," Gemini said, "I'm pretty sure I have some multiplayer games for my Playstation."

"Fine," Shadow agreed, turning to Sonic. "Alright, you are going to play some games, and stay OUT of my hair. Understand that, Faker?"

"Loud and clear Shadz!" Sonic replied, performing a mock salute.

"Don't call me that either." Watching these two, Ciel and Gemini were beginning to develop a vague idea of why Shadow hated the blue hedgehog so much.

* * *

After setting up the station, the gamers decided to play Sonic Mega Collection+ Ciel watched, and Shadow had wandered to the kitchen in search of some breakfast. Gemini, being the owner of the Playstation, got the first controller, so he ended up playing as Sonic while Sonic played as…Tails. 

"Wow, now I see why Tails hates to play as himself in this," Sonic said as Tails died yet again on Sonic 3 and Knuckles (best 2d Sonic game ever, no joke). "Come on, can't I play as me? Please?"

"Not until I lose a life," Gemini replied.

"But I've lost, like, five already!" Sonic cried. "It's unfair!"

"Well now, Tails can fly, and comes back infinitely, so it only counts if I die. It is fair." Gemini continued leading the blue sprite on the screen through various loop-de-loops, with Sonic comically making Tails run off the screen and die. Good thing his little buddy wasn't here.

"Hey, I have a question," Ciel said. "How come you and Shadow are in all these games, but Gemini and I aren't?" Gemini raised an eyebrow.

"That's a good question. Say Sonic, why _aren't_ we in these games? I mean, the humans managed to think you guys up, but not us. Why is that?"

"I dunno," Sonic replied. "Maybe because they already had Shadow?"

"But I'm ten times better than Shadow!" Gemini cried. "So how come he gets the weapons, and the games, and the fangirls?"

"And those shiny Chaos Emeralds?" Ciel added. Sonic shrugged.

"If I knew, then…well, I'd know something, and that'd be a miracle in and of itself," The Blue Blur said lamely. "Say, where did Shad-O end up anyway?"

"…Shad-O?"

"Well, I can't call him Shads or Shadz, so I decided to call him Shad-O!" Ciel and Gemini stared at Sonic, dumbfounded. Suddenly, Gemini accidentally ran the sprite-Sonic off a cliff.

"Alright, my turn!" Sonic cried.

"You…you tricked me! You confused me on purpose so that you could play as yourself! That didn't count!"

"It so did!"

"Did not, blue boy."

"Hey, you've got some blue too, ya' know."

"Shut up before I turn you into a toad."

"Oh my gosh, he's a little old witch!"

"WHAT?!?" Shadow watched from the kitchen, chuckling to himself.

"Well, watching Sonic isn't as bad as I thought it'd be," he said. "Still…why AM I more popular? I wonder…"

* * *

In some unknown galaxy far, far away, a young girl sat at her computer, staring in disbelief. 

"They're onto me," she muttered. "Dang it, now I'm going to have to explain some chapter! Geez, the nerve…" The girl looked over at one of her book cases, grabbing a Shadow plushie from the top. "Don't worry Shadow, they will never stop me from writing. No one will ever suspect that I am…THE AUTHOR!!! Mwahahahaha!" The author began to laugh maniacally, one of her many talents. (She can also read backwards!)

"Quiet down!" exclaimed one of her many OC's that ran amok in her head. "What are you planning, world domination?"

"Something far worse," She replied, hugging her Shadow plushie. "I am planning…THE DOMINATION OF SEGA!!!"

"Good luck with that."

"Why, thank you! Then, Shadow will be mine! Yes!"

"Dinner!" cried her mother.

"Dangit! Sega Domination will have to be later, I guess…"

* * *

**What? I didn't do anything! I still haven't found my keys yet…for when I do, I shall take over Sega! (I wish!) Anywho, next chapter will be much better than this, this was just…something, I guess. See you all next time! And if you can help it, let me know how I'm doing with this, 'kay? I'm always open to suggestions! Now, bye!**


	10. Cat Mages Love Their Books

**Update time again! This chapter is dedicated to DynamicChaos, since I was stupid enough to forget to use his OC's. Bad Ciel. Anyway, here ya' go DC, hope you like it.**

**No, I don't own Sonic or Shadow. I also do not own Shade, Carnage, or Bane Arnax (hope I spelled it right), they belong to DynamicChaos, and I don't own Sailor Moon (although Shade probably has a copy or two). However, Shadow's psychotic brothers most definitely belong to me. Carry on.

* * *

**

We pick up from where we left last time, with Sonic and Gemini fighting maniacally fighting over who would play Sonic on S3&K (Sonic 3 and Knuckles, for those who don't know). Ciel and Shadow just watched stupidly. So, what does this have to do with what happens next? Absolutely nothing, for at that moment, a knock was heard at the door.

"Don't open the-" Gemini started to say, but Sonic went ahead and opened it anyway. Three figures stood in the doorway; a black-and-purple hedge-girl with a blue jacket and matching jeans, a white cat dressed in an eccentric outfit like mages from typical RPGs, and a raven in a black suit like a butler. The cat's eyes scanned the room darkly.

"Where is it?" He asked, looking from hedgehog to hedgehog. He seemed to be looking for something…duh. Anyway, Gemini began to mutter incoherent curses under his breath. Two eyes met.

"YOU!" They both cried, pointing at each other.

"Me!" Sonic yelled randomly, getting socked by the hedge-girl. Shadow raised an eyebrow. It wasn't every day that three total strangers walked into your apartment. Well, maybe for some people it was, but not for him.

"Alright, someone explain to me what's going on. Now." The Ultimate Lifeform ordered. "Who are these people?"

"I am Shade the Raven," replied the black bird. "The Cat Mage is my master, Bane Arnax, and the hedgehog girl is his mistress, Carnage. One of Master Bane's spell books has gone missing, and he suspects your brother Gemini stole it."

"I don't think, I know," Bane growled. "My tracking spell told me it was in this house."

"Sorry cat, but it isn't here," Gemini growled back. "I'd know if some filthy book of yours ended up with me. It'd probably be written with fish bones and kitty litter or something."

**_"Take that back"_**

_**"No"**_

This, of course, meant a fight. Everyone moved away from the two mages, who began rapidly firing spells at one another. A bolt of lighting one second, a cage-spell the next, even a few hexes were tossed in.

"I was hoping it wouldn't come to this," Carnage said. "Last time Bane got in a magic fight, he blew up the house and his motorbike. We had to stay at Shade's mother's house for a week until it got fixed."

"That bad?" Shadow asked. "What'd he get mad over?"

"Not sure. It was either some other evil dictator threat, or we ran out of catnip. Hey, haven't I seen you somewhere before?" Shadow thought a moment.

"Were you part of Team Nightmare in that fighting competition a while ago?"

"Yeah; Me, Bane, and our friend Yawkaharry." **(AN: From "The Adventures of Team Nightmare" by DC)**

"Okay, I remember you guys." Shadow also remembered losing horribly. Bane had turned the field into a Final Fantasy-esque arena, and Shadow had lost after pulling off Bane's Black Mage hat (he learned to never remove a Black Mage's hat), while Rouge and Omega had been beaten separately. Ciel had been at the tournament too, but he had accidentally gotten drunk, and had started flirting with Cream in his stupor. Creepy, yes. However, Shadow didn't remember where Gemini had been at the time. Where HAD he been? Had he stolen Bane's spell book?

"Hey Shade," Sonic greeted meanwhile. "Get any new Sailor Moon comics recently?"

"Sadly, no," The raven replied. "But you know what? I found this really good fanfic! It's a love triangle with the Black Tuxedo, Sailor Moon, and Sailor Venus."

"Oh my gosh, really?"

"Oh yes, really!"

"No way! Come on, what's it about?" An odd fact no one knew about Sonic, was that he was a Sailor Moon fan, like Shade. A big Sailor Moon fan. Whenever someone found out, the Blue Blur blamed his sister for torturing him with it as a kid, until he liked it (which was a lie, since he didn't have a sister). Unfortunately for Sonic, the story is about Shadow, not him, so we'll ignore him for now.

"You know," Shadow noted, "there's a fight going on, and we aren't paying any attention to it. Isn't that…odd?"

"I guess," Carnage replied. A ball of fire nearly missed her ear. "Why? You think we should?"

"Well, what if they destroy the apartment?"

"Good point." The two hedgehogs turned to the fight. Gemini and Bane were throwing spells at each other, both of them with various cuts, bruises, burns, magical malformations, etc. At the moment, Bane's lower half of his body had been turned into a fish tail, and Gemini was a toad.

"My legs!" Bane cried. "I'm part seafood!"

"You think you have it bad?" Gemmy asked. "I'm green!"

"Dude, you're a frog."

"And you are a mermaid."

"Mer-MAN!"

"Bite me, fishy man."

"I think I will!" All the while, more magic was flung. One particular jinx hit Sonic, which would later cause him to throw up slugs for a week. But again, Sonic is not the star, so he just continued to jabber on about Sailor Moon with Shade.

"That's it," Shadow declared. "Carnage, Ciel, we have to find that spell book before those Gemini and Bane blow us sky-high!"

"Any idea where it might be?" Carnage inquired (asked, for those who don't know). Shadow shrugged.

"Look, I've only been here for a few weeks. I have no clue where the heck a spell book would be." Shadow turned to Ciel. "You've been here longer. Where would it be?"

"Probably his bedroom," Ciel answered. "But I'm pretty sure it's under a cleaning spell right now."

"So? It's just a cleaning spell."

"No it isn't Shadow," Ciel sighed. "It removes any object that isn't Gemini's, from the smallest dust speck to a whole person, if need be. I went in once during that spell, and I was tossed out with half of my fur gone. It grew back, of course, but it sure doesn't feel very nice."

"Great," Carnage moaned. "Beat by a room? This is lame." Suddenly, an idea popped into Shadow's head.

"Ciel said only one whole person, right?" He asked. "If more two of us go in, then only one of us would be tossed out, and the other person could look for the book!" The Ultimate Lifeform grinned at his genius.

Carnage shrugged. "Worth a shot, I guess." Ciel nodded.

"Perfect, and I know exactly who to toss in." In the blink of an eye, Shadow had grabbed Sonic by the quills, and was dragging the blue hedgie to Gemini's room.

"Hold up Shad-O!" Sonic yelled, still calling Shadow nicknames. "You can't do this to me! I'm your buddy, right?"

"Sonic," the red-streaked hedgehog said, "There are two reasons you're going to do this. First, if we don't find that book, then Bane and Gemini are going to blow up the apartment, and you won't be able to hide here from Amy. Second, remember how last chapter, you agreed to do whatever I said?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I'm telling you to go in there, and get kicked out while I find that book. Understood?" Sonic would have refused, but then again, Shadow did have a point for once.

"Oh, okay then." With that said, Sonic was tossed into the room, with Shadow, Ciel, and Carnage following after. True to Ciel's word, the cleaning spell was whipping around the room like mad, sweeping up anything that didn't belong. The spell noticed the four intruders immediately, and attached itself to Sonic, scourging through his fur. It felt quite violating, as a matter of fact.

"Guys, this feels really weird. Can I leave now?"

"Not until we find it!" The other three hedgehogs were looking everywhere, tearing apart anything that wasn't nailed down in order to find that spell book. Ciel was currently halfway under the bed, Carnage was scouring a book case, and Shadow was searching the dresser, in the sock drawer.

Suddenly, the spell decided it was finished violating Sonic's privacy, and tossed him out of the room like a garbage sack. The spell then noticed the other three intruders. Unfortunately for Shadow and the others, it split into three parts, and flew over to each of the trio.

Within a few second, Sonic watched as Shadow, Ciel, and Carnage were all tossed out of the room. Thankfully, most of their fur was intact, although it must be said that Carnage lost the jacket she was wearing (and before you perverts say anything, she had a shirt on underneath). Explosions sounded in the background, and all four hedgehogs groaned.

"Stupid spell," Shadow muttered after making sure his fluff was all there. "And the book wasn't anywhere in-" He then noticed something under his shoe. A book.

"You found it! Carnage exclaimed. "It must have fallen out of the room with us. Come on; let's give it back to Bane."

* * *

Back in the living room, things weren't looking up. Most of the furniture was either on fire, frozen, or completely obliterated. Bane was still part fish, and Gemini was now some weird hedgehog-frog mix, aptly called a hedgefrog. Spells were still flying everywhere, and poor Shade, left alone, was hiding behind a frozen table.

All of a sudden, the quartet of spiky rodents, led by Shadow, emerged from Gemini's room, book in hand. Everything stopped, a light seemed to shine on the book, and angels seemed to sing "Hallelujah!" like some cheesy movie. Okay, scratch that last part, everything just stopped.

"There's my book!" Bane would have run to it, but his fish tail made that a little bit hard, and he fell down. Instead, Carnage brought it over to him. The cat mage took it with a "thank you," flipping through the pages. "Exactly how I left it. Thanks Carnage."

"Actually, Shadow found it," she said, pointing to the red-streaked hedgehog. Shadow smirked.

"No problem," Shadow replied. "I'd just like to know how it got here." Everyone stared at Gemini, who was trying to turn himself back to normal.

"That book?" he asked. "I don't know, some purple weasel sold it to me. I think it was-"

"NACK!" Bane screeched. "That cheating little son of a- bleep –how I'm going to get him for pawning off my books! Come on Carnage, Shade."

"Shouldn't you fix that tail first, sir?" Shade asked.

"I know, I'm getting to that." The cat muttered a few words, and his fish half turned back into a cat half.

"What about me?" Gemini questioned impatiently.

"Oh yeah, sorry about the mix-up," Bane replied. With that, Bane, Carnage, and Shade left to go kill Nack. Gemini growled; he was hoping to get fixed too.

"Least that's fixed," Ciel said, "but I can't say the same for the room." Indeed, the living room was a mess, as described earlier. Shadow glared at Gemini.

"Guess who's cleaning it?" The Ultimate Lifeform asked his brother. "You got into the fight, you fix the mess."

"But I'm still part frog," Gemini pointed out. "Can I at least fix myself first?"

"Not until it's clean," Shadow said angrily. "I'll be back at five, alright?" With that, the black hedgehog left. Sonic followed him, with nothing better to do.

"I think he's mad," Ciel muttered. "Need some help Gemini?"

"_Croooooaaaakkk._ Yes please." Ciel sighed. This was going to take a lot of work.

* * *

**Hope you all enjoyed that, especially you DC. Hope I got all your OC's right, I was working without references. X3. Anyway, next time on Brotherhood, Shadow's still a little ticked off. Unfortunately, things aren't going to get any better…find out how next time! Yay, Ciel out now. Bye!**


	11. In Which Amy Returns To Haunt Shadow

**I apologize for not updating last week, I was busy. Next chapter may be late, I'm not sure yet. Oh, btw, my birthday's next week. I turn…14! Bwahaha! The world shall feel my terror!**

**Ciel:…Despite that, most of your OC's are still older than you.**

**Oh yeah…Ciel got into my intro stuffage. So, he get's the disclaimer. XP**

**Ciel: Aw man. Okay, Gemini and I belong to the author. Shadow, Sonic and all those guys belong to Sega. Say, who's Sega? Is that a guy the author know? I dunno…Say, do you have any bubblegum? I ran out, and- ends intro

* * *

**

Shadow left the apartment, and walked a good five minutes before he realized he had no idea what to do. So, he stopped and thought. Unfortunately, it was in the middle of the street he realized this, and therefore held up traffic for awhile. Suddenly, it hit him.

No, literally; it hit him. One of the cars in the front suddenly started up again, and drove right into poor Shadow (the driver claimed his brakes spontaneously combusted, but it looked more like they were blown up. Did I mention the driver was Bean?), running him over. Everyone on the streets stared, except for Sonic. Sonic walked over to Shadow.

"Say buddy, you okay?" Sonic asked. Shadow growled.

"I just got ran over, what do you think?" The Ultimate Lifeform said.

"Well, you can talk, and nothing looks broken. Does that mean you're okay?" At that, Shadow realized something; he was okay. Well, of course he was, he's the Ultimate Lifeform. So, Shadow got up, dusting himself off.

"Guess I am fine," He said. Sonic nodded.

"If it wasn't for that Ultimate Life thingy of yours, you'd be dead meat. I am so jealous." Sonic said that last bit as a sarcastic joke, and Shadow knew it. However, it didn't seem evident enough. You see, also on the streets was Amy Rose.

"That's it!" She exclaimed. "Sonic is jealous of Shadow! So, if I want to get to Sonic…then I'll make him jealous by dating Shadow! If Sonic realizes I'm dating dark and angsty over there, then he'll realize his true love and take me back! It's perfect!" Amy squealed in delight, and immediately ran over to the Ultimate Lifeform, glomping Shadow in her bone-crunching hug.

"Amy, what the hell are you doing?" The unfortunate victim yelled. "Get some contacts, I'm black, not blue!"

"Actually," Amy began, taking a deep breath, "…I just a new set of contacts, but that's beside the point! I have decided that you, Shadow, are my new boyfriend!" She looked over at Sonic to see his reaction. The blue hedgehog was busy looking at…a Sailor Moon manga? Her eyes still weren't the best, but it was obvious that he was paying absolutely no attention. Well, that would change soon enough.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Shadow was having the worst time of his life. Amy had dragged him to Café Meri, which was known as the absolute girliest, pinkest, non-emo places in the city. No, more likely the country. Screw it, it was the girliest ever. Of course, this put Shadow in a living, breathing hell, complete with unicorns, flowers, pink makeup, and let's not forget, Amy.

"Why am I here again?" He asked, receiving stares from nearby customers. "This place is the spawn of Satan. Spaaaaawn."

"Come on Shadow, it's not that bad," Amy replied. "This is the best café in town! I mean, look how pretty everything is! All pink, and happy, it's great! It's one of those places where it seems like hopes and dreams come true!" She sighed happily, oblivious to the angsty hedgehog's suffering.

"If hopes and dreams come true here, then I hope and dream that you die a slow, painful death." Amy giggled.

"You are so silly! Come on, lighten up! Here, I'll order you something. What would you like?"

"Is there anything not pink?"

"Well…the strawberries aren't pink, but I think that's it." Shadow groaned.

"Fine, get me that." Some of you may be wondering why our beloved Shadow didn't run away from this horror like Sonic would, or why he didn't use Chaos Control. The answer was really quite simple: Amy had hired Omega (and by hired, I mean blackmailed) into guarding Shadow so he wouldn't escape.

"Come on Omega, help me out here," The Ultimate Lifeform pleaded. "I'll be in an early grave if I stay here much longer."

"NEGATIVE. COMRADE SHADOW CANNOT DIE. BESIDES, IF I LET YOU ESCAPE, I WILL BE EXPOSED."

"Exposed? Never mind…I don't think I want to know." Dang it. He really should have brought his gun, but no, he just had to leave it in his room because it needed cleaning. And his Chaos Emerald? Let's just say Rouge had a midnight run when he wasn't looking, and couldn't resist his shiny little gem. All in all, he was screwed. Luckily, Amy had left him temporarily while she ordered

_"Black Volt to Chaos Freak, Black Volt to Chaos Freak, do you read me?"_ The voice came out of nowhere, whispering in his ear. Shadow looked around, and saw no one. He decided he was hearing things. _"A-hem, Black Volt to Chaos Freak, Black Volt to Chaos Freak, do you read me?"_ Again, Shadow saw nothing, and ignored it. _"BLACK VOLT TO CHAOS FREAK, DO YOU READ ME?"_

"Who's there?" He asked, trying desperately trying to find the source of the voice. "Where are you?"

_"You aren't responding right, Chaos Freak."_

"Chaos Freak?" Oddly enough, the voice sounded familiar somehow.

_"Your code name, Shadow. All spies have code names!"_

The speaker's name finally came to him. "Ciel? What the heck are you doing?"

_"Chaos Freak, you aren't doing it right!" _Shadow groaned, hoping no one else was noticing him talking to thin air.

"…Fine. Black Volt, what the heck are you doing?"

_"I'm here to save you, Chaos Freak. It's after five, so Sunglasses and I decided to rescue you."_

"And by Sunglasses, I presume you mean Gemini?"

_"Yeah, just don't tell anyone! Now listen, here's the plan…"_

Shadow waited a few minutes. Nothing, no plan. He looked at the other people in the café. Amy was chatting with a waitress, the other customers were not important enough to be mentioned, and Omega was just sitting there, staring.

"Okay, a plan would be good now."

_"Hold on, I can't read the script. It's dark up here, you know. Hold on, I think I got it. It says…jump."_

Shadow was confused. "Jump?"

_"Yeah," _Ciel replied. _"Get on a table, and jump with your arms stretched out over you."_

"And after that?" No reply. Maybe that was it? The black and red hedgehog groaned at the fact that he was about to make a complete fool of himself, and proceeded to jump on the table.

"COMRADE SHADOW, WHY ARE YOU ENGAGING IN LEG-BODY MOVEMENT KNOWN AS JUMPING ATOP THAT FLAT SURFACE CALLED A TABLE?"

"Uhmm…because I'm Shadow and I can?" He replied nervously. No one else really seemed to notice, but then again, most people would either ignore him anyway, or thought anything he did was cool. At that point, Amy returned, drink in one hand, and a bowl of strawberries in the other.

"Shadow, I brought your strawberries! Say Shadow, what are you doing?" Shadow sighed, when suddenly, he was grabbed by the wrists, and swooped out of sight. It actually wasn't too far, just though the hole where the vent was. Shadow looked around in the dark vent. With him was Ciel.

"I saved you Shadow!" His winged brother cheered. "Sorry it took me awhile to read the script….my reading isn't the best."

"Yeah, about that…" Shadow blinked, and then proceeded to strangle his "little" brother's throat. "You call pulling me into a vent after publicly embarrassing myself a rescue? We're still in the same building! If I get out of here, Amy and Omega will be right behind me, and-"

"**SHAAAADOW, WHERE ARE YOU MY LOOOOOVE?!?"** The sound of Amy's screech filled the whole building, permanently damaging many ears in the process. Shadow cursed, swore, and then cursed a few more times. Ciel rubbed his overly sensitive ears, which would probably still hurt for a few days.

"Crud, what're we going to do now?" Both of the hedgehogs said at the same time (because twins can do that). Suddenly, Amy's shriek stopped. Then it started again.

"**SOOOOOOOOOONNNNIIIIIICCCCC!!!" **Shadow snuck to a hole in the vent, and saw that the Faker had, miraculously, arrived, and was getting the glomping of his life by Amy. Gemini had shown up also (frog parts removed, except for some green highlights in his fur), smirking.

"Oh, I see!" Shadow exclaimed. "While you snuck me away, Gemini convinced Sonic to go back to Amy, so I'd be safe from her, right?"

"Not really, but let's go with that," Ciel replied. In reality, Ciel was the only one doing the rescue. Gemini and Sonic had just gone in because Sonic claimed the café had a mean chilidog recipe. Either way, it worked, and Shadow snuck out with ease.

A while later, Shadow and his brothers had ended up outside, leaving the two "lovebirds" alone.

"Much as I don't like saying this, thanks guys," Shadow said, the word "thanks" barely getting past his mouth.

"No problem!" Ciel replied happily.

Gemini was quiet for a minute. "You know…things have been hectic recently, eh?"

"Sure have," Shadow replied, "What with killer brats, police cars, robots, and definitely way too many guests."

"Yeah. So, I was thinking…how about we take a break, and head over to Club Rouge? Sound good?" Shadow lighted up, for Club Rouge meant…well, Rouge, mainly.

"Sure, I'd love to go." He replied. "Let's go now, it's late anyway." The boys headed on over, unaware of what the night still had to offer…

* * *

**Oh yes indeed. This chapter didn't come out according to plan, but hey, it worked. Next chapter, the brother's first encounter with alcohol. Hey, what's humor without a little drunkenness every now and then? Stay tuned, and drop a review if you have any suggestions!**


	12. The Dreaded Bar Chapter!

**Yes, I got up the chapter EARLY!!! All hail me…it's actually because if I didn't update now, you'd all have to wait another week. Eheh…anyway, here is the promised alcohol chappie. Yay for booze! (Though I'm still way too underage, I can at least laugh at people).**

**No, I still haven't taken over Sega yet, so Shadow, Rouge, Sonic, and all those guys still belong to Sega. I also do not own the random song in this chapter (which I shall not name, so I don't ruin the surprise). However, Ciel and Gemini are undoubtedly mine, and are part of the reason why I am insane. RAWK!!!

* * *

**

As mentioned at the end of the last chapter, Shadow and his brothers decided to head to Club Rouge. As you all know, Club Rouge is owned by Rouge the Bat (hence the name), and is a fighting club and casino. What you don't know, however, is that the club also has a bar. You see, even though Sega allows mild language and guns into their games, they won't allow alcohol, which is why we have yet to see a drunken Sonic on the screen (and he runs into a wall again! Give him another beer!).

Unfortunately, Shadow didn't know about this bar either. So, imagine his surprise when he enters the place to see lots of people and booze. There was a small fight in a corner, some high class people, some bums, and a wide assortment of drunken furries standing atop a table, singing "Get This Party Started" in a most off-key matter. Oh, and to complete the picture, lots of waitresses in really short skirts and high heels. All the guys drool.

"Rouge never mentioned this part of the club," Shadow muttered. "Why are so many people here?"

"It's called alcohol," Gemini explained, "One of the many things humans screwed up making. You give them alcohol, they need a therapist after a few months. I mean, geez, it's just a drink. Idiots."

The three black hedgehogs surveyed the scene. Neither of them had been in a bar before. Shadow had only blown them up once or twice, Ciel was clueless, and Gemini only knew about beer and such from the brief mentions in video games and TV. At that moment, a certain white bat noticed them standing around like little lost children.

"My my Shadow, didn't expect to see you show up here," Rouge exclaimed, dressed in a dark purple outfit that looked like most of the waitresses. "I was hoping you wouldn't find out 'til later, but seeing as you found out…this is the bar part of my club. If you're wondering why I didn't tell you before, it's because I can only imagine what you guys would do drunk."

"Drunk?" All three of the boys asked. Despite all of Shadow's bad-arseness, Gemini's "normal people" smarts, and Ciel…being Ciel, I suppose, all of them were naïve to this. Rouge laughed.

"You guys aren't even twenty-one yet, are you?"

"We're immortal," Shadow replied. Rouge shrugged.

"Maybe, but you still aren't twenty-one. Until you are, no drinks from here." She paused a minute before adding, "And being stuck in a capsule for fifty years does not count. You're still underage." This, unfortunately, was true. Shadow had only been alive without being stuck in a capsule for eighteen years, Gemini for about seventeen, and Ciel for nine (the reason why they're triplets is because they were created at the same time, same day).

Of course, like any kid, being told "no" only made the Ultimate Lifeform more curious as to what being drunk was like. So, Shadow thought for a minute. Rouge became nervous as an evil grin came onto his face.

"That's too bad Rouge," Came his voice in a slow, sinister tone. "I am a little low on cash, but I'm sure this little baby can pay for it…" He pulled out a dark blue sapphire, and the treasure hunter's eyes immediately lit up, and Shadow's smirk widened. "Of course, if I can't use it here, I'm sure I can use this elsewhere…"

"Well," Rouge replied through gritted teeth, "I suppose I can give you guys a drink once…but no word of this to anyone, alright?" All three of them nodded, and were soon seated.

* * *

Out of the trio, Ciel was probably the only one who had any recollection of that night afterwards. When asked about it, he always rolled his eyes and gave a short sigh, for he ended up telling it literally hundreds of times. When the first waitress came around, Shadow and Gemini had both ordered beer, and Ciel didn't order anything (he had a feeling he should keep an eye on them).

"Alright Shadow," Gemini had said, "Here's a challenge. Think you can down this glass faster than me?" Within a minute, both brothers drained a glass, and flagged down a waitress for another drink. That's where the "fun" began.

Shadow was, undoubtedly, the first to be drunk. He had stared at his glass a minute, gotten a funny look in his eye, and then stared at Ciel.

"Hiya' sissy," drunken gun-lover greeted. Ciel raised an eyebrow,

"Uhmm, Shadow, who are you talking to?"

"You, Ciel! You're the only girl here, ain'tcha'?" Maybe it was a trick of the light, but it looked like Shadow's glass had been refilled by a passing waitress. Ciel sighed.

"Shadow, I'm a boy." The red-striped hedgehog laughed.

"No, you're a girl! You're the girliest looking girl I've ever seen, and you know it! Long lashes, large chest, small waist, large a…" Shadow blinked. "What was I talking about?"

"…Girls?"

"Oh yeah!" And with that, the angsty hedgehog took another sip of beer. His still-sober brother looked around.

"Say, where'd Gemini go?" Ciel asked, whipping his head to see if he could spot his blue-striped sibling. He saw a drunken dog, a few kooky little birds, Omega doing security work for Rouge, some fan-boy cos-playing as a chick from Final Fantasy whacking Omega with a fake sword…Yep, that last one was Gemini. His speech was partially slurred, but it sounded like he was screaming, "Bloody Spawn of Sin, die in the hellhole you came from! DiediediediediediediediedieDIE!!!"

"RESISTING PREVIOUS SET COMMANDS. CURRENT THREAT A MINOR NUISANCE. IGNORE."

"I'mma talking to you tin-can! Fight like a man, ya' pansy!"

"INITIATING COMEBACK." Omega paused a minute, then lifted up his right claw, with the middle one extended. "UP YOURS." Gemini was, of course, enraged.

"Oh crud, Gemini," Ciel groaned. He ran off to save his cross-dressed sibling, completely forgetting Shadow. The black and red hedgehog, seeing he was alone, looked around. Immediately catching his eye was Rouge, and a spark of inspiration went off in his brain. He quietly made his way over to another table. He scrambled over a few bodies passed out on the floor, climbing atop the furniture.

Without a moment's hesitation, Shadow cupped his hands around his mouth, and yelled in the loudest voice he could manage, "**Attention Please!**" Like a completely sober person. All heads turned.

"What's he up to now?" Rouge wondered from below. "He better not embarrass himself."

"My name is Shadow," The said hedgehog began, "and tonight, I would like to sing a song for all of you." From below, Rouge stared at him, raising an eyebrow. Shadow took a deep breath. "The song I'm singing is very special to me, and I hope it finds a place in all of your hearts." Everyone was silent. Shadow cleared his throat, and began to sing.

"**_I'm NOT wearing underwear today! _**

**_No I'm NOT wearing underwear today!_**

**_NOT that you prob'ly care IF I'm wearing underwear,_**

**_Still nonetheless, I have to say,_**

_**THAT I'M NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR TO-DAAAAAAAYYY!!!"**_

After his sudden outburst of randomness, Shadow took a bow, and staggered off the table. Some people in the crowd clapped, and some drunken stooges just had to show that they weren't wearing underwear either, and proceeded to strip. It took Rouge hours to sort everything out, and all sober people there were scarred for life. Ciel's eyes, by now were covered by his hands as he muttered "Happy place, happy place," over and over again.

"COMRADE SHADOW IS WASTED," Omega pointed out blatantly. "COMRADES CIEL AND ROUGE ARE IN NEED OF THERAPY. STATUS OF COMRADE GEMINI IS QUESTIONABLE."

"Shut up, ya' baka," Gemini growled slurredly. "Say Ciel, since when did you become a girl? I don't remember you getting implants before."

"I'm not a girl!" Ciel cried, pointing to his chest to emphasize it. "Why do all you drunken people think I'm a girl?"

"Cause you are one?" Gemini replied, fidgeting with his sunglasses. "Say, anyone see my brother? **Where's my brother? Where's my freakin' BROTHER?!?**" Finally fed up with it, Ciel quickly scoffed him on the head, knocking him unconscious.

"Oh my god, this is just great. Where did Shadow go?" The winged hedgehog wondered.

"Looking for this?" In front of him was Rouge, and in her arms was a lump of black and red fur. "He fell off the stage after his "moving" performance."

"Thanks Rouge. Can you give me a hand taking them back to the house?"

"I would, but I'm a little busy at the moment." Rouge pointed to the other drunks, some of which were still stripped, and Ciel looked away quickly.

"Yeah, I get it. Thanks anyway." Rouge handed him Shadow, and Ciel ended up dragging his brothers home.

* * *

In the morning, Shadow awoke in his bed. His head was practically throbbing, and he had the strongest urge to hurl (which he did on the floor), and no recollection of the previous night. So, after more puking, wandering to the trashcan, more upchucking, and some cursing, Shadow made his way into the living room.

Shadow noticed Ciel immediately, and for once, his peppy brother did not look at all happy. Instead, he looked pretty annoyed, rather angry, somewhat upset, but mainly, ticked.

"Finally woke up, eh?" Ciel asked. Shadow nodded.

"What happened? I don't remember last night at all, and I feel like I've got a head-cold or something, and…Ciel, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Let me get this straight Shadow: You got drunk, publicly embarrassed yourself, got a whole gang of drunks to strip, got dragged back to the house, snuck out in your sleep, blew up part of Club Rouge, and you don't remember anything?" Shadow thought a moment.

"No, no, no, no, and…wait, that last part wasn't written, was it?"

"That's because you were asleep. Yes, you got your gun in your sleep, stumbled over to Cub Rouge, and blew up the casino. You almost got arrested too, but they mistook you for someone else again. I think it was Omega."

"Why Omega?"

"He's red and black," Ciel stated, as if it were completely obvious. "Now, I'm still mad at you, so leave me alone for a bit, okay?" With that, Ciel turned over on the couch, covered his ears with a pillow, and fell asleep.

Shadow blinked. He blinked again. Then, remembering his hangover, he rushed over to the bathroom. Unfortunately, Gemini had beaten him to it, and Shadow was forced to hurl in the garbage. Needless to say, Shadow didn't drink anything from Club Rouge for a really long time.

* * *

**Well that was fun to write. I don't know what to do next time…maybe a Gemini and Ciel centric chapter, perhaps? I don't know, I've been busy with finals and my deviantArt account (Ciel-Hedgehog over there). Btw, I might post a Brotherhood picture sometime, but I have yet to draw it. Anyway, see you all next week!**

** Oh yeah, and before I forget, the song Shadow sang is owned by Avenue Q, in case anyone was wondering. I didn't write it...thank goshness. X3**


	13. Of Flu's, Hallucinations, Hedgehogs

**Sorry the chapter's a little late. I had a major case of writer's block, but I luckily got a few ideas from Sakura Courage Solo (great artist and author, I might add), so you get you chapter. And to boot, it's Spring Break! Yayness!**

**You know the drill. Sega owns Shadow, I own Ciel and Gemmy. Say, did you know that Sega spelled backwards is Ages? Spelling things backward is fun. X3

* * *

**

It was a week and a half after the brothers had gone to Club Rouge. Everyone was in a much better mood, excluding Omega, since he was currently in jail after Shadow blew up part of the club. Nevertheless, when Shadow went to sleep that night, everything was calm. That morning, however, was a different story…

The Ultimate Lifeform lay in bed, sometime around seven in the morning. His head rested upon the pillow, with a small puddle of drool beside his mouth, and a little doll that resembled Maria in the crook of his arm. He snored a little as he lay dreaming about life, the universe, and…pudding. Chocolate pudding, to be precise, but that was beside the point, for his sleep was soon ended. A loud noise that sounded like a foghorn blasted through the air, almost breaking Shadow's ears as he bolted upright.

"What the hell…" Shadow grumbled. "A good night's sleep, and I get this? This is cruel, isn't it Maria? What do they expect from me?" The Maria doll did not reply, of course, and just sat there smiling. "Fine Maria, I'll go see what it is." Silence. "Yes Maria, I'll count to ten if I'm angry before I kill someone." In defense of Shadow, he was still half asleep as he said this, so he didn't realize the doll wasn't Maria. So, following "Maria's" orders, he stumbled out of his room. Another blast of noise sounded through the air, seeming to come from Gemini's room. Curious, Shadow knocked on the door.

"Id's oben," Gemini replied hoarsely, as his brother entered. The floor was littered with wadded up tissues, and a few empty tissue boxes. Gemini was in his bed, blowing his nose into another piece of the aforementioned paper. His snout was rather red, as was the skin around his eyes. The sunglasses he generally wore had been left on the dresser, so there was nothing to hide the mage's blue eyes, were considerably duller than normal. He hadn't even changed out of his pajamas, still wearing an old t-shirt and some shorts.

"Dammid, I think I god de flu," He muttered, his words sounding odd from his runny nose (don't you hate those?). Shadow was lucky in the fact that he couldn't get sick, but since Gemini had been kicked off of the Ark earlier, his immune system wasn't fully perfected, so he could get basic illnesses. Sadly, the flu was one of them.

"You don't look so good," was all Shadow could say.

"No duh Therlock, id's tho obious," Gemini growled (Translation: No duh Sherlock, it's so obvious). "Look Thadow, could you do me favor and get thome orange juthe?"

"Juthe?" Shadow asked.

"Juithe." Gemini mumbled in correction.

"Juithe?"

"No, juithe! J-U-I-thee-E!" Shadow thought a moment.

"Oh, orange juice!"

"Yeth, finally. Could you get me thome orange juithe? Pleathe?" Shadow looked over his brother, who was in a rather sorry state.

"Fine, I suppose I could," He decided. "Be right back." As Shadow left the room, foghorn-blow sounding behind him, he wondered where Ciel was. Generally, his cheerful little brother would have been with Gemini in a heartbeat, so why not now? The answer greeted him as he entered the living room. Apparently, Ciel had gotten sick too.

"Hey Shadow," he whispered hoarsely (thankfully, his nose wasn't stuffy, so he talked somewhat normal). "Sorry I didn't get to Gemini quicker. My head's feeling kind of funny."  
"I thought you couldn't get sick," Shadow said. "Because of that vampa-something or other." Ciel shook his head

"Not like most people do," Ciel explained. "I don't get viruses or anything, but I sometimes get a bad energy reaction. It generally only happens if I take a tainted bit of life energy. Like Eggman." Shadow sighed.

"…You bit him last night, didn't you?"

"Sorry, but I was hungry." Ciel coughed for a few seconds. "Don't worry, it's not contagious. I'm not sure about Gemini, though. Just between you and me, whenever he gets a fever, he gets delusional. And when he gets delusional, he ends up using his magic to try and get rid of them, and it gets really, really bad." Almost as soon as he said that, a small ice-bolt flew out of the magician's room.

"I thought he was too sick for that!" Shadow exclaimed.

"If Gemini was too sick for magic, he'd probably be dead soon anyway." Ciel replied. Shadow ran back to the bedroom, a small bolt of dark magic whizzing past his head.

"Gemini, what the hell are you doing?" Shadow asked. In reply, he was hit square in the chest with what felt like a brigade of needles. What his brother was hallucinating, he had no idea, but he did know he'd be dead if he didn't stop it. So, being Shadow, he pulled out a gun.

"Alright brother, cool it," The gun-slinger threatened. Gemini's eyes went wide.

"…Thorry Thadow," He apologized. "I wath trying to dethroy that bathtard of an echidna behind you." (Translation: Sorry Shadow, I was trying to destroy that bastard of an echidna behind you.) From this statement, it became clear the illusion was of Knuckles. Why those two fought all the time, Shadow never found out, but it annoyed him all the same.

"If I have to deal with this for the next few days, you are going to be in one sorry hellhole when you recover." Images of even worse illusions and spells filled the Ultimate Lifeform's mind. Another magic bolt flew through the air.

"What the hell did I just say Gemini?" Shadow yelled.

"I wath trying to hit the echidna," Gemini murmured quietly. He suddenly passed out, exhausted from the flu and over-energy usage. From outside the room, a flurry of coughs could be heard. Shadow was quietly thanking whatever was up in heaven or whatever for his inability to get sick himself before he marched off to take care of his brothers.

* * *

Rouge had finally calmed down over what had happened at the Club Rouge Bar. She hadn't seen Shadow since then, and he had missed his next thieving lesson. He barely ever missed something he promised to do, so the bat decided to check on her favorite black hedgehog. She knocked carefully on the door, her sensitive ears picking up the sounds of coughs and sneezes. The door slowly opened.

"Hey Rouge," Shadow greeted from the doorway. He looked worn-out and tired, his eyes looking redder than normal. Rouge raised an eyebrow.

"What's going on here Shaddy?" The treasure-hunter asked. "Sounds like a hospital in here or something. You don't look so good yourself."

"Ciel and Gemini got themselves sick," he replied sourly. "So I've had to take care of them since yesterday. To top it off, Gemini hallucinates when he has a fever, and he keeps seeing Knuckles everywhere, so when he isn't asleep, he's trying to kill me."

"Sounds like the "Ultimate Lifeform" is in over his head for once," Rouge noted. She gave the black hedgehog a wink. "I may be able to help you…for a price." Shadow's attention was caught.

"I need all the help I can get with these two," He exclaimed. "It's like babysitting two little kids! Just about impossible!"

"Guess that's a yes," the bat decided. "Let me in, then, and I'll see what I can do." Rouge strode confidently past Shadow into the living room. Ciel was on the couch, a thermometer sticking out of his mouth. He gave a little wave.

"Say Ciel," Rouge said, "Where do you keep the medicine?"

"Top-left cupboard in the kitchen. Why do you ask?" Rouge grinned.

"Shadow, did you at all think about the medicine in the medicine cabinet?" Rouge asked, emphasizing the word medicine. Shadow thought about this a minute before smacking himself in the head. "I suppose that means you didn't, doesn't it?"

"…I didn't know we had a medicine cabinet," Shadow stated sourly. Briefly giving him an "I told you so" face, Rouge made her way to the cupboard, grabbing some liquid flu medicine.

"You boys are so idiotic sometimes," she muttered. Out of nowhere, she pulled out a needle, cleaning it in the sink before putting the medicine inside. To Shadow, she looked like a sadistic nurse.

"Alright Ciel, you're first," Rouge stated, holding up the needle. The purplish-red fluid inside swirled around inside like some kind of blood. Ciel's eyes widened.

"Do we have to?"

"You don't want to be sick anymore, do you?"

"I'm not sick!" Ciel exclaimed before giving into another coughing fit. With a grin and a wink to Shadow, Rouge gave Ciel a shot in a perfect doctor style.

"I didn't know you were a nurse or anything," Shadow declared.

"I'm not. You have to learn how to handle basic medicines in GUN military training, and that includes needles." All of a sudden, another one of those infamous ice-spells flew out of Gemini's room, hitting Rouge in the back and encasing her in an ice block.

"I'm gonna' get you now Knuckles!" The Knuckles-hating hedgie exclaimed from the doorway in his room. He had a dangerous-looking needle-spell charging in one hand, and a less-than threatening wad of tissues in the other hand.

"How come I'm always getting mistaken with someone?" Shadow asked angrily. "Sonic, Knuckles, my brothers, even Omega and Sonic Man get mistaken for me! What the hell is everyone's problem?"

"You're unoriginal?" Gemini and Ciel guessed simultaneously. Shadow's eye began to twitch.

"The Ultimate Lifeform? Unoriginal? SCREW THAT!!!" In pure fury, Shadow wrenched the frozen needle out of Rouge's grasp, and began furiously stabbing it into Gemini's head. The pair began to wrestle on the floor, magic versus needle versus tissue. Ciel and Rouge could only watch as they clawed at each other (Ciel because he's Ciel, and Rouge because she was frozen still).

"Gimme the needle," Gemini growled, taking Shadow's pointy weapon of doom. The brothers began to then tug and pull on the needle, repeatedly pointing each other with it.

"Guys guys, cool it!" Ciel cried, getting in between them. "Come on guys, we're brothers! We shouldn't fight like this! cough cough Truce?"

"HELL NO!!!"

"…Crap."

* * *

It took a few hours for Rouge to unthaw, but she did eventually. Suppressing a sneeze from the cold, she looked behind her to see the triplets on the floor. It was a tangle of black fur all mopped up on the floor.

"You boys feeling better?" Rouge asked curiously.

"Surprisingly, I feel much better," Gemini admitted. "I guess the medicine actually worked."

"Likewise," Ciel said. "How about you Shadow?" Everyone turned to the red-streaked hedgehog.

"…My head feels funny…" Shadow groaned, putting a hand to his head. He suddenly sneezed, a string of green sticking out of his nose. "Anyone got a tissue?"

"Don't tell me you're sick now," Gemini growled. Shadow's eyes widened.

"Hold on…WHEN DID FAKER GET HERE?!?" Everyone looked around, with no Sonic in sight. Yes, Shadow was hallucinating too, but his Chaos Spear in his hand was not an illusion.

"Uh oh," Rouge said, her voice a mix of a flirt and a sadist. "Looks like somebody needs a shot…"

* * *

**Blah, I kept getting writer's block in this. Anyway, if you're wondering how Shadow got the flu when he's the Ultimate Lifeform, there is the fact that viruses mutate over time, so it's possible that some virus will eventually be able to get past his immune system. That, and the fact that you are NOT supposed to use a needle after poking your sick siblings with it. X3**

**Enjoy your Spring Break everyone! Much love to all of ya! ;P**


	14. A Camping We All Go

**Alright, next chappie everyone. I would like very much to thank Toni the Fluffy for the idea of this chapter, among other things. And uh, yeah, that's about it.**

**I still only own Gemini and Ciel…

* * *

**

During the time Shadow was sick, life was a living hell. It was almost as if he was getting payback on his brothers somehow, except with lots of sneezing involved. However, he recovered after about two or three days (he is the Ultimate Lifeform, after all), and immediately wanted out of the apartment he had been temporarily confined in. It was then a fabulous idea struck him.

"Say guys, I think I got an idea," Shadow remarked one quiet day. All three brothers were in the living room at the moment, bored out of their minds.

"You can think? Congratulations," Gemini answered sarcastically. "Alright, what is it?"

"I was thinking…how about we try camping?" Gemini and Ciel exchanged glances at this.

"…Camping?"

"Yes, camping," Shadow replied. "I need to get out of this house right now. Lots of people camp out in the woods, and I've even stumbled upon Sonic doing it once or twice. So I was thinking, "If that faker Sonic can do it, why can't I?" It's the perfect opportunity."

"Sounds like fun!" Ciel exclaimed. "Can we go too?"

"Why do you think I brought it up? I need witnesses for when I show up Sonic in yet another thing." Shadow smirked at the thought. Ciel was excited, yet Gemini was less than thrilled.

"I'll stay here, thank you very much," The magician decided. "Wild animals, weather, annoying bug life…there is nothing out there that should make me leave home for any reason. You two go ahead." Shadow shrugged.

"Too bad then," he said. "Though I'm sure Tikal would rather like being able to talk with you about something she likes, like nature…" A bright blush shot up his brother's cheeks, because for reasons no one knew, Gemini was known to have a crush on Tikal.

"Point taken. Fine, let's get going already." Shadow seemed to be developing an ability to talk people into things, probably another thing he was picking up from Rouge. It didn't take long before the trio of black hedgehogs were Chaos Controlling into the woods.

Ezak Forest was one of those many places that were absolutely out in the middle of nowhere. Even explorers and cartographers had trouble making routes to it, it was so far from everything. It was a choice spot for hermits, who often lived in various trees until they fell out and broke their head. Serious damage here was deadly, since it would take hours for an ambulance to even get a general sense of where they were. This, of course, didn't stop Shadow from using it as a camping ground.

"Nice enough place," The red-streaked camper remarked. "Definitely a change from that apartment." He looked over to his brothers. "Okay, here's the plan; Ciel, you set up the tents and stuff. Gemini, you go look for some firewood. I am going to go catch dinner."

"You didn't bring any food?"

"None except for marshmallows. I figured I could also try hunting too!" With that, Shadow pulled his trusty gun from its hiding spot in his quills, and set off for some food.

"This is not going to end well," Gemini groaned. "So…what is this "firewood" I'm supposed to grab?"

"Just sticks and stuff," Ciel replied. "I just hope Shadow doesn't kill anything."

"Uhmm, you kinda' have to kill stuff to eat it, Ciel."

"Oh." Ciel blinked. "So the people had to kill the marshmallows?"

"…Never mind. I'm leaving." Gemini turned around to set off on his quest for firewood. Ciel, meanwhile, looked around the campsite.

"Wow…it's really lonely. Maybe I should start setting up the tents." Within minutes, the winged hedgehog had pulled out the folded-up pieces of cloth and metal sticks, attempting to make them look like the picture of the set-up tent on the box. Unfortunately, he didn't notice the directions, and instead was in a kind of wrestling match with the thing. Sadly, the tent was winning, seeing as the poles continuously found their way into Ciel's eyes, poking him mercilessly.

"That's it, I had enough," He growled. "I think this is Shadow's line, but…I'M GONNA SEND YOU TO HELL!!!" The infuriated hedgehog then began to claw and tear at the miserable piece of crud, until all that was left was a few scraps.

"…I think I broke it…" Ciel noticed as he looked at the ground. He had also accidentally torn up some of the supplies too. "Well…uhmm…at least we still have the…" he looked around. The only thing still intact was the…

"Marshmallows? Oh boy…"

* * *

Meanwhile, Shadow wasn't having much luck either. All he had managed to shoot so far were old hermits, and those weren't edible. He had tried. So, the hunter wanna-be searched in vain for a meal. Suddenly, there was a noise in the bushes. Seeing the opportunity, Shadow slunk over, and moved the branches.

"Croak." Staring at him was a frog. It was a strangely familiar frog; one he felt was supposed to have died a number of chapters ago. Shrugging the thought aside, Shadow put his gun away, and grabbed a fork. Frogs, he had heard, tasted a lot like fishy chicken. The fork was thrust downward toward the amphibian, when…

"Hello Mr. Shadow." The black hedgehog froze mid-stab. Did that frog just talk? No, the voice had been too deep for a frog. It could only belong to one being. One very purple, large being who loved fishing.

"Hell no," He groaned, for the person in fact was none other than Big the Cat. "I thought you lived in Mystic Ruins?"

"I did," The feline replied. "However, since Sega hasn't had me in any games, so I lost my paycheck and home, so I decided to move in here with all the nice hermit crabs. But none of them were hermit crabs, they were hermit hermits! So I ate them." The feline paused a moment. "Oh, and I found Froggy again. Isn't that nice?" Shadow's eye twitched from the air of stupidity that surrounded the cat.

"Sure, congrats, whatever. I have to go now, so-"

"You think so too?" Big asked. "Great! Let's have a cele…celebra…celebratory, yeah that's the word! A celebratory group hug!"

"No f-ing way," Shadow said. Unfortunately, Big had already grabbed him.

"I'm so happy to find someone who cares!" The gargantuan cat sobbed. "You…you are so nice Mr. Shadow! You and the little rabbit with the little chao and Froggy and the pink hedgehog are my beeeeeest frieeeeends…"

"NOOOOO!!!"

* * *

Now, it's obvious that at least two of the trio of hedgehogs were not very happy at the moment. So, what about the third? Miserable. Gemini had been looking for firewood for a good half an hour, and had found various sticks and branches.

"Phew, glad that's over with," Gemini declared. "Now, I just need to get back to camp, and…" The looked around. Which way was the way back to camp? "Crap…well, no biggie. I'll just use a tracking spell, and I should be able to find the camp." He muttered a few words, making sure each word was exactly right (one mispronunciation, and a simple spell could turn into a disaster). Unfortunately, there was just one problem: Ezak Forest was so out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere, even the spell couldn't track where anything was. The magician was out of luck, for even after five different attempts, he still got nothing.

"Oh well…it shouldn't be that hard to get to camp," He muttered nervously, fidgeting with his sunglasses. "I'm sure it was that way…no, to the left…" A sudden paranoia hit. "Maybe I'll never get back. I'll be stuck in the forest forever, and become a lunatic stalker that lives with wild animals! I'll be lost to civilization and go insane…and when I'm finally found, I'll be a wild animal myself! Wahh!" With that, he did what any senseless, scared-out-of-their-minds person would do: Drop everything, run around aimlessly, and scream bloody murder.

"HOLY bleep OF BLOODY bleep, WHAT THE bleep AM I bleepING SUPPOSED TO DO?!?" There was a sudden pause in screaming. "Hold on, where's all that bleeping coming from whenever I swear? Gah, I'm going insane already!" Resume screaming.

Oh yeah, and in case things don't seem bad enough already, remember those stupid hermits the author keeps mentioning for no apparent reason? Well, since they are so protective of their tree-homes, they have a tendency to leave bear traps around their tree of choice. Really big bear traps. And, of course, Gemini just had to run into them. His foot ran right into a bear trap, causing it to snap. The magician screamed, as he tried to remove that bear trap with a spell, only to step in another. And another, yet another, etc. Apparently, the owner of this tree was either overprotective, paranoid, or both, because there were about seventeen traps around the whole tree. Luckily for Gemini, he only snapped sixteen of them.

"Come on, this is just bleeping cruel," The blue-striped trap-bait cried. "Shadow better be enjoying himself out there…" A sudden flash of black sped past the trees.

"GangawayBigtheCatisaftermeandisgonnakillmeohmygodohmygodohmyrun!" Yes, the Black Blur Shadow had escaped the cat, and was running for dear life.

"Hold on Shadow, wait for me!" Gemini didn't want to be left alone, especially with the fisher-feline approaching, so he ran after Shadow (more like a painfully speedy hobble, for there were still bear traps clamped on his legs). Far behind them, Big the Cat stopped.

"Why are we running again Froggy?" He asked his little froggy buddy.

"Croak."

"I don't know either. Let's go home and fish. I think I finally found a hermit crab!" With that, the intimate threat toddled away, leaving the two hedgehog brothers running for no apparent reason. We'll check up on them in a bit.

* * *

It was starting to get dark in the great Ezak forest. Since his brothers hadn't returned yet, he had decided to set up the campfire. It had taken a while, until he noticed Shadow's flamethrower was with the marshmallows, so he started the flames with that. Right now, he was trying to figure out marshmallows.

"Alrighty, sixth try's the charm, right?" He stuck the puffy white object on a stick, and put it over the fire. He had figured that out, but not what came next. It didn't seem to be edible while it was over the fire (he had tried, and burned his ear and chin fur in two separate attempts), yet they burned if kept over the flames too long, and crumpled into dust. The last time, he had finally gotten it, and his treat was stolen by a hermit (last mention of those buggers, I swear), and an owl the time before. So here he was, for the sixth time, with a marshmallow. As it burned slowly, he let his thoughts wander.

"Hmm, I'm surprised Shadow and Gemini haven't come back yet," The younger brother mused. "Oh well, they're probably enjoying themselves. They really needed a break from all this excitement. And here, it's really peaceful." At that very moment, a sudden wind blew through the trees from a burst of speed, as two black beings ran into the camp.

"Think we lost him?" Asked the first, who was covered in purple and white fur.

"I hope so." Replied the other, who was covered in blood from bear traps. Ciel stared at the two.

"Shadow? Gemini? Where were you guys? No offense, but you look awful." Red and blue eyes exchanged glances.

"WE MADE IT BACK!!!" They both screamed. Shadow pulled out his Chaos Emerald. "Great, we're leaving right now."

"But Shadow," Ciel said, "Weren't we going to stay all night?"

"Screw that, we're leaving now Remind me to never, ever go camping again. Chaos Control" There was a bright flash of light, and all that was left of the trio was a wrecked campsite, and a bag of half-eaten marshmallows. Out from under the trees toddled Big.

"Looky Froggy, a campsite," The feline exclaimed after about five minutes of staring. "They left marshmallows too. Yay Froggy, free dinner!"

"Ribbit."

"I'm glad you agree! Gimme' a hug, my pollywog pal!" _Squish._ "Froggy, where are you? Oh well, more marshmallows for me."

* * *

**Hehe, poor Big and Froggy. They're just so easy to make fun of, which is kinda' sad, because they aren't that pathetic. Oh well. Don't worry, Shadow and the others made it home alright. Oh yeah, April Fools Day! Don't know what I'm fooling you for, but yeah. Enjoy.**


	15. Dates and Shadows Don't Mix

**No, I'm never on time anymore. I'm sorry, I had a busy week, and then the site wouldn't let me submit it. However, I did get this written (With thanks to SexyShadowGirl for the help), and it's now here (thought there is some randomness near the end, due to a rather dead brain)! Oh yeah, there is some Shadouginess in this chapter. If you hate it too much, pretend it's ShadowxSomeone-you-prefer or RougexSomeone-you-prefer. I don't see why pairings are such a big deal, though…**

**I own Ciel, Gemini, and that's a hassle as it is. I do not own Shadow and Rouge…yet. Don't worry, the plan for Sega Domination is underway! Mwahaha!!! Oh yeah, and I do not own Texaco. Hmm…maybe I can take that first, and get all the money they earn from gas! I'm a GENIUS!!!

* * *

**

The next few days were spent by the brothers indoors, not wanting to repeat their camping trip in any way, shape, or form. Thing were quiet…until the phone rang. That blasted phone that hung on the wall just had to ring while the three black hedgehogs were having an important discussion, in their opinion, at least (it was really an argument over how good the game Shadow the Hedgehog was, and how ironic it was that Shadow sucked so bad at playing it). As I mentioned earlier, the phone began to ring, and after a few quick round of rock-paper-scissors, Shadow was forced to answer the phone.

"Shadow here, what do you want?" He asked coldly.

"Come on Shaddy; don't talk to me like that." Only one person dared call him Shaddy: Rouge.

"…Rouge, what do you want now?" "Shaddy" asked. "I thought our next thieving spree was next week."

"It is, but I have an important favor to ask. Do you remember when your brothers got sick, and I agreed to help you…for the right price?"

"Only too well."

"Well, the price is this: There's this restaurant in town, the Pearl Damsel. Perhaps you've heard of it? Anyway, the reason it's called the "Pearl" Damsel, is because it has this prize Pearl as a centerpiece; one of the largest in the world! Thing is, they have really tight security, and the only way in is to actually be a customer."

"Your point?"

"…I'm broke at the moment," Rouge explained, "So I either need to borrow some money (and who knows when she'll return it, Shadow thought), or, if you'd be kind enough to pay for me directly…"

"Are you suggesting I take you to this place, and pay for your meal?" On the other line, the bat laughed.

"I prefer the term "Taking me out to dinner," but you've got the gist of it. Of course, if that isn't enough for you, there's also the prospect that this place's cooking is far better than anything you could get at your apartment." Shadow mulled over this. A nice meal would be a plus. Also, taking Rouge out to dinner…wasn't that a kind of date? Even if it was just to steal something, it did seem like a date of sorts. A slow blush crept over the black hedgehog's features.

"I suppose it could be arranged," he replied. "When do I pick you up?"

"First off, I don't trust your driving. Second, you don't know where it is, so you can't just Chaos Control there. I'll just meet you outside your door. Ta ta!" _Click_. Gemini and Ciel looked over at their red-streaked brother.

"What was that all about Shadow?" Ciel asked.

"I basically just got asked on a date. Either of you got a tie?"

* * *

It was about nine-fifteen. Shadow didn't know how exactly to dress for a fancy restaurant (which the Pearl Damsel, with a name like that must be), so he just put a tie on. It looked kind of odd, with no suit to go with it, but it was a nice red color at least. As Shadow prowled around the door like a wolf, Ciel and Gemini hung back.

"Our psychotic brother on a date?" The mage mused. "I doubt we should leave him be for this. What do you say about tagging along?"

"Tag? Sounds like fun!" Ciel laughed. "Hold on, I'll spruce up quickly. Be right back!" The happy hedgie skipped off to the closet in the living room, where he kept his stuff (since he didn't have his own room). Gemini just smirked, watching Shadow pace back and forth. At exactly nine-twenty, the doorbell chimed.

In the doorway, Rouge was looking extravagant. She was wearing a teal and black dress, which complimented her eyes, along with matching makeup. Giving Shadow a wink that would melt most men's hearts, she led him out the door. A few minutes later, Ciel and Gemini snuck out the door. From below, they could see the bat and their brother drive away in Rouge's black car (don't ask me what kind, I'm clueless on cars).

"So how exactly do we follow them?" Ciel asked his brother. Gemini motioned at the younger brother's wings.

"We could fly."

"…This isn't a good idea…"

"Hey, we have nothing else to go in. You just fly, I'll give you directions. Trust me, we'll be there in no time." Ciel shrugged, and then let Gemini climb atop his back before lifting off.

* * *

Shadow didn't particularly like being in a car that he wasn't driving, but he did admit Rouge did a better job at it (she wasn't crashing into the mall or anything). The Pearl Damsel was in Central City, so the pair was currently on the highway there. Shadow watched as up above, the stars began to shine faintly. Meanwhile, Rouge's mind was split into three parts: One on driving the car, one on the prospect of stealing a precious pearl, and the third on the black hedgehog in the seat next to her.

_"Sometimes, I just want to know what he's thinking,"_ She thought. _"What does the Ultimate Lifeform think of? Am I ever on his mind?"_ Insert a few more hopeless romantic thoughts, and a few non-romantic ideas, and that was Rouge's mind. However, all thoughts stopped when the car engine began to sputter.

"What the hell's up with the car?" Shadow asked as it began to slow.

"I'm not a car person Shadow, so don't ask me," The bat-girl replied, getting it off the road before anyone had a chance to run into it. _Sputter sputter. Wheeeeeze. Plbbt._ The car was now dead, on the side of the highway, with a pair of very ticked thieves.

"Well this is just great," Shadow groaned. "Now what do we do?"

"We push it to the nearest gas station, that's what we do," Rouge replied. "We can't just leave it here on the side of the road, and it's too late for us to get to the Pearl Damsel now anyway. Come on, get to the back of the car and help me push it, Shaddy." The black hedgehog groaned at the nickname, and then proceeded to help push the black vehicle. Even though Rouge was in a dress and all, she didn't hesitate to help. After half an hour of shoving and tugging, the pair managed to make it to a Texaco.

"Never thought I'd be glad to make it here at night," Rouge admitted as they stopped the car, Rouge leaning against it now. "Some dinner plan, eh?"

"Mmmhmm," Shadow murmured. The stars shone real bright now, since there were no city lights to block the view. "Guess we aren't getting to that pearl tonight.

"Or dinner." Almost on cue, both stomachs rumbled. "Dang, guess we screwed up this time." There was a pause. "Say Shadow, know any songs or something to pass the time?" Shadow raised an eyebrow.

"Not really. Let's see…_I'm here...in a gas station...with a bat and a broken car...and uh, I'm hungry...and bored...I ripped my stupid tie...I'd like some mashed potatoes...I cannot sing worth crap...naaaarf. _See? Nothing." The snowy bat beside him laughed a light, whimsical laugh. Shadow found he didn't mind the sound, unlike so many other noises that annoyed him so.

"At least we have each other to keep us company." The bat said, looking up at the stars. "We should probably try to fix the car now, eh?"

"Oh yeah, the car. Sure."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Pearl Damsel, Shadow and Rouge were (of course) nowhere in sight. Ciel and Gemini, who were waiting there for them, were starting to get worried.

"Where do you suppose they are?" Ciel asked, flapping his wings in boredom. "Shouldn't they be here by now?"

"I don't have any idea, Ciel," Gemini replied. "They aren't inside, or outside, and no one's seen them whatsoever."

"Well, can you guess where they are?"

"Sure, they got shot by cannibals." This was said sarcastically, but alas, Ciel did not understand sarcasm yet.

"Omigawd, cannibals? We have to go save them Gemini!" Ciel began tugging at his brother's sleeve. The mage just laughed.

"Relax Ciel, I was kidding."

"Kidding?" Ciel asked, not knowing the word. "…You had kids? I thought only women had kids." The winged hedgie gasped. "You're a GIRL? Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were brothers! Or brother in sister, or-"

"I didn't tell you because I'm not a girl, you idiot! Kidding means joking, as in fooling around, as in I DIDN'T MEAN IT!!!" Ciel pondered this a minute.

"So what do we do about the cannibals?" smack

"There. Are. No. CANNIBALS!!!" Gemini screamed, completely ignoring the customers inside the restaurant. "I was being sarcastic! There are no cannibals, no shooting, and I have no idea where they are. Happy?"

"But then-"

"Ciel, just shut up. We're going to go right now to find them, okay?" Silence.

"Answer me!"

"You just said to shut up though!" Gemini blinked, counting off to ten in his head. He gave up at four.

"Never mind, let's leave." So the pair flew off after their brother, much to the relief of the Pearl Damsel's occupants, since no one wants an argument during dinner. They were later interrupted again when Omega crashed the place after escaping jail, but he isn't the main character, so we'll leave that for another time. Let's get back to Shadow, now shall we?

* * *

Back at Texaco, the Ultimate Lifeform was currently under the car, trying in vain to find what was wrong. He had ripped and un-ripped every pipe and metal thinger in the whole vehicle. As another miscellaneous oil blob plopped onto his head, Shadow finally crawled out.

"Rouge, I have absolutely no idea what could be wrong with this confounded machine." The bat sighed.

"In case you haven't been listening to me for the past half-an-hour, I told you, the car's just out of gas! I bet that you've probably broke more by now, of course."

"Well, where do we get gas at?"

"Hmm, I don't know…a gas station? Like the one we're at now?" Rouge sighed. "I think you sniffed too many car fumes under there."

"Hey, I didn't know Texaco was a gas station. I thought it was some Texan thing." He paused, for something in the sky caught his eye. "Hey Rouge, is that a bird?" The bat followed his gaze.

"I think it's a plane. Birds don't fly around here at night."

"It's a bird."

"It's a plane."

"No, it's a…no, it is a plane." Of course, they were both wrong. It was-

"GEMINI, I'M GOING TO CRASH!!!" Yes, it was Ciel (with Gemini on his back), who had not perfected the delicate art of landing on the ground. However, he could crash into a gas pump just fine. That's why he did just that. _Splat!_

"Shadow," Rouge asked, "What are your brothers doing here?"

"I have no idea." Shadow walked over to his bumbling siblings, both of which had sticky gas seeping into their fur from the broken pump. The Ultimate Lifeform loomed over them like…like some impressive Ultimate thing.

"Hey Gemini, I found Shadow!" Ciel exclaimed happily. "Why is he on that date thing at a gas station?"

"Mrrmblemummble…geoffme Ciel," Gemini grumbled, since he was stuck between a gas pump, the ground, and his winged brother. Shadow continued to stare at the pair.

"You two weren't following me on my date by any chance, were you?"

"Nope, we were tagging along, Shadow." Ciel replied. "Oh, by the way…tag!" Shadow got a playful poke in the leg by his brother. Shadow blinked.

"…Tag? What is this…"tag" of which you speak?" The next few minutes were left as Ciel and Gemini ended up explaining this game to Shadow. And guess who had to fill the car up with gas? Rouge.

"Well, it could be worse," She decided, her eyes watching as the three brothers chased each other like kids. "…I get free gas from the broken pump!"

"You're it!" Someone had poked the bat and ran off. Rouge grinned.

"I'm it, am I?" Grinning, she grabbed Shadow by his broken tie. With absolute suddenness, the duo kissed. Yes, a romantic kiss, which is making all those Shadouge fans out there go "Yay!" and everyone else say, "Hold on, I thought this was a humor story." Meanwhile, Gemini and Ciel stared, jaws hanging.

"I didn't know you could tag like that," Ciel exclaimed. Gemini shook his head, until an evil grin came upon his face.

"Get a room you two!" He shouted. The pair broke up, Shadow glaring (and blushing), and Rouge smirking.

"Say that again after you get a life Gemmy." And they resumed their kiss.

"…That burned," The mage groaned.

"Need a band-aid Gemini?" Ciel asked.

"Just be quiet Ciel. Just be quiet."

* * *

**Haha, burn! I finally got this chapter done…after much heckliness. I'm really sorry it's late, but you know what? I did it. Yeah…much love to all of you. I LOVE YOU ALL MY FOLLOWERS!!! Oh, you didn't hear that last part. Yeah…cough cough See you all next time!**


	16. Mouse Hunt!

**I will get this on time! I swear to it I will! I've been toying with the idea of this chapter for awhile, so I finally decided to write it up. Much thanks to…no one! I came up with this myself! So go on and read. I won't disturb you.**

**…Disturbance for disclaimer! X3 Shadow belongs to Sega. Gemini, Ciel, and the Mouse (you'll see in a bit) belong to me. IN ACCORDANCE TO THE PROPHECY!!! (Thank you Emma, I heart you) Okay, no more disturbances. Honestly.

* * *

**

The date-that-was-not-a-date was finally over, and Texaco was no longer plagued by hedgehogs and bats. Shadow and his brothers were at home, like they always seem to be at the start of a chapter. Why? No idea. At the time, Shadow and Gemini were playing multiplayer on Shadow the Hedgehog, a game they only possessed because Shadow himself was in it. Ciel was watching, wondering why one of the hedgehogs in multiplayer looked almost exactly like him (which is true). As the Ultimate Lifeform attempted to shoot everything in sight, he heard something.

"Squeak." Red eyes looked around for the source of the noise (giving Gemini enough time to catch up and shoot him), yet no one else was in sight. The only other place it could be was in the couch, so without hesitation, Shadow lifted that up (hey, he can lift a freaking bus, so why not a couch?).

"What the hell are you doing?" Gemini asked, since he was on top of the furniture.

"I heard some squeaking noise. I think it came from the…oh, there it is!" With the couch suspended in the air, it left no place to hide for a mouse. It was a small mouse in question, sniffing under the ground for crumbs. Shadow and Ciel, both of which were on the ground, both stared at the vermin.

"Aww, it's so cute!" Ciel bent down and picked the critter up, stroking its fur. Shadow's eye twitched.

"Ciel, that's a mouse. Mice are evil. They invade your home, eat all your cheese, and spread rabies and stuff."

"But I don't have any cheese or rabies. Besides look how cute it is!" Ciel held out the mouse, which stared up at Shadow with beady little eyes. The hedgehog growled menacingly.

"I wouldn't care if it was the cutest mouse in all of existence. Get it out." Knowing better that to argue with his brothers, Ciel would have gotten rid of the mouse. Unfortunately for him, it was at that moment Shadow's arm tired out, and he dropped both couch and Gemini onto Ciel. The mouse, being tossed into the air, flew from the hedgehog's grasp to a precariously placed hole, and disappeared.

"Owie, Shadow! Couches hurt," The winged hedgehog moaned, crawling out from under the furniture. "And no offense, but having Gemini on it too didn't help much."

"Are you suggesting something, by any chance?" Gemini asked, glaring. "You'd better not be, or else." No, you won't know what the "or else" referred to, because Shadow interrupted them. The Ultimate Lifeform once again had a purpose, to serve, for it was known (or maybe it wasn't) that Shadow the Hedgehog hated mice. Not fear, hate.

"I am going to get rid of that mouse once and for all! I will chase that vermin out of my house, and if I don't I'll kill it, and then kick it out! THIS IS WHO I AM!!!" Shadow grabbed his brothers by the arm. "You two are going to help me kill that thing, whether you like it or not!"

"We don't."

"Good then, you won't be disappointed later. Come then, we have a mouse to hunt!"

* * *

Not much time had passed before the trio of black hedgehogs initiated their first fool-proof plan. First off, they forced Ciel to go to Wal-Mart and buy every single mouse trap available. When he came back, each and every trap was set across the kitchen floor, set with little bits of cheese in them (and some olives, in case the mouse was lactose intolerant). 

"It's like a chain reaction," Shadow explained. "Even if the mouse sneaks the cheese out of one, it'll end up snapping the others, and every single trap will clamp upon that little rodent. I saw it in a movie once." Gemini nodded uncertainly, for he still retained a slight fear of traps after the camping trip.

"So, now we just get out of the kitchen, and wait." Unfortunately, Shadow had covered every inch of the floor with mouse traps, leaving no walking room. To make things worse, the hoverskates were still in Shadow's room, and Ciel was busy taking a shower. No way out. Oh well, at least it would catch the mouse, right?

Wrong.

In case you didn't know, mice are actually the smartest beings on Earth (as noted by Douglass Adams in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, with the books being better than the movie). Humans (and Sonic Characters) are the third smartest, and the second smartest are dolphins. Dolphins can fly, too. However, mice don't need to fly, and most certainly not to escape mouse traps.

The rodent Shadow was trying so hard to exterminate climbed on top of the counter using a nearby broom. It then scampered across the counter, leaped over the sink, and began to climb an electrical cord up to the refrigerator with acrobatic ease as the pair of hedgehogs watched it. From atop the fridge, the mouse looked down at the sea of mouse traps. One could almost say it was _smiling_ as it pushed a tiny little cherry with its head.

The little fruit dropped. A trap snapped. Like dominoes, the traps all tripped, snapping up everywhere like a tidal wave of piranhas. Shadow and Gemini watched in horror as the wave snapped ever closer, and initiated Emergency Defense Procedure Number Two: Curl up in a little ball and hope your spikes can take care of it.

**SNAP!!!** Emergency Defense Procedure Number Two failed miserably, and both hedgies had mousetraps all over them. Shadow groaned painfully as he tried to stand up.

"Dammit, this isn't over yet!" He yelled triumphantly. "Time for Plan B! Just as soon as I think of one, of course."

* * *

Plan B was so simply thought out, it was eloquently beautiful. Cats hate mice, right? Well, what better way to kill a mouse than to hire a cat? It was also known that Blaze was indeed a cat. So, Shadow decided, they just needed to hire Blaze to kill the mouse. After a quick phone call, the lavender feline arrived at their door. 

"So, if I manage to eradicate this vermin for you, what will you do in return? I do not wish to use my powers needlessly."

"Look," Shadow explained. "Get rid of this vermin, and…Gemini will never attempt to kill Knuckles again. Fair?"

"What?" Said Mage screeched. Blaze thought a minute.

"Sure thing, then. Let me show you how it's done." Crouching down on all fours, tail twitching in the air, Blaze took a sniff. Body odor, fur, magical ingredients…bingo, mouse. With a mighty howl of fury, Blaze took off like a bullet towards the mouse. Claws extended and flaming, the cat swiped at the vermin like Tom and Jerry gone bad.

Why do cats hate mice? Simple: You have to be pretty dang good if you can kill the smartest creature on the planet, right? It's all a pride thing. Some cats even eat the mouse's head in hopes of getting smarter (Trust me, I have nine cats. I know, and so does anyone else with cats). Of course, mice have developed ways of getting rid of cats. Especially flaming princess cats.

The mouse ducked into a hole. With her mouse-hunting instinct taking over, Blaze clawed her way through the hole as well. The mouse continued to run, furious cat in suit, until it was in the bathroom wall. Under the water pipe the mouse went, and Blaze…you can imagine what happened.

Shadow watched in silence as water began to flow out of the bathroom. That mouse was going too far. Instantly, Shadow's Machine Gun was in his hands.

**"YOU'RE GONNA' DIE, YA' LITTLE BUGGER!!!"** Bullets began to fly everywhere, bouncing off the walls. Some of the apartment was on fire because of Blaze's powers, water was pouring out of the bathroom (with Blaze and Ciel, who had just gotten done with his shower, with the flow). With all the chaos going on, Gemini did what any normal person would do. He simply walked out of the house, and watched the house fall apart. Oh, and call 9-1-1. That might help too.

"I finally caught it!" Shadow waded through the water to his blue-streaked brother. "I felt something brush up against my leg, and I grabbed it, and it was the mouse! And I caught it, for I am…The Ultimate Lifeform! No need for applause."

"Shadow? You grabbed Ciel by his tail." Shadow looked down to see his little brother, who was trying to dry off with a towel.

"Oh. Damn. No matter, the mouse is gone, right? It couldn't have survived that." From out of the apartment floated the couch. Inside of the furniture, the little mouse smiled happily. Other animals were so stupid.

* * *

**Don't get me wrong, I hate mice. My mom does too. However, I just had to do a mouse-hunting chapter. Hope you all liked it. X3 I twas kinda' fun to make Shaodw like this, even though he was a little OOC...oh well.**

**Oh yeah, and remember: Ideas are always welcome!**


	17. I Don't Love the Robot! Honest!

**Yeah, I know I didn't update last week. I had reasons. Anywho, the next chapter is up. Hoo-ray. Oh, and this is not a chapter for little kids to read. There's a reason this story is T rated. X3**

**No, I don't own Shadow, Tails, or any related stuff. I do own, however, Ciel and Gemmy (no one else can call him that unless I say so!). Oh, and Dandylions owns Chateau Royale, emo grass, and their quick mention. Blah.

* * *

**

Well, it was agreed the apartment was wasted. There was quite a bit of yelling at by the owner of the apartment complex, which only ended after Gemini hexed her into a three-year nap. So, with no home, the brothers decided on what to do.

"No matter what the plan is, becoming a hobo is out of the question," Shadow stated simply. "So is bumming the streets. So, any ideas?"

"I suppose the Ark's out of the question too," Gemini added, fidgeting with his sunglasses. "We could probably invade someone's house until we find another place." Ciel opened his mouth to say something. "No Chateau Royale Ciel; remember what we heard from Bark and Bean?"

"Oh darn it." After a quick discussion, the gang decided the only reliable place was Tail's house. It would be stupid to bunk at a girl's house (eliminating Amy, Cream and Vanilla, Tikal, and Rouge), and Gemini made it quite clear he would not stay at Knuckle's house. Ever. Besides, Blaze was steamed at the trio for the failed mouse hunt, and since she lived with Knux, she wouldn't let them stay anyway. The Chaotix were too whacko, Big was out of the question, Bean and Bark didn't really have a house, Eggman was an obvious no, and Nack was…Nack. Besides, Tails was a nice guy. He'd understand, right?

* * *

A certain kitsune had just finished a quick lunch of green tea and a PBJ. He couldn't waste too much time, for he was in the middle of building an advanced submarine: The Tsunami. Why Tails named all his vehicles after some sort of storm, no one knew, but it was still pretty cool. Today, he was adding a multiple-missile system, an advanced hull, and a-

Suddenly, a loud _Pa-twing!_ Noise filled the air. That meant one thing: Sonic must have forgotten the entrance password again, and was now getting chased by lasers. What was this; the thirty-second time? The mechanic walked over to de-activate the laser, and was surprised to see not one, but three hedgehogs. Shadow and Gemini were running from the laser like chickens with their heads cut off, while Ciel stood calmly at the door.

"Hey Mister Laser, do you know where Tails is?" He asked, since he couldn't see the kitsune. "We accidentally wrecked our apartment, and need a place to stay for awhile. Can you get Tails so I can ask him?"

"Sure Ciel, I don't mind if you guys stay for a bit," Tails replied. Since the fox was out of sight, it seemed like the laser system replied.

"Wow, you sound a lot like Tails, Mister Laser! Must be that A.I. stuff. Still, shouldn't you ask Tails before letting us in? Or are you supposed to let people in?" Yes, he was oblivious to his brothers running around like maniacs behind him. The lasers were suddenly shut off, and Tails stepped out.

"Don't worry, it's just me. Like I said, you guys can bunk here for awhile. Just as long as you keep the place decent, and no one touches my machines. Deal?"

"Thanks fox-boy," Shadow replied, having almost lost his tail. "No more lasers inside, right?" The mechanic thought a minute.

"Only five, but I think the only one that's on is the one in front of my bedroom. Or was it the hallway? Anyway, come on in!" Tails and Ciel walked in, while Shadow exchanged glances with Gemini.

"It can't be that bad, can it?"

"Beats me. Heck, can't be worse than staying at someone else's place, right?" The duo nodded, and headed inside.

Being inside Tail's house was like entering a high-tech laboratory. His home had been decked out in all the latest technology (which he himself had built), with personal robots being the only thing missing in this house of the future. In fact, pretty much the only thing that wasn't totally filled with gadgets and gizmos was the ceiling. That was reserved for posters and blueprints. Oh, and changing so it seemed like you were looking at the sky above. Yes, technology ruled the home.

"Make yourselves comfortable," Tails said. "I need to go work on the Tsunami. It's an advanced submarine that-"

"Uhmm, not to interrupt or anything, but where's the bathroom?" Shadow was personally glad Ciel had asked that, just so Tails wouldn't start speaking in geek. It was like when Gemini started talking about his magic stuff. Looking around, Shadow noticed his magic-hyped brother was nowhere in sight. Where had he gone off to now? Sighing, the Ultimate Lifeform set down his luggage to go find him.

* * *

Of all of the rooms in the kitsune's house, probably the most important was the Junk Hall. It was a secret hall hidden behind a vault, which was blocked from view by a section of the wall, which was cleverly disguised by the TV. Unfortunately, the television was currently being repaired, and the vault's lock had been broken long ago by a mutant chilidog invasion (don't ask; the Men in Black are watching), leaving the hall wide open. A hall of eternal torment and closet clutter.

For the record, Gemini had thought it was the way to the kitchen. Which, of course, the hall was not.

Instead, Junk Hall was a refuge for all of Tail's mis-inventions. Stuff that blew up, was dysfunctional, or just wouldn't turn on for more than an hour, no matter what kind of batteries you tried. Some of these creations were still functional. For example, where do you think Sega hid all those annoying Omochao, aside from the ones that snuck into Sonic Riders? Yes, our favorite fox built the little buggers, and they went right back into the hall. Accompanying them was a purple Mech-suit (originally to be Big's in SA2:B multiplayer mode before the chao stole his job), various trinkets, emo grass (sure it cut itself, but due to it's tendency of wearing black and red, the lawn still looked horrible), and… a female robot. A very familiar looking robot.

"What the hell?" Gemini muttered. In front of him stood what looked like Metal Sonic with implants and eyelashes. Oh, and a pink dye-job, with a matching red jumpsuit. Personally, it eerily made him think of a Metal Amy. Suddenly, Gemini noticed a red button nearby. A big red button. Everyone knows what happens to big red buttons, right? They get pushed.

"I wonder what this does…" With a click, the robot's eyes flared open, shining a bright acid green color.

"**State your name**," It asked.

"Uhmm…My name is Gemini. Who the hell are you?"

"**I am Metal Amy. By any chance, Gemini, is that blue in your fur?**" The mage pointed to the light blue streaks in his black fur, and nodded. "**Affirmative. Initiating Amy Rose Personality sequence**." Metal Amy's eyes turned from acid green to bright red hearts.

"Oh, fu-"

"**Omigawd, GEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMY!!!**" With a flash, the pair was sprawled out on the ground, Metal Amy embracing Gemini in a bone-crushing hug.

"Get off of me, spawn of infernal hell.

"**You are soooo cute when you say that**." Gemini's reply was something along the lines of, "I hope metal maggots devour you slowly and painfully." However, at that precise moment, Ciel walked in, having gotten lost on the way to the bathroom.

"Hi Gemini, have you…oh, whoa. Uhmma…wah…I'm sorry, I'll leave you two alone now." Blushing, Ciel quickly turned and ran away.

"No! Ciel, get back here and help me! This isn't what it looks like!"

"**I love you more than anything**!" Metal Amy crooned. "**I'll never leave you! We'll get married, have our Honey Moon, bear our children, and be together forever! MARRY ME!!!**"

"Can things get any worse?" On cue, an Omochao hopped in.

"Press the B button to jump!"

"Hell no…"

* * *

The Ultimate Lifeform had no luck in locating anything the mini-fridge reserved for Sonic, which was stuffed with chilidogs, gumballs, and Mountain Dew. Shadow snuck out a Dew, when suddenly, Ciel barged in.

"ShadowshadowshadowshadowshadowSHADOW!!!" The little brother cried. His red-streaked brother regarded him over his fizzy green soda. Ciel's face was bright red, and he looked like he was about to have a nosebleed.

"What now?"

"Well, I was walking to the bathroom, and I saw Gemini, so I walked over, and I saw him with Amy."

"So?"

"They were on the ground on top of each other."

"She probably mistook him for Sonic.

"...Remember in those R-movies you sometimes watch, where the couple in bed make really strange noises, and the camera looks away? Gemini was screaming, and Amy was…" At this, Mountain Dew was spewed out of Shadow's mouth as he yelled in horror.

"EWWECH! Sick! I mean, this is Amy we're talking about. Doing that-with her-is like, I dunno, doing that with someone like…oh, I don't know…heck, how old is she? Thirteen?" Shadow continued his ranting yell, and Ciel ran over to the trash can to hurl.

"What's going on in here?" Tails asked, storming in. "I told you to make yourselves comfortable, not scream your head off."

"Well, Gemini seems to have gotten a little too comfortable with Amy, from what I hear," Shadow growled. Tail's eyes widened.

"Amy isn't here…that means…oh, crap." The fox groaned. "I forgot to close the Junk Hall…that's Metal Amy."

"You made a Metal Amy?"

"sigh Yes, I made a Metal Amy. It was supposed to be a distraction to stop Metal Sonic, but…Metal Amy's a little too aggressive, if you get my drift." The two black hedgies in the room exchanged glances. In fact, at that same moment, the third hedgehog ran into the room, screeching bloody murder. Right behind him was his robotic "lover," who was chasing him with a large meat cleaver in hand.

"…Why does she have a meat cleaver?"

"I thought it was cooler than a mallet. And like I said: She's more aggressive." A good five minutes were spent watching Metal Amy and Gemini run around the room. Sometimes, the Amy look-a-like would grab a hold of the blue-striped mage, who would then have to weasel out of its grip and run again.

"Shouldn't we try to stop them?" Ciel asked. "Someone could get hurt with that meat cleaver."

"I kind of lost the remote with the off switch. Besides, do YOU want to go stop her?" Tails asked.

"Not really."

"Exactly." A few more minutes passed.

"Dammit, some help you all are!" Gemini screamed as he passed them. "Next time you get stalked by fangirls Shadow, I ain't helping!" At this, Shadow finally decided to help, for rabid fangirls were indeed the greater evil here. Mr. Gunny was quickly whipped out of the Ultimate Weapon's quills, and was aimed at the robot's head.

"Alright Gemini, when I give the word, duck."

"Ducks? What do water fowl have to do with any-"

"DUCK!!!" At the mention of the bird, a rapid round of bullets found their way into Metal Amy's skull, exploding her head. The metal body collapsed to the floor, and the meat cleaver was accidentally flung into the neck of a rather unfortunate giraffe. As for the rest of the head, bits of metal landed on Gemini's jacket.

"Oh…that duck. Hey, I have robot brains on me…" He blinked. "Sweet."

"Now that THAT'S settled," Tails declared, "How about we stay out of the junk hall, okay?"

"Sounds good," Shadow replied. The other two brothers nodded.

"**But I'm not dead yet!**" Everyone in the room looked over at Metal Amy's body.

"Uhmm, Miss Metal Amy, your head just got blown off," Ciel explained. "Doesn't that mean you're dead?"

"**I can still hold my love…come to me Gemmy! Save me!**" With a disgusted look, the hedge-mage brushed the metal off his jacket, and walked over to Shadow.

"Please shoot it."

"With pleasure." Shadow aimed his gun again, when Omochao came back in.

"Press the A button to shoot your gun! Don't forget, you have limited ammunition!" Everyone stared.

"Can I shoot him too?"

"Go right ahead." BAAAANG!!!

* * *

**Well, not exactly what I planned, but I did it! This was based off of an episode of the old Saturday Morning Sonic show they used to have. You know, the one with Sally and the Freedom Fighters in it? There was a mini-episode where Antoine the Coyote accidentally activated this robot called Ro-becca, who totally obsessed over him. It was hilarious…but yeah, that's the inspiration. Any way, see you all next time!**


	18. Why We Do Not Let Shadow Sing

**I'm late, I know. It's kind of hard lately: Homework's getting harder, I'm busier on weekends, and I'm juggling two separate stories. I know I've done two at a time in the past, but that was during the summer, and I wasn't as good of a writer. And, wouldn't you know it; writer's block is plaguing me like flies. Damn block. **

**Alright, I'll stop rambling on. I know you all don't want to hear it. Hehe. X3 Sega owns Shadow and all those guys, I own Ciel and Gemini, and all songs in here are not mine. Also, mucho thanks to both ****Toni the Fluffy**** and ****Sakura Courage Solo**** for idea inspiration. Now, onward ho!

* * *

**

The next morning arrived eventually, after Metal Amy was tossed back into the Junk Hall, which was locked up again behind the wall behind the TV etc. Unfortunately for Shadow that night, there was only one guest bed, so he, Gemini, and Ciel had to share the bed. One of them would have gladly slept on the couch, but that had been invaded by Omochao and its freak ability to withstand almost any assault. How else do you suppose they could survive being tossed off cliffs and space stations, only to return a few seconds later? Indeed, Hell would have been better than the Omochao couch.

For Shadow, the night was horrible. Half the night, he was being kept awake by the sound of Tails snoring a few rooms over, and Ciel's claws digging into his back (he was dreaming it was a pillow he was clawing. A very furry pillow). Also, when Gemini wasn't muttering some incoherent spell in his sleep that resulted in some bodily harm to Shadow, the mage drooled a bit right next to the red-streaked hedgehog's foot. To top it all off, it was a rather cold night, and Shadow could not get up and shut off the window because of Ciel clawing him down if he tried to move. Oh, and the blankets had been tossed to the floor by a magic whirlwind. Sound good?

When morning finally came, the Ultimate Lifeform was exhausted. Two and a half hours of sleep had been his reward, and he was less than satisfied. A loud yawn signified that Gemini had just woken up.

"Morning Shadow. How'd you sleep?" Shadow opened his mouth to reply (a.k.a. scream at him), when all that came out was a really quiet whisper. He tried again, and again, with no results. Gemini eyed him after putting his shades back on.

"Are you alright over there? You don't sound so good." Glaring ensued. "Fine, you don't sound like anything at all. Better?" A nod, and then another yawn that sounded from Ciel.

"What's all the ruckus?" He asked groggily, "And why is there black fur in my nails? Hey, I think there's some red in this one…" Shadow glared at him too, and then pointed at his mouth. "Uh, you're hungry?" Ciel guessed. Shadow shook his head.

"Toothache?" Gemini suggested. Another shake.

"Cat got your tongue?" Ciel asked. Gemini snickered at this, until he was whapped upside the head by the Ultimate Morning Grouch.

_"I…lost…my…voice…" _Shadow managed to croak out. There was a brief exchange of glances.

"Hmm…" The hedge-mage mused on this a minute. "I think our brother here's gotten Laryngitis. It's a kind of illness where you lose your voice for a few days. No big deal, really. You're just temporarily mute." Ciel gasped.

"But everyone was going to get together for Karaoke Night at Club Rouge, remember? How can Shadow sing if he doesn't have a voice?" If he had been able to, Shadow would have groaned.

With no alternative, the trio decided to see if Tails happened to have something to help. Luckily enough, he did.

"I call it the Song Synchro," The genius kitsune explained. "It takes the user's regular voice, and tunes it perfectly to any song, so it sounds like you're singing it!" He handed Shadow a microphone. The machine was a bright and shiny yellow, the words _Sound Synchro _printed on the side. In his remaining hand, Tails held another machine.

"What's that one do?" Ciel asked.

"The Synchro Remote," Was the reply. "You put songs in it like an MP3 player, and you choose from the list to sing. Of course, it'd be too suspicious if Shadow held this while he was singing, so I suppose one of you will have to hold it." Gemini grabbed the remote, carefully placing it in his jacket pocket.

"Sounds easy. Ready to sing brother?" Shadow nodded, pulling out some paper and a pencil. He was not about to embarrass himself with impossible-to-understand charades, so he just wrote things down instead.

"What if it runs out of power while I'm singing?" Tails thought a moment.

"It should be charged. Don't worry; there are no problems with it. Trust me!" Of course, a magic little sentence like that is bound to ruin everything, isn't it?

* * *

Club Rouge was cleared out that night just so the gang of heroes (and anti-heroes) could hang out and karaoke. Shadow was currently backstage with Sonic, who couldn't get over the fact that Shadow lost his voice.

"I mean, seriously," The Blue Blur managed to say as he laughed. "The big bad Ultimate Lifeform has no bark to his bite! I could say anything, and you couldn't say a thing about it, eh Shad-O?" Shadow grabbed his notepad again.

"Don't call me Shad-O, faker. And if you try anything stupid while I'm like this, I shall tell everyone about your Sailor Moon obsession." Sonic gasped.

"I can't believe it!"

"Believe it, Sonic."

"No, not that. Look at Gemini!" You see, the reason they had been backstage in the first place was that they were waiting for Gemini to hurry up and get his "Stage Outfit" on. Unfortunately, this also happened to be his FFX-2 Paine Cos-play outfit. Snug black outfit decked with metal designs, which was originally a girl's outfit.

"Alright, I'm ready for my solo," The cross-dressing hedgie declared. "You ready bro?" Sonic burst out once again into a laughing fit, while Shadow stared dumbfounded.

"You are singing in THAT?"

"Well, I couldn't get a hold of any of the songstress outfits, so I had to settle with this. I think it makes for a good alternative-rocker outfit, no?"

"No. Are you high?"

"…I had some Mountain Dew, but I'm fine other than that. Honest." Gemini handled the Synchro Remote in his hands. "Well, you're up next, so I'll nearby with this little baby. Go get 'em tiger!"

"Mute…tiger…Bwahahaha!" Sonic cried, rolling on the floor. "This…is gonna be priceless!" As the Blue Blur's laughter echoed through the room, Shadow got up onto the stage. Rouge nodded.

"And here is our next contender, Shadow!" She announced. "So, what are you singing Shadow?" He gave her a wink in reply, and then looked over at Gemini. The remote and mike quickly turned on, and then the Ultimate Lifeform began to sing…

"_Whoo! Oh yeah! Rollin' around at the speed of sound! _

_Got places to go, gotta' follow my rainbow!_

_Can't stick around, halfta' keep moving on_

_Guess what lies ahead, only one way to find out!"_ In horror at what he was singing, Shadow looked over at Gemini to change the song, only to find his brother wasn't there. Sonic was, however, and wasn't being quiet about it.

"Shad's singing one of my songs!" He howled with glee. "I knew you'd see it my way buddy!"

"…_Must keep on moving ahead_

_No time for guesses, follow my plan instead_

_Trusting in what you can't see_

_Change my way, and I'll set you free!_

_Follow me, set me free_

_Trust me, and we will escape from the city_

_I'll make it through, follow me_

_I'll make it through from me to you! Follow me!"_

"My gosh, this is awesome!" Amy squealed. "Even Shadow likes this song! SING LOUDER!!!" A few windows shattered, while the black and red hedgehog looked around desperately for his brother. Well, he saw Ciel in the crowd, which wasn't much help.

"_Danger is lurking around every turn_

_Trust your feelings, got to live and learn!_

_I know with some luck that I'll make it through_

_Got no other options, only one thing to do!_

_I don't care what lies ahead!_

_No time for guessing, follow my plan instead_

_My life ain't straight, no matter what that may be-"_ Bzzt! Much to Shadow's relief, the song finally changed. Singing like Sonic was just too much (especially that last line…think about it…).

"_I don't need a gun!"_ Oh god, even worse! Shadow quickly waved his arms in fury, trying to get some attention. Bzzt! _"Don't kill the WHAAAAALE! Dig it, dig it!" _Bzzt!

"Aw man, I liked that last song," Ciel muttered. Rouge raised an eyebrow.

"What are you, some Greenpeace activist?" Ciel's eyes widened.

"I'm turning…GREEN? Aaaaaahhhh!" The winged hedgehog then ducked into the nearest bathroom to get the imaginary green out. Rouge sighed.

"Those boys…I wonder what's up with Shadow's song?" The Ultimate Lifeform was currently and frantically in the middle of ravaging Moonage Daydream, which was a most…interesting song (because he's an alligator, he's a mama-papa calling for you…X3). As Rouge wondered this, Gemini walked up to her.

"Hey Rouge, got a minute?" It took her a minute to recognize him since he was cross-dressing.

"What the…oh, Gemini…nice outfit."

"Listen; do you know how to get this thing off of shuffle mode?" The bat was handed the Synchro Remote.

"What is this thing?"

"…You see, Shadow got Laryngitis this morning, so Tails gave us this machine so he could sing for tonight. Unfortunately…the song list is on shuffle, which is why he's switching through these songs." There was a moment of silence before Rouge burst out into a hysterical fit of giggles.

"That silly little hedgie…here, give me that." The thief fiddled with it for a minute. "How about this song? It sounds like you guys." The song was…We're a Happy Family by the Ramones. Don't know it, well, here it is.

_"We're a happy family! We're a happy family!_

_We're a happy family, me, Mom, and Dad!_

_We're a happy family! We're a happy family!_

_We're a happy family, me, Mom, and Dad!_

_Sitting here in Queens, eating refried beans_

_Reading all the magazines, gulping down thorozines_

_We ain't got no friends, our troubles never end_

_No Christmas cards to send, Daddy likes men."_ At this point, everyone started laughing. Well, except for Vanilla (who was appalled), Omega (who couldn't laugh), and Tikal (who had no idea what the heck they were singing about). Seeing Shadow's estranged attempts to clamp his mouth to stop the singing, Gemini decided to help for once.

"Alright, I better help. Come on Ciel!" The cross-dressing mage grabbed his brother from the bathroom, running to the stage.

"But I have green in my fur!"

"Too bad, we're singing!" Getting on stage, Gemini whipped the mike out of Shadow's hands in time to save his brother from singing the second verse.

_"Daddy's telling lies, baby's eating flies_

_Mommy's on pills, baby's got the chills_

_I'm friends with the president, I'm friends with the pope_

_We're all making fortunes selling daddy's dope_

_Sitting here in Queens, eating refried beans_

_Reading all the magazines, gulping down thorozines_

_We ain't got no friends, our troubles never end_

_No Christmas cards to send, Daddy likes men" _At this point, Vanilla grabbed Cream and walked out, reminding herself to never have Shadow sing at a karaoke party. Tikal and Omega looked confused, and everyone else was hooting and hollering with laughter. After a quick end verse (which Ciel was forced to sing), the trio managed to get offstage before Shadow burst into song again.

"No offense, but that was pretty damn funny," Gemini said. "Why didn't you just turn it off Shadow?"

"There was no off switch!" Shadow wrote, pointing at the Sound Synchro to prove his point. "You weren't much help either."

"What could I say, it was on permanent shuffle!" Shadow sighed.

"And Ciel?" The mute hedgehog looked around. "Say, where **is** Ciel?" The duo looked around, when a loud shriek rang through the club, breaking some windows.

"…I'd say he's singing now…" There was an exchange of glances. "Should we make a run for it?"

"Sounds good." As Shadow and Gemini left the building via the fire escape (because it's stealthy. Honestly), they had forgotten the Sound Synchro on the floor…right next to a blue laughingstock.

"My god, that was so hilarious...haha…dude, I can't breathe. Haha…hey, what's this?" Shrugging, Sonic managed to pick it up. "Some kinds' micro…" He suddenly ran onstage, bursting into song (and thankfully stopping Ciel from breaking any more windows).

"_ALL HAIL SHADOW! HEROES RISE AGAIN! OBLITERATING EVERYTHING THAT'S NOT YOUR FRIEND!"_ Sadly enough, Shadow missed hearing the faker sing his praises…but you won't tell him that, right?

* * *

**Yeah, I did it! Haha…and don't worry, I'm not crazy. I purposefully picked those songs, so some of them are weird because…it's a humor story. I'M NOT CRAZY ZEKKY!!! Oh yeah, he's not in here yet…teehee. Well, see you all next time!**


	19. I See Dead People!

**I just realized how to solve all of mankind's problems. Hunger, poverty, war, everything. You know how? It's quite simple, really.**

**…**

**…**

**WE KILL EVERYBODY!!! YAAAAAY!!!**

* * *

The disastrous Karaoke night had only occurred a few days ago, Shadow remembered. He had only gotten his voice back the next morning, and Sonic still hadn't shut up about the whole ordeal. As of right now, he was currently bombarding the black hedgehog brothers, for Tails was out at the moment.

"Are you sure you aren't emo?" Sonic asked, leaning over the couch that the tri was sitting on. "I mean, you all seem somewhat emo to me. Except Ciel, he seems mental."

"If you mean mentally smart by that, then thanks!" Ciel cheered.

"I told you Faker," Shadow hissed, "I do not slit my wrists, and neither do my brothers. Right guys?"

"Right!" Ciel cheered again.

"I only slit myself if my magic requires it, and only then on the palm of my hand, not my wrists," Gemini replied monotonously, not paying attention to the others as he played some more Final Fantasy on one of Tail's self-made gaming systems. The others eyed him.

"You aren't a magician, you're a witch," Sonic explained. "If you were a magician, you'd do all kinds of cool magic with lots of lights and stuff, and you'd wear a big floppy hat. Like that guy!" Sonic pointed to a Black Mage on the screen.

"I am too a magician," Gemini growled. "You just don't know talent when you see it." Shadow sighed; for once, Sonic and Gemini were arguing. It seemed the Blue Blur could annoy just about anyone, couldn't he?

"Well," The blue hedgehog said, "If you were a magician, you could do cool stuff like resurrecting dead people." Gemini set down the controller, and pulled Ciel over by the collar of his shirt.

"I resurrected Ciel from the dead, didn't I?"

"Well, I didn't see it. I mean, for all I know, there could be an alien in there or something. Besides, where's the rotting flesh? All people who come from the dead have rotting flesh! Haven't you ever played Resident Evil?"

"Dude, I beat Resident Evil in one day." Now fired up, Gemini began to march towards the door. "You want dead people with rotting flesh? You want to see my magic at work? Then get your spiny arse over here, because I am going to raise hell! Come on Ciel, we got work to do. Oh, you too Shadow." Ciel followed quickly, while Shadow mumbled some incoherent curse. Something bad was going to happen…

* * *

The Shiny Lights Cemetery was, oddly enough, one of the most morbid, darkest places nearby. Everything was covered in moss, mold, more moss, and a vast variety of bugs that only a collector could love. At the moment, the ground was covered in an array of chalk, making a runic circle in the center of the graveyard. Gemini, dead set on proving his magic worth, stood in the middle, checking things over. In one hand was a knife, and in the other was a small cross.

"Better keep a damn close eye on this one Sonic," The mage barked. Sonic nodded absentmindedly, staring at a maggot that crawled atop his shoe. Shadow held tightly to his gun, as well as a miscellaneous chainsaw he found. A sticker on it shown it was from Texas, and oddly enough, there were stains of red on the metal.

"Graveyards scare me," Ciel whimpered. "They have so many dead people, and…maggots. Maggots that crawl out of the earth and eat your…eek!" The winged hedgehog shrieked in terror as Sonic held one of the white buggers in his face.

"But maggots are cool!" The blue blur decreed. "See this maggot? This is my newest buddy. Her name is…Melinda." Staring initiated.

"Sonic," Shadow said, "You're naming a maggot."

"Yep!"

"A Maggot."

"Uh huh!" Shadow stood, staring stupefied.

"…Do you know how weird that is?"

"Nope, I-"

"Shut up you two!" Gemini yelled. "I need you all to be quiet so I don't screw this up! Not that I would anyway, but still. Shut. UP!" An eerie silence passed between the quartet. Nodding, the mage closed his eyes, and began to chant. **(AN: This is a translation of what he says; he's actually saying this in magic language.)**

_"Lost souls of earth, bodies lain to waste_

_Rise up from your confinement_

_To serve he who breathes life upon your wounds" _At this point, he brought the dagger across the palm of his hand, letting the fresh blood drip onto the wooden cross. Then, with a second slash, he split the relic into two pieces.

_"As I break the holy seal that binds you to death_

_Return to a temporary life, I call_

_In chances you may be flesh once more."_ The circle briefly glowed a dark purple, the cross falling to the ground with a thud. At that instant, a hand shot out of the earth. This was followed by the emergence of hand, feet, heads, and other body parts too numerous to mention as the zombie horde emerged from the grave.

"Omigawd," Sonic screeched. "Look Melinda, dead people!" Looking at his hand, the blue hedgehog realized he had held the maggot a little too hard, and now her guts were spilling over his thumb. Poor maggot.

"Wow, you actually did something for once Gemmy," Shadow exclaimed, actually surprised. "I'm proud of you bro. Now, when do you send them back?" Gemini, who had been looking rather pleased with his work, raised an eyebrow.

"Send them back?"

"Well, you weren't thinking of keeping them here forever, were you?" The blue-striped hedgehog mused on this a minute.

"I guess I was so caught up with being arrogant about my magic that I didn't think about what I'd do after I resurrected the zombies…my bad." Behind them, some of the zombies began to creep and crawl across the ground, closer…closer…

"Can't you send them back with your magic?" There was a brief bit of hope, which was soon washed away.

"About that…I haven't performed a magic renewal ritual in awhile, since I used what I had left to bring these guys, I'm out."

"Can't you command them?"

"Not enough power."

"Turn them into something? Warp them away?"

"…no…" The smell of rotting flesh hung in the air as the zombies came closer. Shadow examined the situation: Hordes of dead people crawling towards him. One magic-drained magician brother, one pacifist brother, and a stupid blue "hero" that was now crying over the death of a maggot he knew approximately three minutes. One machine gun and one bloody chainsaw from Texas.

Awesome.

With speed only the Ultimate Weapon could manage, Shadow whipped the gun out of his quills, gripping it like his life depended on it (which it kinda' did). He cast a glance at his siblings.

"One of you grab the chainsaw, and start hacking," He ordered. "Get going!" The next bit was like something out of a movie. Hordes of scary dead people rose from the grave, only being destroyed by Shadow as he bravely rushed past with his weapon. Bullets flew in all directions, removing heads, arms, and pretty much every single body part imaginable. Not like it stopped them, mind you; the mutilated pieces inched their way across the ground, maybe in hopes of grabbing a leg or biting his ankles.

"Looks like he's having fun," Gemini muttered. There was no reply, save for Sonic's incessant whining. That meant Ciel was gone…and where was the chainsaw? The mage looked around, not seeing his little brother anywhere…just zombies, Shadow shooting zombies, shot up zombies following Shadow, and some freak chopping up more zombies into itty bitty pieces…oh, that last one was Ciel, wasn't it?

"Ciel, what the hell are you doing with that?" The hyper hedgie turned over to his sibling.

"…Actually, I don't know," Ciel admitted. "I got bored. Y'know, chopping things up is fun…wonder what it would do to real people…" An unnaturally sadistic grin crept over the winged hedgehog's face. Gemini sighed; Ciel only got like this when he was hungry…or after being forced to watch one of those Freddy vs. Jason flicks. Probably the first one.

Back to Shadow: The red streaked deadman-hacker was firing bullets left and right (as well as up, down, diagonal, forward, backwards…) at the horde of fleshy dead folk.

"This is a piece of cake!" He cried triumphantly. "Just hacking, and shooting, and killing! It's like Shadow the Hedgehog all over again!" Almost on cue, something caught his eye. It was a zombie girl that looked familiar…

"Blond hair…blue eyes…blue dress…teenage…" This meant only one thing: Flashback time! "**MAAAAAAARRRIIIIIIAAAAA!!!!!!!**" Acting on an OOC note, Shadow hurled himself at "Maria" with a full force glomp, not realizing it was just another dead girl. Thankfully, Shadow didn't seem to mind much, even when one of her eyes rolled out of her head and onto his quills.

"Maria…"

"Gugghuh. Braaaaaains."

"I love you Maria."

"Braaaaaaains…" Suddenly, Shadow's eyes widened.

"Hold on a minute…" The hedgehog's face turned into a scowl, fury and rage in his eyes. Something was not right! With inhuman speed, Shadow quickly and fiercely…retied the ribbon on her shirt.

"That's better, isn't it Maria?"

"Spleeeeen…braaaaains…"

* * *

About half an hour passed. Shadow obliviously huggled a zombie, Ciel hacked dead people on an empty stomach, Sonic cried over his maggot, and Gemini…was getting extremely fed up.

"I'm not doing anything!" The mage yelled. "I resurrect the dead, and now I have nothing to do? Man, this sucks big-time." No response. "That's fine, ignore me! You idiots…" In his anger of not doing anything, he kicked the nearest object as hard as he could, which happened to be Sonic. Sonic went flying, landing on Ciel, which caused the Texan Chainsaw to fly out of his hands and chop the zombie girl's head off. Shadow screamed, and completely forgetting his Maria-craze, shot at the first thing in sight. A tree caught fire, the flames spread, Sonic found a new maggot, and soon the Shiny Lights Cemetery lit up the sky with bright flames, finally being shiny.

"Alright!" Gemini screeched. "Go me, go me! Ha, told you I could do something!" A flaming branch almost caught his tail on fire. "Oh yeah…maybe I should go now." Three black hedgehogs (and one blue one) ran out of the burning graveyard faster than a jackrabbit on a hot skittle. (Yes, that was intended to be clichéd).

"Well, that was kind of…fun," Shadow admitted, brushing a hand and eyeball off his quills. "For once, I'm not mad at your magic."

"I am!" Sonic exclaimed. "It killed Melinda, and I still didn't see anything!" Everyone stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Sonic, didn't you pay attention to the DEAD PEOPLE?!?"

"It could have been staged," Sonic noted. "For that matter, it all could have been staged…and Melinda could be alive! HOLD ON BABY, I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" With that, Sonic ran off yet again.

"Let's never speak of this again, agreed?" Shadow asked.

"Agreed."

"I'm hungry…"

* * *

**At least I did it. Don't worry; in a few weeks, I'll be off of school, and I'll have more time to submit stuff. Oh, and I'm thinking of posting my deviantArt story here…we'll see about that soon. Well, catch ya' later!**


	20. Truth, Dare, N00bs, and Underwear

**Dang, I haven't updated in two whole weeks. I suck. Anyway, this chapter was mainly inspired by Stryfe the Hedgehog (who will hopefully be on here soon). Guess what it is? A Truth-or-Dare (mainly dare) Chapter!**

* * *

It was a few days after the zombie incident. No one except the four hedgehogs present knew what exactly had happened at the cemetery, but things were better that way. At the moment, Shadow was waiting. Rouge said she was coming over with the rest of the gang for some kind of game…Truth or Dare, was it? Oh well, couldn't be that bad, Shadow decided. Just a game, after all. The only problem with those was when someone (coughGeminicough) played them for hours straight without paying attention to anything else, and promptly fell asleep on the couch. Which, of course, would most likely happen in three more hours.

"And here we are!" Completely unannounced, Sonic entered the living room, followed by Amy, Rouge, Knuckles, Blaze, Tikal, and a magenta mink girl.

"I see you brought the whole gang," Shadow noted.

"Not everyone Shad," Sonic replied. "Tails, Cream, Omega, and those guys aren't playing. By the way, this is Verity." Verity, who was the mink, waved at them. Shadow nodded.

"So it's the girls, you, me, and Knuckles?"

"Well, Ciel and Gemini are supposed to play with us…" Everyone turned to the last two members.

"I'll play," Ciel decided, "but I don't think Gemini's too willing." The mage was currently on the couch, practically upside down, furiously mashing the buttons on his controller. He was in the middle of fighting Sephiroth in Kingdom Hearts II, you know. It didn't look like he would stop soon…until Amy and Verity walked over to the Playstation.

"You're playing with us too Gemmy," Amy declared.

"Or the game goes off right now," Verity finished, hands on the wires. Gemini's eyes widened in horror.

"You wouldn't dare," he snarled. "Forcing me from one of the hardest bosses in the game to do some stupid little thing with a bunch of girls and Knuckles? What's the big deal?"

"If you play, then we'll have an even amount of guys and girls," Amy replied. "Besides, there's more people to…uhmm…play with." Behind her, Sonic coughed into his arm like this: coughtorturecough. After a bit, the gang was seated in a circle as Rouge explained how the game worked.

"It's called Truth or Dare," She explained, "But we're just going to do dares; Truth isn't really fun, y'know? Anyway, whoever is it picks a person, and dares them to do something. Once they've completed the dare, they pick the next person to dare. Understand?" Everyone nodded. "Good, then I'll go first." The thief looked around the circle, an evil smirk on her face. "Oh Knuckie?"

"What'd you want Batgirl?" Knuckles asked.

"Simple: I dare you to French-kiss someone of the opposite gender." Knuckles blinked.

"You could have just said 'kiss a girl' or something." At this point, Rouge looked over at Gemini and winked. Catching the hint, the mage muttered something…turning Knuckles into a girl.

"HOLY CARP!!!" The echidna screeched in terror. It was lucky that he was wearing a shirt, or else his new-found chest would be fully exposed. Most of the girls stared with twitching eyes, Gemini laughed hysterically, Ciel was confused, Verity and Shadow were silent, and Sonic had a sudden nosebleed, running out of the room.

"Happy now Knuckie?" Rouge asked. "Just kiss someone who's a boy, since you're a girl, and you'll go back to normal." Red faced, the guy-turned-girl gazed about the room. Gemini was the last person on Earth he would kiss, Shadow was a definite no, and Sonic was out of the room. That only left Ciel.

Taking a deep breath, and reminding himself that it wasn't bad since he was a girl at the moment, Knuckles grabbed Ciel by the quills, and planted a kiss on his lips. Now, if the author were a shonen ai fan, this would be made romantic. Personally, she doesn't really care either way, but the idea of a Knuxiel pairing creeps her out, so it won't.

"Yeowch!" The red warrior yelped, backing away. "He BIT me! He freaking bit my tongue!" Everyone stared at the winged hedgehog.

"Your blood tastes funny," Ciel said obliviously, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "Are you anemic? Because if you aren't, then I think you fried my tastebuds." After everyone stopped laughing at that (or staring, in certain peep's cases), Knuckles was turned into a man again (that's right, he's a MAN!), fully red in the face.

"That's it, I'm daring you back vamp!" Knuckles yelled at Ciel, enraged at his sore tongue. "I dare you…hmm…" The warrior thought a minute, until a light bulb turned on over his head. Idea time!

"Listen," Knux explained. "There's this girl I know named Tamara; she's one of Blaze's pals that recently moved into town. I'll tell you where she lives, and you…have to steal a pair of her underwear!" Everyone's jaw dropped. **(AN: You can thank Stryfe for that one)**

"Un…der…wear?" Ciel asked. "That stuff's uncomfortable. Why do you want a pair of underwear? Couldn't you just take Blaze's?"

"I could, but…" The echidna was set on fire by the tail by the aforementioned cat, sending him running without an answer. Ciel shrugged; it was just underwear.

"Okay, sounds good. Oh, and I'll do my dare before I go…Amy, you have to kiss someone other than Sonic. Bye guys!" With that said, the hyper hedgie skipped away. Meanwhile, since she wasn't able to make out with Sonic, Amy pulled out a plushie of the Blue Blur instead, and started smooching that.

"Shad, Ames is scaring me," Sonic whined, having returned with paper stuffed up his nose to stop the nosebleed.

"It's Shadow, not Shad." The Ultimate Lifeform groaned. He turned to Amy, who was giving a full-on French to the plushie. "Kissing a plushie doesn't count."

"Aww, it doesn't?" The fangirl whined. She tossed the poor doll behind her, and pulled out some blue paint. Every male hedgehog in the room backed away.

"No Amy, don't you dare!" We'll hold you in suspense for now.

* * *

Like a spy, Ciel snuck easily into the bedroom. With the efficiency of a man on a mission, he pulled out every single drawer. After a minute, he found a nice piece of underwear: red with lots of lacing. Ciel liked lace. Having completed half of the dare, the winged hedgehog turned around…

…Coming face-to-face with a catgirl. Her fur was deep violet, eyes bright blue, and dressed in leather clothing.

"Who the hell are you, and why do you have my underwear?" She snarled. Ciel supposed this was Tamara.

"Hi, my name's Ciel!" He greeted happily. "I was playing Truth or Dare with my friends, and one of them, Knuckles, dared me to grab some of your undies, so I-" He was interrupted by the sound of guns loading.

"Five seconds, perv." Tamara suddenly pulled out a pair of giant gatling guns, one in each hand. She fired with extreme speed and accuracy, chasing Ciel out of the room, out of the house, and all the way back to Tail's lab in Mystic Ruins, where the others were. Luckily for him, Tamara stopped after running out of bullets, and getting held up by the police for accidentally shooting Eslie the Cow in the head. Again. Eslie recently got back out of the ER, by the way, and wishes that you all go to Cyberland for some Diet Coke with her sometime. But enough of her, let's get back to Ciel.

"I made it!" He hollered triumphantly, bursting into the room. He was greeted by Shadow, who was covered from head to toe in blue paint and kisses.

"You got the underwear?" Shadow asked. Ciel nodded, holding it up for all to see. Sadly, a lot of bullets that hadn't gotten stuck in Ciel had passed through the lacey garments, and they fell apart into itty bitty bits onto the floor.

"Don't worry…it still counts," Shadow muttered. "In case you're wondering what happened to me…well, since Amy couldn't kiss Sonic, she decided that if I was colored blue, it'd be close enough. Now it's her turn."

"Yay, I didn't miss it!" Ciel exclaimed happily, sitting down next to the others. "So Amy, who are you daring?"

"Hmm…Shadow!" Amy decided. "Since I was forced to kiss you, I'll dare you!"

"You weren't forced to do nothing!" Shadow pointed out. "You could have covered Gemini or Knuckles in blue paint, but no, you chose me!"

"Details details," The pink fangirl scoffed, thinking for a minute. "I know what we'll do with you! Come with me…" Amy dragged Shadow out of the house, and back into the city. She quickly commandeered a lemonade stand, posted a new sign, and sat Shadow down at it.

"I'm selling lemonade?" Shadow asked. Amy shook her head, snickering.

"Read the sign, silly." The Ultimate Lifeform did so, and his eyes widened in terror. Written boldly on the sign in pink was written Shadow the Hedgehog: Free Glomping Session! At that point, the evil pink hedgehog pulled out a megaphone.

"Lol, cll1ng all n00bish fngrls," Amy screeched at the top of her lungs. "Shadow the Hedgehog iz here! Omglol!!!1!!1!!11!" Immediately, a horde of chat-speaking fangirls swarmed the stand, glomping the black hedgehog.

"Your dare is to not run away," Amy explained. "Until every fangirl glomps you, you will stay right here. Understand Shadow?" His answer was muffled by the hordes of squealing youth.

"Omg, h3's s0 s0ft," One exclaimed. "I luv u Shadow! Mrry m3!"

"N0, mrry m3!" Another ordered.

"Lmao! Shadow!!!11!!1!!"

"NOOOOOOO!!!!" On impulse, Shadow pulled out his machine gun.

"No using that either!" Amy screeched as she walked away. The black hedgehog slowly put his baby away before that was glomped too, and curled up into a classic hedgehog ball. If those fangirls wanted to glomp him, they'd have to get through his spikes first.

"Like, rofl, Shadow?" One of the noobish girls asked, "D0 u dy ur fur blck & r3d?" Said hedgehog rolled his eyes.

"As a matter of fact, no." The horde of girls, seemingly pacified momentarily by this, decided to ask more questions instead.

"W1ll u, like, fll in luv w/my OC in my f1cs?" Came the next question.

"Hell no! Is she as bad as you?"

"She ws cll3d a Mary Sue 0nce, but th0se w3r3 flam3rs. All she can do is wrp space, time, and do anything she pleasez."

"…Still no," Shadow growled. "Dare I ask if there are any more questions?"

"S0nad0w 4eva!" Shouted a few others, holding pics of Sonic and Shadow…in most…unbecoming positions. If his mouth hadn't been muffled at the moment, and his hands pinned down by the swarm of evil, he would have killed them right then and there with a Chaos Blast.

"Nu, Shadmy!"

"Shad0uge ftw!"

"Knuxad0w dood"

"Shadikal!"

"Sasusaku…wait, wrong genre. Sorry." One fangirl walked away, and the other n00bs continued their insane rants.

"Can this get any worse?" Shadow groaned.

"ShadOC!" Suddenly, all the fangirls (and boys) summoned their Mary Sue-ish OC's, which contributed with the Shadow glomping. For the rest of the time, the black hedgehog was quiet, wondering if any insane asylums were open for a bit.

"Hi Shad!" Looking over, Shadow saw Sonic in the pile.

"For once, I'm actually glad to see you Faker. Get me out of here!" Sonic blinked.

"Actaully, I'm with the fans. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" The Blue Blur smiled. Shadow screamed. Everything within a twenty foot radius was blown to bits.

"Much better." Shadow decided, brushing himself off. With nothing else to do, the Black Blur decided to go back to Tail's House to finish up the game. Little did he know what was in store for him…Next chapter!

* * *

**Well, that was amusing. I was originally going to have the whole Truth-or-Dare thing in, but I got a bit of writer's block for how it would turn out. Besides, I had fun writing the n00bs. Sorry if I bashed a pairing you liked, by the way. I like some of those pairings too…and the rest I just don't care. I'm lenient with pairings…**

**Anyway, we'll see what happens next chapter…once I right it. X3**


	21. Team Chaotix At Your Annoyance!

**Dancing Chapter 21! Oh yeah! Man, this is going great! Are you all having a nice summer so far? I hope so! Guess who appears in this chapter? The Chaotix, along with lots of dialouge! What horror will this bring? I dunno. You'll have to read to find out!**

* * *

Shadow was surprised to find, when he got to Tail's house, that no one was in the living room. Not a soul. Even the Playstation was left to sit at the TV, still paused. If the black hedgehog hadn't been so dang…well, Shadow-ish, a shiver would have gone down his spine. Thankfully, it didn't. Well, not until he noticed someone in the doorway. It was yellow and black, had wings, and wasn't Ciel. That's right folks, it was…

"HiShadowhowareyouIhaven'tseenyouinalongtimeohboyohboy!" For those of you who haven't guessed it, it was Charmy the Bee.

"Charmy, what the hell are you doing here?" The Ultimate Lifeform asked. "And answer slowly. In English too."

"WeeEEEeeeEEEll," The bee said, drawing out his word, "Vector and Espio came here to solve a mystery, so I came too!" Shadow blinked.

"Mystery?"

"Uh huh! They're holding an investigation with everyone right now! Come see, come see!" Unwillingly, Shadow was dragged by the hyperactive bee off to who-knows-where.

* * *

"I'll explain this to you one more time," The crocodile declared, shining a flashlight in his suspect's face (even though it was perfectly light out). "You are going to answer any question I ask you, okay?"

"…Sure." Vector eyed his suspect, who was the magenta mink, Verity. He nodded to himself; girls always spilled the beans easily. Just ask a few questions.

"First: Where were you on Friday the 27?" The gumshoe inquired.

"Doing a gig at Club Rouge."

"What kind of gig?"

"A rock concert." The mink looked around. "You know, since I'm not tied to a chair or anything, I could leave anytime."

"Just answer the questions!" Vector exclaimed. "Now, let me look at my list of questions…where were you on Tuesday the 5?"

"You already asked that." The croc blinked.

"I did? Okay…hmm…will you go out with me?"

"Hell no!" This was accompanied by a punch to the nose as the mink stormed off. As she threw the door open, Shadow and Charmy entered.

"You next!" Vector practically jumped in front of Shadow's face, shining the dreaded flashlight into his bloodshot eyes. "Where were you four days ago?"

"Vector, what the hell?"

"Just answer the question and you'll be free to go. Where were you four days ago?"

"…At Shiny Lights Cemetery, killing zombies with my brothers." The croc's eyes widened.

"Aha, a clue! Espio, jot this down in our handy dandy notebook!" Watching from the corner, the ninja chameleon rolled his eyes.

"I thought this was a detective story, not Blues Clues." Espio shrugged. "Mass Zombie Murder doesn't have anything to do with our case either."

"What is your damn case anyway?" Shadow shouted.

"We're investigating the kidnapping of your brother Gemini, and Sonic the Hedgehog. They mysteriously disappeared while you were fighting off hordes of fangirls last chapter."

"And you, Mr. Shadow Q. Hedgehog, are our prime suspect!" Vector finished.

"There's no Q in my name."

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!"

"…You didn't ask one yet."

"Oh yeah…" The gumshoe pulled out his list. "Ask about relation between suspect and missing persons? No, that's stupid. Questions about suspicions about suspect? No…aha!" Vector stared down the hedgehog menacingly. "Tell me Shadow…WHERE IS THE COMPUTER ROOM?" The black hedgehog gaped at him.

"That has to do with the case how?"

"I just remembered that I forgot to put Rocky Horror Picture Show back on my Netflix que," Vector explained professionally. With that, Shadow just walked out of the room and into the hallway. Maybe he could find someone with a brain to actually explain things.

"Oh hi Shadow!" The black hedgehog turned around, seeing a nervous looking Amy Rose.

"What's up?" He asked. "Nervous about those idiot detectives questioning you?"

"Wha? Am I next? I'm innocent, I swear!" She screeched in a sudden panic.

"Amy, it's alright." The black hedgehog blinked. "Say, why's Metal Amy behind you? I thought we killed her in Chapter 17." Indeed, the metal counterpart of Amy stood behind her.

"**I am not doing anything wrong!**" She yelped. "**I am innocent! I did not kidnap anyone! Initiating retreat! Aiiee!!!**" Both the metal and real Amy ran off, leaving Shadow alone again.

"Has everyone in this house gone insane?" He asked to no one in particular. Since he got no reply, he wandered off. Maybe he could find Tails or Ciel somewhere…

* * *

"Why exactly am I here again?" Ciel asked. Currently, he was tied to a chair with duct tape, and anything that wasn't taped was glued onto the wooden piece of furniture. In front of him was Charmy, holding the flashlight.

"I'm questioning you!" the bee exclaimed. "Vector went off to find the computer room, and Espio's meditating, so I get to ask you questions!"

"Oh, okay." The winged hedgehog shuffled about in his seat. "No offense, but there could be a little less glue on the seat. I'm not going to run away."

"Not with three pounds worth of glue on your rump you aren't!" Charmy explained. "After what happened with Verity and Shadow, Vector didn't want to take any chances. Even I can't escape that chair, and believe me, I've tried before, and…oh yeah, the questions! Da DA!" The six year old then pulled out a list of questions.

"Alrighty, first question," Charmy yelped with excitement. "Ooh, this questions came from a movie! I saw this one! Okay, have you ever killed anyone?"

"…Does that include the voice in my head?" Ciel asked nervously.

"You have a voice in your head? Cool! Sure, include him too!"

"Okay…then yes."

"Mutilation, whatever that is?"

"Uh huh."

"Sexual Assault and Rape? I don't even know what that is…"

"Neither do I! I'd have to ask him, but the voice in my head is asleep right now." Charmy nodded at this answer.

"Animal Abuse?"

"…I think he kicked a puppy once." Ciel replied. The bee gasped.

"You are so evil! Espio, write that in the handy dandy notebook! With pictures!" The ninja opened his eyes, sighing.

"He just admitted to murder and torture, and you're concerned about kicking a puppy?" Charmy nodded. "I swear, you and Vector must be the stupidest-"

"Can I please get unglued now?" The schizophrenic suspect begged. "This glue is really uncomfortable, and I'm hungry…"

"No, you puppy-kicker!" The bee yelled. "Come on Espio, we have to go tell Vector!" Charmy flew out of the room, Espio following suit. Ciel, alone, looked around the room.

"…This stinks," He muttered. "And I'm hungry too…"

* * *

Shadow soon learned that, upon the arrival of the Chaotix, Knuckles, Blaze, Tikal, Tails, and Rouge had all skedaddled out of the house. Why Amy and Metal Amy were still here was a mystery in and of itself, and Verity only stayed because a certain someone coughSoniccough owed her money for a guitar.

"I still don't know why those stupid detectives are here," the mink complained. "I mean, even n00bs are better than them."

"…I beg to differ," Shadow muttered, "but that's beside the point. Where could Faker and my brother have run off to?"

"They probably went running as soon as the Chaotix came near." The mink shrugged. "Either way, I'm blowing this joint. I can always get my money back later. Ciao hedge-boy." Verity walked out of the house, discreetly handing Shadow three concert tickets before she left. Before he could contemplate this, Amy and Metal Amy entered the room, the latter dragging Ciel (still glued to the chair) behind her.

"Hey girls, hey Ciel," Shadow said. "Found anything?"

"We know nothing about what happened!" Amy shrieked, hiding under a table.

"**I agree! Circuits contain no traces of Sonic or my Gemini's wherabouts.**" Metal Amy jumped under the table too.

"I'm hungry…" Ciel moaned, chewing on the edge of his shirt collar. The red-streaked sibling turned around, giving up on finding any intelligent lifeforms in the building, and opened the door to leave. Guess who was in the doorway?

"Hi Shad!" Sonic greeted happily. "Wazzup?" Shadow raised an eyebrow. Behind the Blue Blur was Gemini, who seemed to be munching on something.

"Where were you?" Shadow asked. "Everyone thought you went missing, and the Chaotix were sent here to figure out where you went."

"Oh, that's easy!" Sonic exclaimed. "We went to Wal-Mart!"

"…Wal-Mart?"

"We ran out of chips," Gemini explained, "So Sonic and I ran off to grab some before the girls decided to follow us." To prove this point, the mage pulled out a bag of Doritos, waving the bag in front of his brother's face before grabbing a few more chips out of the bag. Shadow nodded.

"That solves everything…except why Amy and her copy are acting so jittery.

"I have an inexplicable fear of anything related to Blues Clues," Amy explained from her sanctuary under the table. "That handy dandy notebook brought back so many bad memories…blue…doggy…STEVE!" The pink hedgehog curled up into a little ball.

"**…Since I come from Amy's DNA, I share the same fear,**" Metal Amy added before curling up alongside the original in the fetal position.

"Well, that solves every-" At that instant, Vector burst into the room, Charmy and Espio behind him.

"We figured it out!" The head gumshoe declared triumphantly. "Sonic and Gemini were kidnapped by rock-gigging, puppy-kicking zombies! They are currently locked inside of the computer room!" There was an awkward silence.

"Not to burst your bubble, but we're right here," Gemini said. Vector gasped.

"Another witness!" He exclaimed. "Quick, the flashlight!" With the trusty light in his hand, the reptile stood in the mage's face. "So Gemini, do you know anything about your captors or whereabouts?"

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Now, is that your captor, or is What-I-Just-Said a new city…?"

* * *

Shadow stood outside Tail's house a few hours later, carrying his bright purple suitcase. He had decided that he was not going to stay another minute. Either he was going to fix the apartment, or he'd just bunk with someone else. That was final.

"Shadow, wait for us!" Behind him, Ciel and Gemini ran out with their own luggage.

"We had to say goodbye to Tails," Gemini explained, "and Ciel had to get a pair of pants on before the Chaotix tried to glue him to the chair again."

"But Ciel never wears pants," Shadow argued.

"…Let's just say it wasn't painless getting ripped off of that stupid chair," the younger brother muttered, sporting a pair of jeans. "So where to now Shadow?" The black hedgehog brothers thought about this a minute.

"I suppose we'll see when we get there," The Ultimate Lifeform decided. "Come on, we'd better leave before the Chaotix wake up." That was the other reason for leaving; they had gotten so sick of Vector and Charmy that all three brothers knocked the detectives unconscious.

So, with a bright sunset behind them, the brothers walked off yet again to find another place. Where would they end up, even I don't know yet. However, we will all know in a week or two. Hopefully.

* * *

**Hopefully indeed. See you all soon!**


	22. When Life is Just a Game

**I'M SO SORRY!!! I accidentally posted the chapter for Bounty Maelstrom instead of this one...well, here's the real chappie. Oh, and thanks to Sakura-Courage-Solo and Stryfe the Hedgehog for helping me with ideas and writing this chapter.**

* * *

So far, the search for a new place to crash was unsuccessful. After awhile, the brothers ended up commandeering the Chaotix's house, since the detective group was still knocked out at Tail's place. The place was nice enough, it had some beds, and it even had a television, which Gemini quickly hooked his game up to. Currently, he was trying to play Arc the Lad: Twilight of Spirits. 

"So basically, there are two sides in this," Gemini explained to Shadow, since the latter didn't have anything better to do. "There's the humans, and the deimos, which are animal people like us. So anyway, these two sides are trying to kill each other, and there are these two people, Kharg and Darc, which turn out to be brothers, even though they're on opposite sides."

"Very interesting…and I care why?" Shadow asked.

"You don't, but do you honestly have anything better to do?" Gemini asked. "Y'know bro, you really need a hobby besides that gun of yours. It'd keep you from being so dang moody all the time."

"I am not moody," The Ultimate Lifeform argued. "Besides, I think your gaming problem is more than a hobby."

"Is not!" The mage argued, taking a swig out of a Mountain Dew bottle. "I'm going to try and beat this game in only two days, so I'll be up all night. Say, this Mountain Dew tastes funny…" Shadow, who was annoyed now, grabbed the remote and changed the channel.

"This just in: the factory producing such drinks as Coca Cola and Mountain Dew has been contaminated with alcohol. If you see any of these beverages, do NOT drink them until further notice! That is all." The channel went back to Gemini's game.

"…Crap," Shadow muttered, looking over at his blue-striped brother. Possibly because of the alcohol, Gemini had already passed out, half on the couch and half on the floor.

"At least he can't bother us if he's asleep," Shadow said, walking away. Ciel, who was in the doorway, gasped.

"Uh, Shadow?" he exclaimed. "Well, uh…when you two are drunk, you guys are actually worse in your sleep."

"And you know this how?"

"Remember when you guys got drunk? That's how." Ciel explained. Shadow would have said something about not remembering the event, when someone prodded his back. Turning around, Shadow saw Gemini, who seemed to have woken up.

"That was quick," The red-streaked hedgehog said. "Feeling better?"

"Of course I'm fine," the mage replied. "For I am Darc, ruler of the deimos!" Shadow blinked, and noticing that when his brother wasn't speaking, he was…snoring.

"Gemini, you're just talking in your sleep. Go back to bed."

"Nonsense, I'm as awake as ever! Now, we must go mount the Pyron, fly to the castle in the sky, and use the five spirit stones to destroy humanity!" Shadow and Ciel exchanged glances.

"Told you so," Ciel mumbled before turning to Gemini. "Okay then, who are we?"

"Well isn't that obvious!" the mage scoffed, and pointed at Shadow. "You are none other than Delma, my obliviously hot, angry girlfriend!" The Ultimate Lifeform glared, while Gemini pointed to Ciel. "And you are Camellia, the decrepit old plant lady thing!" The winged hedgehog gasped, looking like he was about to cry. "Oh yeah…decrepit plant lady that gets revived later into a freaking hot flower chick!"

"…I'm a baby chicken?" Ciel asked, not knowing what 'chick' meant.

"Exactly! Now come, we must find the rest of my deimos crew!" With that said, Gemini ran out the door. Shadow and Ciel exchanged glances again.

"I guess we have to follow him," The Ultimate Lifeform said, pulling out his gun. "If we don't, who knows what trouble he'll get into."

* * *

"So that is why you have to help me destroy the humans!" Gemini had just finished explaining this to Amy and Sonic, whom he believed were a creepy puppeteer monster and a giant anthro wolf respectively. 

"Hmm…and you say I can take over people's minds and make them surrender to my will? And I have a puppet?" Amy asked. "That sounds like fun actually…come on Sonikku, let's join them!"

"I dunno…" Sonic muttered. "The destruction of an entire species is kind of-"

"They killed your family Volk!" the mage exclaimed. "They killed your wife and children! We must stop them before they destroy any more innocent lives!" The Blue Blur's eyes widened.

"My wife and children? Dead? We must stop them!" Sonic struck a heroic pose. "To save my babies! Yes!" A few feet away, Shadow sighed.

"Ciel, give me the guidebook so I can figure out how this stupid story works," He ordered. Grabbing it from Ciel, he skimmed through the pages. "It says here that we're headed to some floating castle…how do we get there? Some magical beast called a Pyron? There's no way he can find one of those."

"Would this work?" Ciel asked, pointing to Tail's ship, The Tornado.

"Excellent job Camellia!" Cheered the blue-striped sibling, climbing on top of the plane. "Take us to the castle, magnificent Pyron!" Shadow sighed yet again; could things get any worse than this?

* * *

It was a known fact that the Eclipse Cannon was big. Really big. It also possessed pin-point accuracy, power enough to pierce stars, and three versions of Pong on its hard drive. All that was needed to power it were seven Chaos Emeralds. Unfortunately, all seven were there. 

"This is not good," Shadow groaned. "If he puts those in, we're goners! Ciel, he trusts you! Tell him to cut it out." Hearing no reply, the moody hedgehog turned around to find his younger sibling codling a Black Wing.

"Can I keep her Shadow?" Ciel asked. "She's a good little girl, honest! Please Shadow?"

"…First off, that's a Black Wing, and secondly, how do you know it's a girl?"

"So? I know she's a girl because…I can tell." Ciel paused to think about something. "I'm thinking of naming her Miffskin…what do you think?" Shaking his head, Shadow walked over to Gemini, deciding he'd have to stop the sleepwalking mage himself.

"Gemini, whatever you do, do NOT put all seven emeralds in the cannon," The Ultimate Lifeform ordered. "Understand?"

"Yes," Gemini replied. "What I don't understand is why there are seven of these. There's only supposed to be five spirit stones! And where's that stupid brown one…" The mage tossed the cyan and purple emeralds over his shoulder, and then covered the yellow one in dust (since the Ark hasn't been cleaned in years, it's probably very dusty), turning the once bright golden gem a dull brown. "That'll do."

To make matters worse, the door suddenly opened. Through the entryway came Knuckles, Blaze, Charmy, Vector, Espio, (yes, the Chaotix finally woke up), who had been called to investigate the Ark after the Tornado had been seen flying away.

"No, it can't be!" Gemini yelled, pointing to a certain red echidna. "It is Kharg, my stupid twin brother that I must kill, and his human lackeys, Meru, Paulette, and…I forget the other two people's names."

"Vector and Espio," Ciel whispered.

"Right! Tatjana and Ganz, I knew that." Everyone in the room stared at Gemini while Shadow consulted the guidebook.

"Let's see…Paulette's a hot chick with a chain-whip, Meru's a masked midget, Tatjana's a hot blonde, and Ganz is a big green guy."

"I'm a masked MIDGET?!?" Blaze howled furiously. "How dare he?!?"

"And why must I be the green guy?" Espio asked. "It suits Vector better."

"All of you shut up," Gemini ordered. "Now, I am going to destroy all you humans…just as soon as Lillia appears, and the scene continues." There were a few minutes of silence, in which Blaze was forcibly constrained, Ciel coddled his new pet, and Shadow looked through the guidebook to figure out what was going on.

"It says here that Lillia is this red-headed girl that holds a mysterious power of some sort. I wonder who the hell that's supposed to be." Now, take a guess at who it is. Think human, and redish-orange hair…

"Yosh!" Cried Eggman, who entered atop his Egg Walker. "I showed up for the apocalyptic ending! Let's just cut to the big boss fight, shall we?" Everyone's eyes drifted over to Gemini, wondering what he was about to say.

"Lillia?" The mage asked, looking Eggman up and down. "You've gained weight. No matter, fair, sweet Lillia, because I'll save you, and then destroy my brother and the rest of the stupid humans!" Apparently, since the good doctor was a human, and his mustache was red-orange, he qualified for the part. Not that he seemed to pleased by it, mind you.

"Fair and sweet?" He bellowed. "FAIR AND SWEET?!?" The pudgy scientist suddenly broke into tears. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me!

"…What is the point to this?" Blaze asked. "You know, I think I'll go home now." Pretty much everyone began to leave.

"Get back here you human pansies!" Gemini shouted. Deciding it was time to finish this, the mage rushed over to the Eclipse Cannon, and entered the command 'Destroy all Humans.' The cannon was, unfortunately, already aimed at the planet below.

"Shad, please tell me that something stops him," Sonic said. Shadow nodded, flipping through the book.

"It says that suddenly, the gravity goes off, and-" Almost on cue, the gravity switched off, and everyone began to float as if they were weightless (even Eggman). In the doorway was none other than Tails, holding a circuit in his hands.

"Sorry everyone, but I realized the Ark's gravity circuit needed to be replaced, so I had to take the old one out." Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, because now, this was hopefully over.

"Sorry Zev," Gemini called out at Tails, "but you won't stop me!" the mage managed to flail his way over to the button, ready to push it.

"Hold me Sonic!" Amy cried. "This is it; we're going to all die up in space while everyone explodes!" Gemini suddenly stopped.

"…Space? Did you say…space?" His eyes suddenly snapped wide open. "Oh crap, not again! Don't tell me I'm back in space! NO!!!" The blue-streaked hedgehog curled up into a little ball, hovering a few inches over the button.

"Someone mind explaining what just happened?" Tails asked.

"You see," Shadow explained, "Gemini drank a bunch of alcoholic Mountain Dew, and when he fell asleep, he thought everyone and everything was part of one of his video games. But apparently…realizing he was in space snapped him out of it somehow."

"He's scared of space," Ciel added. "Gerald forgot to put Gemini to sleep when kicking him off the Ark, so he was stuck in this cramped little capsule until he crashed into Earth…freaked him out a lot." This theory was accepted, and everyone began to head back to the Tornado, with Shadow being forced to drag his blue-striped brother with him, since the mage was too freaked out to uncurl out of his little ball.

"Now, what did you learn from this Gemini?" Shadow asked. His brother opened his eyes a crack.

"…Alcohol and Mountain Dew is a bad combination?"

"That too…but mainly that you are too obsessed with video games."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"…I am not continuing this. Let's go home." Shadow looked over at Ciel, who was carrying the Black Wing. "You're keeping that?"  
"Miffskin needs a home Shadow," Ciel cried, hugging his new pet. "I can't just leave her here." The little Black Wing cooed in agreement.

"…Once we find a place to stay, I'll think about it."

"Thank you Shadow!" The angst-hog was subjected to a group hug, consisting of Ciel, a curled up Gemini, and a Black Wing that began to chew on his quills. This was going to be fun indeed…

* * *

**Yes it will be. I hope the chapter was alright… don't know why, I'm just not sure about it. Maybe it's just me? Oh well. Say, if any of you have ideas, please let me know. I could use them. Even anonymous people can leave a comment, that's fine. If you are anonymous, though, please leave a name and maybe an email address so I can contact you, okay? Thank ya' much!**


	23. Fireworks and Demolition Derbies Do Mix!

**For once, I actually found some inspiration: The 4****th**** of July. Care to guess how Shadow & co. can screw this one up? Oh yeah, I think it's a bit short...sorry; I've been busy for the past few days.**

* * *

For once, the chapter begins with Ciel and Gemini. Why? Shadow was out, who knows where, and his brothers were currently walking down the street.

"I wonder where the hell we're bunking tonight," Gemini wondered aloud, toying with his sunglasses. "It was nice enough for the Chaotix to let us spend the rest of last night at their place, but we can't do that again."

"It'll be alright Gemmy," Ciel replied. "We'll find something, I'm sure! Right Miffskin?" Remarkably, Ciel was allowed to keep the Black Wing (which he named Miffskin), and no one made a fuss about it.

"Meep," The Black Wing agreed. Before Gemini was able to ask what the little bugger had just said, they were rammed from behind by Shadow.

"Oh dammit," He muttered. "Sorry. Anyway, guess what I found you two?"

"Do we really want to know?" Gemini asked.

"You do," Shadow replied. He pulled a piece of paper out of his quills, waving it triumphantly in his sibling's faces. It read as follows;

Tonight only: the 4th of July Demolition Derby Extravaganza! Come and watch, or sign up as one of the competitors for a prize of $5000! Also tonight: The giant firework blow off, and the 150 ft. Flaming Wall of Doomnation! This is an event you do not want to miss!

"Guess who signed us up for the Demo Derby?" Shadow asked. "Me! All we need to do is find a beat-up car, and we're in! If we win, we'll have enough money to fix the apartment!"

"It sounds alright," the mage brother replied, "but mind telling us where exactly we're going to get a beat-up car in…let me see…five hours?"

"Right behind you." The trio turned around to see the police car from Chapter 3 (when Shadow had skillfully run it into the mall), which was partially fixed, but still somewhat trashed. It was also then that the siblings noticed the car keys in one of Shadow's hands, and a can of spray-paint in the other…

* * *

About nine o'clock that night, Shadow's hands were on the wheel of his new baby. The ex-police car had been painted neon green with some red flames on the side, so no one would recognize it. The Ultimate Lifeform had been surprised at how easy it had been to commandeer the car again after having stolen it a first time, but hey, it wasn't his fault humans were so stupid.

"Shadow," Ciel asked, "Isn't stealing a bad thing?" It was also a surprise that Ciel finally realized that, so Shadow came up with an excuse.

"We aren't stealing," he explained. "We are borrowing it with the intent of it eventually returning without being busted, despite the fact it will probably be in the scrapyard by tomorrow."

"Oh…okay!" The winged sibling exclaimed, climbing into the back seat of the car next to Gemini. Miffskin was soon moved back there also, due to the fact that she began to chew the Ultimate Lifeform's quills. Soon enough, however, everyone was ready to roll.

The track was a circular dirt track, which had been wetted down to mud for slipping and crashing. Surrounding it was a large metal fence, littered with pieces of last night's competitors. Finally, in the middle was another fence, which held the fireworks and the Flaming Wall of Doomnation, both of which would be launched after the races. Currently, no one was over there except for Bean and Bark. Bark was the announcer, and Bean was the pyrotechnician. All cower in fear.

"Hello people, and welcome to tonight's Demolition Derby," Bark greeted in his general monotone way. "We all hope you enjoy the show, and watching things blow up. Woo. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go stop our pyrotechnician from blowing up the track again." The polar bear proceeded to do so, while the competitors drove onto the road.

"Am I the only one with a bad feeling about this?" Gemini asked, clutching the seatbelt. Shadow laughed from the front seat.

"Nonsense! Sure, things are going to blow up, but there's no way we can actually die from this. We're immortal!" Of course, immortality did not cover grievous injury, but did that matter right now?

"Scrah!" Cried a certain Black Wing in Ciel's lap.

"…Miffskin wants to know if this car has airbags," the winged hedgie translated. Shadow thought a moment about his answer.

"I dunno. One sec." The Black Blur stepped out of the car, quickly grabbed Miffskin, and tied her to the front of the car with some duct tape. Once the Black Wing was tied down, Shadow stepped back into the car. "She can be the hood ornament."

"Racers, please start your engines," announced Bark, who was currently strangling Bean at the same time. "Ready, Set…Go." The various racers were off, including Shadow. The neon cop car was rammed into every single vehicle in sight, as well as various passer-bys, fences, and staff members. Imagine bumper cars, but without the bumpers. Don't forget to add mud, no bumpers, ramps, no airbags, oh, and did we forget to mention complete lack of safety?

Of course, this just meant that Shadow was having the time of his life. The only things that could make this better were guns and Maria…but please don't tell him that. Meanwhile, Ciel was freaking out about Miffskin being tied to the hood, and Gemini was in the fetal position, trying not to hurl his lunch.

"Shadow, are you by any chance heading for that ramp over there?" Ciel asked at one point.

"Yep! We're going to jump that thing at 97 mph," The Ultimate Lifeform exclaimed.

"But aren't we supposed to go the other way, up the slope, instead of into the big flat part?" Indeed, they were driving the wrong way, and were about to crash into the wrong side of the ramp. Now they crashed. Not to fear, however, for Shadow was not out of the race. Instead, he just jumped into the nearest open vehicle, knocked the driver out, and commandeered it in pure GTA style.

"Isn't that against the rules?" Ciel asked.

"Only if they pay attention." The trio got in their new car, a beat-up Volvo (which I have no clue what it is anyway), and continued the race. Meanwhile, Bean the "Dynamite" was finishing up the Flaming Wall of Doomnation. Now, as soon as even one spark of fire hit the fuse, the wall would go up in flames. Oh, tonight was going to be a big show, he could feel it in his feathers…and his feet as Bark tackled him to the ground again for eyeing a rather pretty piece of gunpowder.

"So that's where the fireworks are?" Shadow asked from the front seat of the Volvo. "What exactly are they?"

"Giant flashy lights that explode in the sky," Gemini explained. "A bit too bright for my eyes, and Ciel hates the noise. You'd probably like it, though."

"When are they going to light them off?"

"I believe the flyer said midnight…but judging the fact that you're driving straight toward them, I'd say about ten minutes maximum." Cue Volvo crashing into fence.

"Hey Bark, my pizza delivery finally showed up!" Bean exclaimed, running toward the vehicle. "Anchovies and cheese pizza!"

"No Bean!" The polar bear cried (though still retaining his emotionless voice) as he ran after the duck. Soon, water fowl, polar bear, and alien were on the hood of the car, while Shadow was sticking his head out the window for a better view, and Ciel and Gemini cowered in the back.

"Those little barrels right there wouldn't happen to hold the explosives, would they?" The Ultimate Lifeform wondered aloud.

"They sure do!" Bean explained obliviously. "Don't worry; the only way they'll set off is if exposed to fire!" Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. A few minutes of driving passed.

"I smell something burning," Ciel muttered. Unfortunately, he was right. The bottom of the Volvo was sparking, catching on fire. Most people would cheer at this point, except for the fact that Shadow just drove over the fuse for the Flaming Wall of Doomnation.

For the record, the name fit quite nicely, seeing as everything was blown up in a gigantic firewall. The sheer force threw all the inhabitants of the Volvo up into the air, into the flames, and back down as large fireballs. To make matters worse, Ciel landed on top of more fireworks, which launched him back into the air again. Shadow, who was still burning a bit, watched happily.

"So those are fireworks…AWESOME!" The Ultimate Lifeform jumped up, pleased with his efforts. "I love the 4th of July! We're doing this every year!"

"Please spare me next time," Gemini grumbled. "…Dammit, my pants burned off!" As well as the rest of his clothes, save for a pair of magically-protected boxers.

"So?" Shadow asked. "I don't wear pants!" Why? Because he's too smexy for his pants.

"Well I do, and running around in my boxers is not my idea of fun." The mage looked up. "…You know, I'm almost surprised Ciel isn't dead." The winged hedgehog fell down again, various pieces of the explosions in his back, and landed on the ground with a thud.

"…My ears…" He moaned. "Are we done now?"

"Look Bark," Bean shouted a few feet away, "I molted again, and so did you!" The featherless duck waved his arms in triumph, while a hairless polar bear stared at him.

"Wonderful. Oh, and bears don't molt. We shed."

"Same difference!" The rest of the night was split between watching the fireworks and running away from the cops, who just realized their car was stolen again. Just like every 4th of July thereafter. Of course, it wasn't like Shadow cared; that was the point of the holiday, right?

* * *

**I think the chapter was a little short, but oh well. It was fun. X3 I still need ideas people! I have a few, but more would definitely be appreciated! Well, I luv you all, and for those of you it applies to, Happy 4th!**


	24. The Magic of Randomness

**There is officially no due date for this. I don't know if I've said this before, but there isn't. Cha. This chappie is also co-written by Stryfe. Beware randomness.**

* * *

Miraculously, Shadow had won the demolition derby, and had gotten enough money to fix the apartment. Repairs were soon carried out, and the triplets were back in their home sweet home. Unfortunately, something dark was underfoot…

Literally.

"Gemini, is this your dark magic potion thing on the ground?" Shadow asked, having stepped on a vial of something dark green in color. The mage peered over the couch, briefly pausing his current gaming obsession, God of War II.

"Oh yeah, my Temporary Spontaneous Combustion potion. Don't drink it; you'll be temporarily exploding out of existence if you do." Gemini went back to his game, and Shadow stepped away from the vial, making a mental note to never drink dark-green stuff from magicians.

At that moment, a knock was heard at the door. As usual, Ciel was the one forced to go answer it. The winged hedgie skipped over to the door, opened it, and was immediately handcuffed. In the doorway were two figures; Bane Arnax (as seen in chapter 10) and a blue fox-girl. The fox stepped into the room, inspecting the place.

"By order of the Magical Order of Nations, you are hereby under arrest for…Shadow-Sama!" The fox immediately glomped the red-streaked sibling, making the both of them fall to the floor. She was a long time fan of his, you see.

"What the hell is going on here?" Gemini asked, actually forgetting his game for a minute. "What is a Holy Priestess doing in MY apartment? And Bane, why are you here? Shouldn't you be making out with your girlfriend somewhere?"

"Oh sure, don't ask about why I'm being pinned down," Shadow grumbled sarcastically. From the doorway, Bane explained the situation.

"The Magical Order of Nations, known as MON for short, is arresting you on several accounts." The cat pulled out a list and some reading glasses, and read the charges aloud. "For unlicensed usage of Dark Magic and Chaos Energy, as well as unlicensed keeping of a Spiritual Beast…that would be Ciel over here…Projects Gemini and Shadow are placed under arrest."

"…Projects?"

"You guys don't have a last name either, so we just refer to you as projects."

"Damn." Shadow looked around. "I didn't know we needed licenses. I mean, Sonic doesn't need one."

"That's because he already has one," the fox added, wagging her fluffy tail. "Not that he's much of a Chaos User anyway. Come along now Shadow-Sama, we've got work to do! Oh, and my name's Vanna."

"Hold on one minute!" Gemini was now fully ticked. "You can't just arrest us and take our brother away for something we didn't know we needed! That's just not fair!"

"Generally," the cat-mage muttered, "I would say that life isn't fair. I was taken over by a cross-dressing demon once, and was that fair? No. I could go on, but I won't. This time, I'll just say…sucks to be you."

* * *

The MON headquarters was an embassy for all magical creatures in the country, including every sort of magician, unicorn, dragon, dust bunny, and a magical living ice cube named Fred. In appearance, MON Headquarters looked like a fusion of any castle you can imagine, except it was octorine (a hypothetical mix between teal, purple, and yellow-green). It was a wonder, Shadow thought, that barely anyone noticed the strangeness of the place, since it was practically the size of a town, until Bane explained that it was usually under a cloaking spell.

"Wait one minute Shadow-Sama," Vanna ordered. "Bane and I will quickly go ask the elders to not arrest you. I'm sure they'll understand." The duo walked off, leaving the Shadow brothers outside the gates. The red-streaked sibling shrugged.

"I guess we'll be out here a whi-"

"We're back!" Bane suddenly announced. "Okay, here's the deal: You guys are all going to get arrested."

"Damn."

"Unless, of course, you can get your licenses today, and prove Ciel is not dangerous." Vanna finished. "Don't worry, I'll give you my number so you can call me while you're doing time."

"Double damn." Sure enough, the gang was lead into the town, and into a castle. This castle was where they would get their licenses, and hopefully, not get arrested. They were each led to separate areas: Gemini to the Training Grounds, Ciel to the Investigation Room, and Shadow was just left in the Main Hallway.

"Where the hell am I supposed to go?" Shadow asked a nearby magician.

"Well, what kind of magician are you?" The person asked. "I'm a Yellow Mage."

"…Yellow Mage?"

"Yeah. The one kind of mage that never appeared in Final Fantasy. We spread sickness, disease, and cannibalism. We invented the shrink spell, you know, but they always give that to those bloody Black Mages."

"Oh." Shadow muttered, not really caring. "I'm a Chaos Energy User." The Yellow Mage suddenly laughed.

"So you're the lowly Chaos User! Here's your license." Shadow blinked as the piece of paper was put in his hand.

"That's it?"

"Energy Users, which include Chaos Users like you, are so ridiculous, there's no need for you n00bs to take a test, so we just give you a license. Enjoy." The Yellow Mage walked away, leaving the Ultimate Lifeform alone again.

"…n00b? How dare he call me a n00b!" Shadow then chased after the mage, bent on seeking vengeance…and maybe find a bathroom.

* * *

Gemini was led by Bane to the Training Grounds. There were multiple animals there, though the vast majority could barely summon a spark. Gemini sighed; he hated these pansy n00bs. He was so much better than these punks.

"Greetings." A orangish-golden lioness dressed in violet walked over to him. "I am Instructor Ambrosia. You shall be joining us in practice today, to apply your ranking as a Dark Mage. Are you ready?"

"Sure as hell I am!"

"Good. For sake of this exercise, you shall be #42." The lioness walked briskly away. "#1, please demonstrate a Fireball, and incinerate the target dummy in front of you." #1, a little sheep, stepped forward. He briefly recited an incantation, which as far as Gemini could tell, was this translated: Set my pork on fire. A pig that was a few feet away was covered in small sparks that lit his hair on fire.

"…Still needs practice, #1. Now, #2" This went on for a good while, with not much difference in results. Soon, it was Gemini's turn.

"#42, incinerate the target dummy in front of you." Gemini nodded, reciting the incantation for a sphere of fire, just to impress those wanna-be punks. With the power he was putting into it, it would probably impress the teacher as well. The sphere grew around the training dummy…but unfortunately, he used a bit too much power. All the grass within 10 feet of the dummy was set on fire, which burned until Ambrosia doused it with a water spell.

"Very powerful…but not enough control. Next, #43!" She briefly turned to Gemini. "I shall see you at the next training area. Be there to continue your evaluation."

* * *

Ciel, meanwhile, was in a dark room with only one lamp for light. There was a metal door, which Vanna had left through, and a mirror.

"…Hey, I can see my own face! Cool!" Ciel stared at the mirror, until a person with a black cloak entered the room.

"You are the bloody Spiritual Beast known as Ciel?" The figure asked.

"…No, I am the hedgehog known as Ciel, silly. If I was a beast, I'd have fangs." He pointed to his teeth, which were in fact, fangs.

"I see. Well then, please take a seat, and we shall begin." The winged hedgehog sat on the floor, while the figure took a chair.

"Now, we have spoken to practically anyone who's had any connections to you. Do you know what they have told us?"

"They like me?" Ciel guessed. The figure shook its head.

"Well, our first quote was from a bee named Charmy. His only quote was that you kicked a puppy. Is this bloody true?" The yellow-streaked hedgehog groaned.

"No…the voice in my head did."

"Right. The second quote is from a crocodile known as Vector, whom you would not help find the bloody computer room. A third bloody quote comes from Mistress Tamara, who claimed you pilfered her underwear."

"It was a dare!" Ciel exclaimed.

"I see. Well, under her license, she had the bloody authority to shoot you, so I guess that evens out. Now, the rest of this interview is difficult, because most of the others who knew you were either maimed, or are bloody buried six feet underground, if you get my drift."

"They're miners?"

"No. Also, we could not interview your bloody brothers, because it would be a biased report. Now, do you have anything to say about yourself?"

"The voice in my head would like to make a quote," The hedgie said. "Can he speak?" The figure raised an eyebrow.

"Sure. What would your bloody voice like to say?" Ciel nodded, and his eyes turned red.

"I would like to say that I would like to rip your arms from your body, and use them for tennis. That, and I am sick of having this whiny little child in MY host body. I ask that you exorcise him immediately, or I shall have to take measures you do not wish to think about." The hooded figure blinked.

"I…see. Does this involve puppy kicking at all?"

"Hey, that blasted ragdoll was asking for it! It tried to bite my leg before I could rip it apart." Ciel's eyes went back to their regular yellow color. "So, did he say anything nice about me?"

* * *

Back with Shadow, he had successfully taken down that bloody Yellow Mage, and showed him who was boss. Oh, and he also found the bathroom. As he left, another mage (this one being a red one) walked up to him.

"Are you the punky Chaos User that took out my Yellow Mage homie?" The Red Mage asked. Shadow nodded.

"Do you have a problem with that, n00b?"

"Ach! You flamed me! That is it; prepare to meet your maker!" Despite having said this, Shadow took this magician out easily. Unfortunately, more and more mages of all colors (or lack of, in case of Black Mages) began to swarm him, and were about to be taken care of similarly, when a cloaked figure came down the hall.

"Bloody schizoid hedgehog, I oughta'-" The figure stopped. "Hey, no fighting in the halls! Save it for the arena, alright?"

"But this Chaos User started it!" One mage yelled. The others agreed. Sighing, the cloaked figure glared at Shadow.

"I was finishing it," He stated simply. "And I do have a license, damn-you-very-much."

"Just go to the arena, you stupid Energy User!" Cue Chaos Blast from Shadow, before storming off to find this so called arena. From behind them, the figure groaned.

"Bloody hedgehogs…this is not my day."

* * *

It hadn't been too hard for Gemini to finish his tests, in his opinion (which, of course, was all that mattered). As Ambrosia stepped forward, the blue-striped mage wondered how much praise he'd have to take at how well he did.

"Congratulations, you made rank 51." Gemini was handed his card.

"So, I did pretty damn good, eh?"

"You did…okay." She said with a pause. The hedgehog shrugged, and then walked off to see the other mages of his rank. This was the first thing he heard out of their mouths.

"Lik3, OMG, w3 hve a n00 p3rs0n!" They all chanted in unison. Gemini stopped dead in his tracks, turning to face Instructor Ambrosia.

"What. The. HELL?!? Am I in the wrong category? Yes, I must have stepped into the wrong room, right?" The lioness shook her head.

"You have much potential, but you exert little control over your powers. Once you have acquired more skill over your magic, you may perform the test again for another rank."

"But I'm much better than these freaks! I've resurrected people from the dead, for god's sake! That's at least rank 25, right?"

"Level 20, to be precise. But without control, you cannot become any higher than your current rank." As she said this, Gemini's temper went out the roof. How could they even dare compare him to a chat-speaking freak? It was not just insulting, but a crime against everything his opinion stood for (which was everything, in his POV).

"Oh, I'll show you control. I'll defeat any freaking magician you send my way!" The blue-striped hedgie pointed at a random passerby, a ferret. "You! I challenge you to a magic duel!" The ferret glanced at him, raising an eyebrow.

"You request a duel with me?" He asked. "I must say, it is not often that someone wishes to engage in combat with me. I shall accept your challenge."

"This really isn't a good idea Master Barret," Ambrosia said to the ferret. "He really doesn't know what he's-"

"I know what I'm doing!" Gemini growled. "There's an arena nearby, right? We'll settle this there." The ferret nodded, and the duo (accompanied by Ambrosia) headed to the arena.

* * *

By the time Shadow had gotten to the arena, Gemini had already begun his fight with the ferret. Since that was going on, the Ultimate Lifeform was not allowed in for various reasons. This didn't help his mood much.

"Stupid magicians," he muttered under his breath. Something suddenly poked him in the neck. Whipping his head around, he came face-to-face with Ciel.

"Hi Shadow!" the winged sibling exclaimed. "Look, I got a collar!" Around his neck was indeed a collar, with a small tag on it. "Let me see…it says…Sy-el t-he Hed-ge-hog: Spee-ri-tu-all Bee-s-tie. Do not get ne-ar, or el-se." **(AN: That's not how it was written, just how Ciel sounds it out. Say each one separately, as if they were separate words, and ignore any grammar stuffage.)**

Shadow shrugged; at least this meant they wouldn't get arrested for Ciel now (he hoped). However, the arena was still closed. Now, how could Shadow get in? There were many elaborate ways to sneak in, break in, bribe guards…or he could just Chaos Control in. He decided to do that, warping Ciel in with him.

Unfortunately…he warped right in the middle of the fight, and both of the siblings were frozen by Gemini's freezing spell. The blue-striped sibling stared at them blankly.

"How the hell did you two get here?" Shadow would have answered, but due to the fact he was frozen, it would be rather difficult to do so.

"Somehow, freezing your brothers does not seem quite right," Barret (the ferret) mused. He quickly muttered something, and all three siblings were struck by a magical bolt of lightning. "Electrocuting them is much more fulfilling!" He said this with a perfectly straight face, by the way, which was really creeping Gemini and Shadow out. Ciel didn't notice, after licking the ice and getting his tongue stuck to it.

"…Who are you?" Shad and Gemmy (don't let them know I called them that) both asked. The ferret shrugged.

"From what I have gathered, people say I am the Grand Master of Dark Magic. I myself believe that I am Barret. A ferret, of course. Did you notice that Barret and ferret rhyme? Remarkable, that is." Gemini's eyes went wide. Shadow stared blankly.

"So this guy is basically your supreme leader?" Said hedgehog asked. Gemmy nodded.

"…Wow…despite his craziness…I want his powers." At this point, Ambrosia and the hooded figure entered the arena.

"Have you finished Master Barret?" The lioness asked. "Your guardians are waiting for you." The ferret turned his head.

"I suppose I have." He turned to the Shadow brothers. "Very well, I must be off now. I do hope you have an enjoyable time treating those lightning burns." With that, the two mages left. The hooded figure, however, remained.

"Bloody hedgehogs, I don't even know why they let you in here!" The figure grumbled. The three "bloody" hedgies exchanged glances.

"Alright, I'll ask this one more time: Who the hell are you?" Shadow asked. "I mean, we can't just have a nameless figure suddenly show up in a humor story! It messes everything up."

"Bloody good point, but I can't tell you who I bloody am. It's uh…your final bloody test!" The hooded figure mumbled something under its breath. Deciding there was no other way to figure this out, Shadow launched a Chaos Spear at the figure's feet, causing it to topple. As it did so, the hood came flying off to reveal…

A random girl. What did you expect? An OC? Sonic? God? ME?!? Nope, it was some random mage that said "bloody" a lot. Ha-ha.

"…That was kinda' lame," Gemini stated. Shadow and Ciel nodded in agreement. "So…now what?"

"That's obvious!" The Ultimate Lifeform exclaimed. "Get out of here, and get ready for the next chapter!" The others nodded, and the trio Chaos Controlled away. Meanwhile, the girl stood up.

"Bloody fools…they didn't suspect that it was really me…THE AUTHOR!!!" At this point, the author had to cut her dynamic entry short. "Bloody hell, it's the end of the chapter. Oh well, there's always next time…"

* * *

**Eheh…sorry if the end seemed kinda' odd…I was pushed for time. I apologize for how late the chapter ended up being, but stuff happened (and the chappie ran longer than expected)…but I am completely motivated for the next chapter! It'll be a fun one, you'll see…oh, I may be "borrowing" a few OC's too, so beware…X3**

**As for Ambrosia (whom I made up on the spot), you may see her again. Just putting that out. You will indeed see "the voice in Ciel's head," though. I just need to figure out how to introduce him…for those of you who know what I'm talking about, do you have any ideas?**

**Oh, and on a final note, I do not say "bloody" in real life unless referring to beef. Bloody beef…shot Well, see you next time!!!**


	25. The Channel 6 News!

**New chapter! As of this posting, this story is tied for being my longest-chaptered story yet (tied with Crimson Stripes). And, since this is still going, this will be the longest story yet! Cool! So, thank you for reading this everyone! It means a lot to me!**

**Disclaimer: takes a deep breath I still do not own Shadow, Sonic, or any related characters, for they belong to Sega. Elsie the Cow is insane ownage of Blue Mage Quartet. Angelique the Hedgehog is property of Dreabeauty. Silhouette the Hedgehog belongs to Crimson-Obsidian-Rose. Sakura is, of course, Sakura-Courage-Solo. Tamara the Cat belongs to Stryfe. Finally, I own Gemini, Ciel, and Miffskin (yes, she is still alive after the 4****th**

* * *

It didn't take long for Shadow to hijack a new car, and drive the brothers back to Station Square. Unfortunately, our favorite red-striped hedgie had accidentally run into a van. Said van was a carpool van of newscasters from the Channel 6 News! And they had managed to convince the brotherly trio into doing the news broadcast for the day until they could return. Shadow agreed, because otherwise, the newscasters would place embarrassing pictures of them across the headlines. Even someone like the Ultimate Lifeform himself could not stand up to that kind of blackmail.

Right now, Shadow was next to the Head Anchorman desk, adjusting his tie. Rouge, who was managing the program that day, was beside him.

"Rouge, I feel odd about this," Shadow growled.

"That's called 'nerves', Shaddie." Rouge explained. "Everyone gets nervous sometimes!"

"Actually…I think it's the fact that I hate wearing ties." Frustrated, he tossed the tie off. "Just make sure everyone's in position, alright?"

"Yep. Tails and Cream are doing the camera, and everyone else has their news topics. I say we're clear Shadow!" A light flashed. "Oh, that's your cue! See you in a bit Shaddie!" Rogue flew off, leaving the angst-hog to stare at the camera.

"Three…two…one. Action!" Said camera turned on, and Shadow forced himself into a smile (which looked more like a twisted sneer)

"Hello everyone, and welcome to Channel 6 News! I am…sorry…to report that the usual cast is in the hospital for…inexplicable reasons, so me and my…'brilliant' cast shall take over for today." He sighed, and pulled out a script. "So…now for the top headlines. Let me see…first off, **Sonic the Hedgehog Saves Town.** Self explanatory. Second, **Sonic Saves Town Again.** Self explanatory again. Third, **Sonic the Hedgehog Saves Town for 53****rd**** Time.** Geez people, do I honestly need to explain this? Get a life!" Shadow tossed away the script, completely missing the fact that the next broadcast was about a certain black-and-red hedgie. "Next broadcast!"

* * *

"And now," came Rouge's voice, "It's time for the weather!" The screen changed to show Ciel, who was holding his pet Black Wing, Miffskin.

"Weather? Right now?" he shrugged. "Okay…today, there is a giant letter H over Texas, followed by some big red arrows. Oh, and a letter C over New York! Why are parts of the alphabet on the map?"

"Meep."

"Oh, okay!" Ciel pointed to the map. "There are also…clouds over Utah! Clouds that look like sheep! Beware of sheep clouds, Utah! Just wondering, what kind of a name is Utah? I mean, it sounds silly. How about we call it something else, like…"

"Meep!" The winged hedgie turned to Miffskin, who was chewing on the edge of the map. Ciel gasped, grabbing the alien on the spot.

"Bad Miffy! You know you're paper intolerant! Stop eating Florida, you're going to hurt the poor little Floridadians!"

"Meeeeeeeep. Meep." Ciel sighed.

"…That's the weather. Back to you Shadow!"

* * *

"-So that's why I need more coffee here! Seriously, this is ridiculous! Oh, are we on?" Shadow turned back to the screen. "Hi there! Uhmm…more on headlines…er, my friend Angelique will deal with that. Angie!" A violet hedgehog with silver stripes (that appeared in chappies 6-8) came onto the screen.

"I told you not to call me that…" She sat down, pulling out her papers. "This is how it's done. Today, top news stories report that Shadow the Hedgehog, or at least, someone who looks remarkably like him, has been seen raiding clothes from the lingerie department. The police are on the case, tracking down every suspect that looks remotely like a hedgehog, or has colors close to black or red. Remember, stealing is a criminal offense, so if you have any information, please contact authorities." Angelique turned to Shadow. "See? It's easy!

"…I did not steal any bras or panties. Honest." The Ultimate Lifeform's face was, by the way, beet red. "So now, on to the Economy Section! Get lost!"

* * *

At the Economy desk was Tamara, (the dark-purple cat that Ciel stole a pair of undies from), and a blond human girl known as Sakura.

"Our report for today," Sakura began, "Deals with rising gun stock. Weaponry everywhere have been in high demand over the last few years, mainly as self-defense from Dr. Eggman, or even Eggman buying them himself. However-"

"What do you mean 'however'?" Tamara asked, slamming her papers onto the desk. "It's freaking great! I own a Gun Shop myself, and business has never been so freaking good!"

"Yes, but many parents are concerned about the effect this will have on children. Not that I don't agree with you, of course." Sakura nodded.

"Screw the kids! I have guns on me right now, and there's no problem at all! Watch!" Out of her shirt came a pair of Gatling guns, as well as some pistols, machine guns, and a water gun (technically a hydro-electric rifle, water goes well with electricity). The cat proceeded to strip down to her undergarments, leaving a large pile of guns on the table. Sakura stared in disbelief.

"…Shadow isn't here right now, is he?"

"Nope. I'd shoot him if he was." Both girls stared at the screen.

"Tamara, you do realize that we're screwed now, right?" The cat shrugged. With nothing better to do, both girls picked up a gun from the table, and shot the camera. All turned black.

* * *

The next camera showed Knuckles and Tikal. The latter of the two was staring at the camera, her face only a few inches away.

"So this machine allows people all over the world to see us?"

"Depends," Knuckles explained. "Is that green light flashing?" Tikal nodded. "Then it is…crap, I'm on!" The guardian tossed on a gold-chain necklace and a backwards cap.

"Yo, what up peeps? This is Knuck-lz, and we are here at da'…what is this part again?" Since apparently no one here read the script, Knux looked over his. "A cooking corner? Sweet!" He tossed off his cap and bling, instead putting on a chef hat and an apron. "Today, we're going to make a blueberry shortcake ala' mode!"

Tikal continued to stare at the screen. "So all those people can see you embarrassing me? That is rather…disturbing." She looked at her fellow echidna, who was humming to himself as he stirred a mix that looked a lot like puke. "…I apologize for this…"

* * *

The next screen showed Gemini, dressed in his Paine cos-play outfit, with his feet up on the desk. He seemed entirely focused on some game on his Nintendo DS, and every once in a while, he'd snag a drink of Mountain Dew. After a few minutes of this, a most clearly ticked off Shadow stormed onto the scene.

"Gemini, what the hell are you doing?" He practically screamed in his sibling's ear. The mage paused his game, looking over his shoulder at the angst-hog.

"Playing Final Fantasy III. Why?"

"…Aren't you supposed to be doing your newscast? Or have you already blown that part of your brain with those stupid games of yours?"

"Of course not! I'm on a Mountain Dew Break." The mage pointed at his trusty green bottle of Dew. Shadow stared blankly.

"Mountain Dew Break?"

"It's supposed to be a coffee break, but I don't like coffee, so I call it a Mountain Dew Break." There was an awkward silence between the two.

"Well…apparently, you forgot to tell the camera crew. We're on right now." Gemini nodded, and then realized what this meant.

"Crap. What the hell am I talking about again?"

"Electronics."

"Oh, well that's easy!" Gemini turned to the screen, assuming the complete newscaster pose, and declared in a completely straight face, "Xbox 360 tm and Wii tm sucks. That is all." The mage then resumed his game.

Shadow, meanwhile, stared at his sibling in disbelief. "That's it?"

"Yep. I'm back on my break." He waved a hand toward the camera. "How about you show someone else now?"

"…Yeah…I'll do that…" Having no way to argue his brother's eccentric habits, Shadow walked dejectedly off-screen.

* * *

"And now," came Rouge's voice from off-screen, "the Traffic Report!" The camera (manned by Charmy Bee, whose mouth was duct-taped so his annoying voice would not disrupt the broadcast) turned toward the city, and a row of cars that went for miles. Top speed at the moment was 1 inch per hour.

"As you can see," Vector explained from the streets, "We are currently in the middle of Rush Hour traffic. As far as I can deduce, this is a plot formed by puppy-kicking zombies, but since we can't prove this at the time, we'll just interview some of our fellow drivers." The croc walked into the crowd of cars, stopping at a red Wasabi.

"Hello person! How can I help you?" Came the voice from inside.

"I was just wondering, what do you think of this horrible traffic jam?" The driver seemed to consider this a moment.

"In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke." Next to her was a can of Chocolate Slimfast.

"But that is Slimfast, not Coke," Vector stated flatly.

"I know. We aren't in Cyberland." Elsie continued to stare out the window. If you couldn't tell that was Elsie, then I think we have a problem. Anyway, Vector nodded, and walked over to another car. Inside was a black hedgehog with red stripes, but the windows were up, so it was hard to tell the gender of the hedgie.

"And what do you think of the traffic jam?"

"All I can say," the hedgehog replied, "is that I should have left Victoria's Secret five minutes earlier…stupid registers." Vector noticed that the back seat of the car was filled to the brink with bags of lingerie. Remembering the report from earlier, he gasped.

"You…you criminal!" The hedgehog's face seemed to turn pale, and the gumshoe reptile continued his accusation. "You seem suspicious, and there are no receipts in your bags! Where were you on the night of tomorrow?"

"Uhmm…I don't know?"

"Oh, okay! Charmy, jot this down in the Handy Dandy Notebook!" Up in the sky, the bee complied, and as he pulled out the notebook, he dropped the camera onto the street. The screen once again turned black.

* * *

Back with Shadow, everything was hell. Almost literally. Sonic and Amy had been in charge of the Sports section, and as usual, Sonic ran from the stalking fan-girl as fast as he could. On his way, he accidentally tripped over Tamera's gun collection, causing the bullets to fire in every which way. Some of the bullets set fire to the weather map and Knuckles' soufflé, and the flames quickly spread throughout the building until the sprinkler system turned on about five minutes later.

The Ultimate Lifeform was, of course, pissed. Pretty much everyone had bailed by now, and they hadn't even finished the program yet. Bloodshot eyes watched the people go, every once in a while twitching.

"I'm back Shadow!" Ciel exclaimed, "and I got Gemini!" The two siblings were both burned and drenched, and the blue-striped brother did not look like a happy camper (not that he liked camping in the first place, but you know what we mean).

"Stupid sprinkler system shorted out my game," he growled. Shadow rolled his eyes, and checked to see if anyone else was in the building. There was one, but it was just a cop…

Hold on, a cop?!?

"You, black and red hedgehog!" The police officer yelled, "You're coming with us!"

"Look, I do not need this right now," Shadow snarled back. "Leave me the hell alone, dammit! I haven't done anything wrong lately!"

"That's not what the news report said!" The cop pulled out a piece of paper with the headlines on it. "After examining every suspect that was clearly not a black and red hedgehog like the one specified in the report, we have figured out that you must be the lingerie thief!"

"I've never stolen anything from a lady in my life!" The red sibling explained. "I mean, Ciel did once for a dare, and I'm not sure about Gemini, but I can honestly say that I am not the thief."

"Then do you have any clue who it was?" Almost on cue, a car drove onto the set, adding to the mayhem. Out of the car came, remarkably, a black and red hedgehog. It looked like Shadow except for two things: It wore clothes (which you can imagine), and…was a girl.

"It's about time I got here!" The hedgehog girl sighed. "I'm looking for Rouge; have you seen her? I just finished her shopping." She pointed to a bunch of bags in the back of her car, and paused to sniff the air. "Something's burning…"

"Oh, hello Silhouette," the cop said. Shadow raised an eyebrow.

"Did you try her, by any chance?"

"Why? She's a perfect female copy of you! It couldn't be her." Shadow slapped himself in the face.

"You are so freaking stupid…" Shadow walked up to the car, pointing inside. "Black and red hedgehog. Bags of undergarments. No receipts to show she paid. Does that seem at all suspicious to you?"

"I can explain!" Silhouette claimed. "I'm a big fan of yours, Mr. Shadow, so I dyed my fur black and red, and styled my quills just like you do. My friend Rouge asked me to quickly pick up a pre-paid order for her from some stores, so I was able to just walk in and pick them up. And finally, there are no receipts in the bags because I kept them in my purse!" She nodded.

"So that news story meant absolutely nothing." The Ultimate Lifeform shrugged. "Guess we don't need this cop, then." Shadow punched the police officer in the head, knocking the chap unconscious. Gemini and Ciel exchanged glances.

"…Shadow?" They both said at the same time (those freaky twin abilities again…). "The camera's still on." Much to the hedgie's horror, the light of the camera blazed green, recording every moment.

"Fu-bleeeeeeep!" There IS a law against cursing on the news, you know (or at least, I think there is). With no other option, Shadow grabbed his siblings by their shirt collars, and jumped into Silhouette's car. Flipping on the ignition, the car came to life, and sped away from the flaming newscast building.

"Hey, my car! Thieves!" The Shadow-fan stared dejectedly at the spot her vehicle was just in. "I didn't even get an autograph…" She turned to the camera, the only thing left with her. "Ah well…thank you for watching the Channel 6 News! Good Night!"

* * *

**Twas fun, twas fun. Next time (if all goes according to plan); Shadow is forced to visit a psychiatrist with his brothers…what could go wrong now?**

**(Special Note to Rose: Sorry, I had to change Sil's explanation a bit to fit the chapter, kay? She probably just said that as an excuse, though…maybe she didn't want the bro's to notice her yet? Oh well…)**


	26. We Drive Eggman the Psychiatrist Mad

**Is it a new chapter? Yes. Is this the one that involves the psychiatrist? Yes. Will chaos ensue? Read the chapter to see, silly. X3**

* * *

The Channel Six News! fiasco just proved to the world that Shadow and his brothers were indeed insane. This caused the brothers to lie low for a while, and by lie low, I mean stay at home all week. 

Unfortunately, everyone else in the city was even more ticked off by the fact that they couldn't find the furry trio, and get vengeance on the horrible broadcast. So, after a council meeting, they sent in the military. Equipped with sleeping gas, they returned on their second nightly raid to the apartment, ready to kidnap the hedgie brothers.

"But sir, I don't want to be here again!" One of the young soldiers whined. "Remember last time? Bobby was turned into a newt, and that one hedgehog was violating me! Sir, can I please go?"

"Go? Yes you may go." Replied the commander. Young Soldier sighed in relief as the commander continued. "…And by go, I mean that you get to go in first!"

"Oh no…I mean, yes sir. Right away sir." The soldier snuck into the living room, searching for any hedgehogs in sight. Shadow and Gemini were each in their rooms, asleep. Ciel, however, was nowhere in sight. The soldier stepped cautiously into the room, gripped by fear and who-knows-what else.

_Ba-dum. Ba-dum._

The soldier stopped dead in his tracks. Was it just him, or was the theme from Jaws playing? He shook his head; that was impossible. It wasn't like he was in a movie or some strange story. In the corner, a black figure stood, red eyes gleaming. With the ferocity of a panther, it leapt forward…

_Ba-dum! Ba-dum! Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-daaaaaaa…_

"Meep!" Both the figure, strangling the soldier by the neck, the soldier being strangled by the neck, and the mysteriously playing shark theme, froze. The former of the two stared at the little alien in annoyance.

"Miffskin, not now," the figure ordered. "Mommy's working at the moment. Can't it wait a minute?"

"Meep. Meepem meeper meep!" The figure sighed, letting go of the human.

"Fine, but don't think I'll be so nice next time."

"So you aren't going to eat me?" The soldier asked hopefully. The figure shook its head.

"No, I'm not going to eat you." A pause. "Miffskin is." The Jaws theme burst into full crescendo, and chomping noises could be heard throughout the night…I think. I can't tell; I wasn't there. Let's move on, shall we?

* * *

Shadow awoke later in a white room, and the first thought that came into his mind was, "Man, I must have gotten really drunk last night." Then remembering he had only gotten drunk once, he decided to figure out where he was. 

Again, the room was white. Pure white. There was one door that was also white. There were also white chairs, white tables, and two not-white lumps of fur. These were, in fact, Gemini and Ciel. The former of the two was asleep, curled up in a small ball and sucking his thumb (Shadow made mental note of this, reminding himself to get a black-mail camera). The latter, however, was awake.

"Morning Ciel," Shadow said. "Any idea where the hell we are?"

"As a matter of fact, I do not." The Ultimate Lifeform noted that his little brother sounded funny, thought he couldn't tell why. Also, his eyes were red. That could only mean one thing…

"You're impersonating one of those spies from the movies again, aren't you?" Shadow asked. "I thought you were acting odd. So who is it this time? The Terminator?"

"Uhmm…err, yes," Ciel replied awkwardly. "The Terminator, sure…I am the Terminator, rawr."

"You aren't doing it right. He sounds more like this; I AM THA' TERMINATOR! PREPARE TO BE BLASTED YOU GUUURLY MAN!!! Like that."

"…Sure…"

Suddenly, a loud, booming voice burst into the room via a white intercom. "Attention Hedgehog Projects! You are currently under military arrest for extremely questionable sanity! We shall be sending in a psychiatrist in a few minutes to define your exact mental health. Until then-" The aforementioned intercom was then blasted into a smoldering pile of scrap by Gemini, who had just woken up.

"No one lets a mage get the sleep he deserves. I swear, it's so friggen stupid that I should…say, where are we?"

"How do you think I should know?" The Ultimate Lifeform asked. "Ciel woke up first; ask him." The mage did look over at his winged sibling, and gasped. Seeing Shadow's confused expression, he pulled the red-streaked sibling aside.

"What's the matter Gemmy?"

"Simple: That isn't Ciel."

"Why of course it is stupid! I mean, look at him!" At this moment, the winged hedgehog was investigating the broken intercom. After a few minutes of watching, he abruptly began to rip the deadened machine into even more pieces.

"Well, that's what I would probably do," Shadow added.

"Thing is, Ciel wouldn't. Do you remember when we were fighting after we first met? Back at the GUN base?" The angst-hog thought about this for a moment.

"Oh yeah, course I do."

"Remember when Ciel went kind of…crazy?" Unnoticed by them, the white door opened, and a figure dressed in even more white stepped in.

"Crazy…that's right! He killed the GUN Commander without even flinching!" At this exclamation, everyone in the room froze. Noting the unusual silence, Shadow thought about what he just said. "…Hold on, that's a BAD thing, right?"

"Yosh!" Whipping their heads around, the siblings came face to face with none other than Eggman, who was dressed in a white doctor's coat. In fact, if his moustache were gray instead of orange, the doctor could easily be mistaken for his grandfather.

"…Eggman? What the hell are you doing here?" Shadow asked. The doctor smiled in his usual evil way, stroking his moustache as if it were a pet tied under his nose.

"Well, I am…the psychiatrist!" He replied dramatically, flailing his arms in the air like a madman to prove (or disprove, more like) the point. "Seeing as the military didn't want to risk a professional on you, they decided to try me first."

"So basically," Ciel began, "they're sending you to kill yourself trying to psychoanalyze us, and then they send their lazy-arse professionals to finish the job. Is that right now? Pretty stupid if you ask me."

"Th…that isn't the point!" The egg-shaped doctor cried. "I am too great to be killed by you three! Come, we shall begin…THE PSYCHOANALYSIS!!!" After a bit more arm flailing, he dragged the sibling each into different rooms, and let his death sentence…I mean, the tests, begin.

* * *

Upon Eggman's request, he would do each of the siblings one at a time. After a quick game of rock-paper-scissors, it was decided that Shadow would go first. He was currently lying on one of those long chairs, with Eggman looming over him with the grin of some insane killer clown. 

"So Shadow," The rotund doctor began, "Start talking."

"…About what?"

"Anything. I want you to start talking, and then I shall judge how crazy you are from that."

Shadow shrugged; it was simple enough. "Fine. Well, for one, my name is Shadow."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"…Nothing? It's a name." The doctor jotted down a few notes at this, and urged Shadow to continue. Not like he had much choice in the matter.

"Do you have any family?"

"Did you already forget that your other two patients are my brothers? Your age must be getting to you, doctor."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"The age, or my brothers?" Shadow shrugged. "Either way, it makes me want to shoot you in the head very, very badly." The doctor opened his mouth. "And before you say anything, that only makes me feel like shooting you more with Judy."

"Judy?"

"My machine gun." The Ultimate Lifeform whipped out Judy; his large pet machine gun. "She has high-powered firing upgrades, a bullet bouncer mod, and edges that go on for miiiiiiiles…" Unable to resist the urge any longer, Shadow threw off the safety on Judy, remembered that there wasn't a safety option on her in the first place, and then began to rapidly fire at anything and everything in the room.

Eggman had somehow managed to squeeze himself under a table, and quickly finished his notes. "Test 1 is a success. Project Shadow is apparently obsessed with his gun (named Judy), and his hatred for me! He pretends not to care for anything else…I shall now go onto Test 2, since the table over my lovable bulk has just been shot off, and I have bullets bouncing off of me (it was by sheer luck that Eggy's blubber was thick enough to repel the bullets). Next report in one hour."

* * *

After much battering, the pudgy professor got to his next subject, Gemini. The hedgehog mage was lying on a seat similar to the one Shadow had just blown up. He seemed completely bored out of his mind, for he did not have a game screen in front of him to stare at. 

"This is so booooring!" He growled. "I'm the sane one of the brothers, honestly! Why psychoanalyze me? I just want to go play my game."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Huh? Well, I feel bored…I know!"

"Know what?" Suddenly, Eggman had a rather bad feeling about this.

Gemini smirked. "I've need practice my magic to bump up my rank, so I can practice…on you!" Rolling up his sleeves, the hedgehog began to mutter something. The doctor stood up, preparing to high-tail it out as fast as his twiggy legs could carry his eggy body. So he ran…and ran… until he realized that he had only gone a few centimeters. Looking down at his legs, he realized that they had been replaced by a trail of icky slime. That, and that Gemini had magically summoned a large container of salt.

In a way, you could say Eggman was now…Slugman!

"You aren't going to dump that nice container of salt on ME, now are you?" The doctor asked. The mage looked down at him (being a slug, he was now only a few inches high), and laughed.

"No, I'm going to do something worse." Instead of dumping it all on Eggman, he made a collection of various salt trails, and various pockets of the same mineral that seemed to blend in with the floor.

"What the fork are you doing with that?"

"Practicing my magic and a video game career at the same time! I just designed a maze…out of salt. Slugs hate salt. Therefore, you have to find your way out of the maze without running into the salt walls. However, there are also magically hidden salt mines that, once stepped on, will cover you in an explosion of salt! The farther you get to the end, the more mines there are. I'll give you five lives."

"…Are you essentially putting me in a video game?"

"Yes. But instead of video, it's salt. Start sliming; I'll turn you back to normal if you can make it to the end in less than six minutes." It was going to be a long day…

* * *

As luck would have it, Slugman…I mean, Eggman, had made it out of the maze with one second to spare, and no lives. Sure, he was covered in slime when he came returned to normal, but it was all for the better. The last patient was Ciel. Calm, sane Ciel…not! Instead of sitting on the chair, he had thoroughly shredded the furniture, and covered the floor in a fine layer of chair carnage. 

"…And how does wrecking the room make you feel?" Robotnik asked. The winged hedgehog raised an eyebrow.

"Now why does everyone keep calling me Ciel? Don't you realize that I am vastly superior to that little runt? We look nothing alike either!" In truth, the only difference between normal Ciel was the red eyes and the slightly deeper voice, but Eggman thought it best not to bring it up.

"So who are you?"

"…When I was still a Black Volt, I was known as Kral'ack Prunaaal; Volt Warrior and parent of one, but in this form, you may call me Paranoia."

The doctor didn't know quite what to make of this. He had seen this part of Ciel before, and he had heard that Ciel had been revived by a Black Volt, but…this was something else entirely. Talking to psychopaths made people think that. "So then, Mr. Paranoia…where is Ciel?"

"Asleep."

"And you live in his mind?"

"Precisely. He doesn't let me out nearly enough. All I want is some life force, maybe some blood and gore as a treat…except yours. Your energy makes me sick...literally." The silence that filled the room seemed like the calm before the storm, and Eggman was regretting the choice to not buy life insurance.

"Meep!" Turning about, the scientist noticed Miffskin of all people (aliens, more like) gliding into the room. Instantly, she was grabbed by Paranoia.

"Miffskin, you good girl! Coming all the way out here for your mother…such a good little Black Wing. Yes you are, yes you are!"

"…Mother?" Eggman asked as Paranoia continued to coo over her 'good little girl.' The ex-alien nodded.

"Yes. Any Black Arm can have children, and we're technically genderless, but the closest term in English I could find in was Mother…but yes, Miffskin is my one child; the only good thing Ciel ever did was finding her." Well, this was a revelation. The voice in Ciel's head was a girl (and since all Black Arms could be females, this meant Black Doom was…ughh….), and that the youngest sibling was by all means the craziest…

"I think I'll be leaving now. Farewell." The doctor turned to leave the room, with all hopes of escaping.

"Did I say you could leave?" Paranoia asked darkly. "I don't believe I had a chance to rip your flesh off yet. I need a chance to see if there actually is anything under that bulbous body growth.

"…Crap…" All hopes of escaping were hereby crushed.

* * *

After realizing that there was nothing left to shoot, Shadow left the white room he was left in, meeting up with an extremely bored Gemini. Entering the third room, they were greeted by an enthusiastic Ciel. 

"Happy Friday guys!"

"…Friday?" Both of the siblings asked. Ciel nodded.

"Well, I woke up here with Miffy in my lap, and Eggman cowering in fear behind a ripped up couch. The only days I wake up to scared people hiding behind furniture are on Fridays, so I figured that was today!"

"And you're back to normal now?" Gemini asked. The winged sibling nodded.

"Never been better! Though Paranoia seems a little angry that I didn't let him play any more…but I'm used to rants."

Shadow, meanwhile, looked confused. "Paranoia?"

"Long story. Now, are we just going to stay here?"

"Don't see why we should." Pulling out a Chaos Emerald, the siblings disappeared…Eggman, however, was still there. And he stayed there, cowering in fear, until GUN returned and dragged him away…into the nearest mental institute.

"Well that obviously didn't work," one of the soldiers stated. "So what now?"

"…Not sure," the commander replied. "We'll have to try something else later…or else."

"Or else what?"

"Not sure. Got any chips?" Ah, the intelligence of the government is truly astounding, no?

* * *

**…Yeah, Paranoia finally got introduced. For the record, Paranoia is referred to as a boy since he's in a male body (Ciel's), and as he said, Black Arms are mostly genderless in the first place. Expect to see Paranoia a bit more in the future, okay?**

**Anyway, I apologize (as usual) for the long time it took me to update, but writer's block is a killer. Once I go back to school (tomorrow) and get into a schedule again, it may be easier to update…or not. I do have two other stories going on at the moment, you know.**

**Well, I'll see you all next update! X3**

**(Note: I have one other story with Paranoia, that's more serious. Erase the spaces and type it in the url if you want to read: http//ciel-hedgehog. deviantart. com/art/ For-Blue-Sage- Destroyer -57666294 Enjoy!)**


	27. Never Stick Hedgehogs In A Mall

**Not much to say…except that homework is annoying. Updates will be unpredictable, but to compensate, you'll notice they're getting longer. Maybe I'm just getting wordier? Narf…who knows.**

** I no own Shadow,** **or the girls, because they are Sega's property. I also don't own DBZ, or the games mentioned. Gemini, Ciel, Metal Amy, and Miffskin? That I do own. Enjoy!**

* * *

No one dared to mention the Psychiatrist Incident for a good long while. It was, however, nice to have a break from Eggman trying to take over the world every other day. There was a bad part to this: a complete lack of anything to do. It had gotten so bad that…Gasp! Shadow was playing video games with Gemini! Gasp again! 

"This…Soul Caliber game is rather…cheap." Shadow groaned, his fingers furiously mashing the buttons. "How come you keep beating me? I'm the Ultimate Lifeform! I should be able to win at anything!"

"This isn't Soul Caliber," Gemini replied smoothly as his character on-screen executed flawless combo after combo. "This is Soul Caliber III, and happens to be one of my favorite games. Not including Final Fantasy X-2, of course."

"Well, I don't see you dressing up as any girls from this," The red-streaked loser growled.

"That's because of the girls I do like, I can't find the right materials to make my outfit. Either that, or they're not the right size." There was a silence between the two siblings.

"So basically, you can't dress up as most of these girls because you can't get implants."

"Wha…uh…screw you!" The mage set the controller down gently, and then slapped Shadow upside the head. Not that he could slap very hard, mind you. Being slapped by Gemini was the equivalent of being mobbed by a horde of declawed baby kittens wearing fluffy pink bows. In the rain. Buuuuurn.

Frankly, the whole day had been like this. The duo had been playing video games, and Ciel had been flitting around the house with Miffskin in tow. Unbeknownst to them, however, a new threat had arrived…cue evil laughter.

Without even knocking, an ivory bat commonly known as Rouge strode in. She looked down at the brothers, who looked up briefly from their game to notice her.

"Hey Rouge…how long have you been there?" Shadow asked.

"Long enough," The bat replied, despite having only been there a few seconds. "I came today with something that should excite you boys."

"The Faker finally died?"

Rouge sighed. "Sadly, no. He's not dead yet, but this is even better. We are…" Rouge held it out for a bit, and then all the other girls appeared behind her. "…going shopping!!!"

"What's so fun about that?" Shadow asked. "I mean, we go shopping all the time, and we aren't out of food yet."

"Not food silly," Amy explained, "but clothes."

"**And shoes,**" added Metal Amy.

"As well as make-up," Rouge added. There was a pause. "Blaze, you're supposed to read your part."

"Oh, right," Blaze exclaimed, pulling out a scrap of paper. "And manicures, pedicures, and…massages?"

"And flowers." Everyone stared at Tikal, who said that.

"Are you a hippie of some sort?"

"No…I just like flowers."

Shadow glared at the horde of women, hoping they'd leave. They didn't, so he tried Plan B. "I do not need to go clothes shopping. Or shoe shopping, or any of that other stuff."

"And why?"

"Because I am… the Ultimate Badass! I do not need such trivial things, because I am just so damn awesome without them! THIS IS WHO I AM!!!" Everyone stared again, seriously creeped out. "What?"

"I'll just pretend you didn't say that," Rouge explained. "Besides, you all need clothes. I mean, Shadow, you don't wear anything!"

"Yes I do. I have socks, shoes, gloves, and fur."

"And Ciel…don't you have another shirt? If that one was any longer, I'd say it was a dress."

"…I like my shirt…it's tasty." To add to this, the winged hedgehog began chewing at the edge of his shirt collar.

"Finally, Gemini…you wear the same jacket and pants every single day! You need variety!"

"I do have other clothes," the mage exclaimed. "They're just scattered all over my floor. I think they've become nicely fused into the carpet by now."

"Then it's settled," The bat looked back at the other females, giving them a thumbs up. "We are headed to the mall!" Oh horror of horrors…

* * *

No amount of swearing, Maria-calling, or masculinity in general, could prepare Shadow for the terror that awaited him. Piles of clothes loomed before him, endless rows and racks of hideous garments, and wall after wall of nothing but outfits. Ranging from pink to emo mere inches apart, Shadow was seriously wondering why his eyes didn't burn from all the colors. 

"Ah…a dream come true," Rouge sighed, with the other girls beside her. "This store has almost every shirt, pant, and undergarment known to man. And today, we're going to try them all on you Shaddie!" All the other girls nodded in reply.

"Then why don't Gemini and Ciel have to go through this? I thought they needed new stuff to wear too!"

"We lost them. Metal Amy dragged Gemmy off to the shoe section, and Ciel…who knows." The ivory bat shrugged. "Anyway, we're off-topic. Now, it's time for you to be a man!" While the Ultimate Lifeform seriously doubted that fashion shows were the least bit manly, there was no arguing against these girls.

"Ooh, this one first!" Thrust into Shadow's arms was a blue-striped shirt.

"Nu uh, this one!" On top of the blue shirt, an orange one was placed.

"Green! It has GOT to be green!" You get the idea by now, right? Apparently, the angst-hog was forced to not only try on the clothes, but lug them between dressing rooms. The plus side, though, was that he could sneakily dispose of anything he personally disliked, such as the hordes of Sonic shirts Amy placed in the pile. He even saw a shirt or two of himself in there, and wondered how odd it would look to have a picture of his über angstness covering his body, when really, all he needed was that nice patch of fluff on his chest.

"Heaven help me," he growled. "Or Valhalla…the Afterlife…even Hell would be nice. Surely I've done enough for the devil to welcome me with open arms by now."

* * *

Gemini's eyes glanced back and forth between the two stores up ahead. One was EB Games, which was probably the only good store in the whole mall. The other? A generic brand-selling shoe store, appropriately named…The Shoe Store. This was the one that Metal Amy was dragging him to as we speak. 

"**Oh my gawd,**" she stated, "**Shoes.**" The Shoe Store, of course, had a lot of the aforementioned footwear. It also had a sale; if a customer could fit the shoe they wanted, they could get it for free. Of course, to make up for this, the manager replaced all shoes present with sizes that were either ridiculously small, or big enough for Eggman to fit his whole bulk in, and still have room for his foot.

"So…you want to get yourself some shoes?" The mage asked. "Have fun with that…I think I'll check out EB Games over there while you-"

"**I cannot wear shoes,**" Metal Amy explained. "**I have extra large, built-in shoes already, which are irremovable. No, we are shopping for you.**"

"But I don't want any friggen shoes!" Almost as soon as the words escaped his mouth, his shoes were already tossed off, and the metallic fangirl was trying to stuff a miniscule sandal onto his foot. Said sandal was so tiny, in fact, that it barely fit on his toe.

"**It fits.**"

"If you want my toe to fall off, yeah. Look, they aren't going to give this to you free if you can't get it over my whole foot, which frankly, you aren't going to do! So take that thing off before my toe turns blue, and…uhmm…mind telling me what you're planning to do with that meat cleaver?" A now very-nervous Gemmy watched in horror as Metal Amy lifted up her prized cleaver.

"**I am going to make the shoe fit. Hold still; this will hurt less if you don't fidget. And please ignore the fact that approximately two-thirds of your foot will be removed.**"

The mage managed to get out of the way right as the meat-cutter swung down. Not that he didn't want to lose two of his three toes (in my style, they have a three-toed foot), or that he didn't want to wear sandals that couldn't even fit a chao. Well, maybe it was those reasons, but whatever it was, it sure made him run around that store fast…

* * *

Ciel wasn't sure exactly where he was going. Not that he ever was sure, mind you, but at least he had Miffskin with him. The winged hedgie wandered aimlessly throughout the mall, with his pet behind him, the latter of which chewing on various pamphlets handed out by salesclerks. They were paper pamphlets, of course, and were soon spit out at random passerbys. 

"I'm bored…" Ciel whined after awhile. "There's nothing to do here! Just stores, and more stores, and then some…stores. It's boring!" It was at this moment that Ciel passed by a store titled, "Lipsticks and Kicks; Makeup to Make You Anew!"

"Excuse me Miss!" A saleslady standing outside of the store called, "Can I interest you in a free makeover?"

"…Miffskin doesn't like makeup," Ciel explained, thinking the lady was talking to his pet. "She says it tastes bad."

"Meepem meep…bleh," the alien agreed. The saleswoman's face turned bright red.

"Oh, I'm sorry…I thought you were a girl." Ciel raised an eyebrow, looking confused.

"But Miffskin is a girl!"

"I was talking to you, sir," the saleslady replied with a groan. "Now, would you like to come in?

"…But I'm not a girl."

"That's why I…never mind." The lady sighed, but then perked up. "We can do males too, you know. Make you look manlier? It'd be attractive to the ladies…" Ciel stared at her for a minute, dumbfounded.

"Why would I want to attract girls? They have cooties," He finally replied.

The woman shook her head. "No, we don't. Now, would you like a makeover or not? I'll throw in some cologne for free."

"Calzone tastes funny."

"Cologne, not calzone. Just come in, you!"

"…But I'm not a girl."

"FOR GAWD'S SAKE, WHO CARES?!?"

Ciel thought a moment. "Miffskin does. Her mommy is gender confused, so she doesn't want her daddy to too." He watched as the poor lady tried counting to ten to calm down. She got to four.

"I see," she replied through clenched teeth. "Would…Miffskin's Mother be interested, then?"

"I don't know, one sec…" Ciel blinked once, and his eyes turned red.

"…Sir? About your-"

Paranoia (which Ciel switched to, if you didn't notice) glared at the saleslady. After a few minutes of this, and nothing but this, he/she/it smirked.

"I suppose I could 'shop' at this pathetic building you call a store…if I can rip your heart and spinal cord out first." Cue lady fainting on the spot.

"Meep?"

"I think I'll take that as a yes…come on Miffskin, let us see what this 'makeover' ritual is, okay sweetie?"

"Meepem meep…"

* * *

It was pure luck that Shadow had his gun on him that day (pure luck being the fact that he slipped it past the security guards), and thank the author that he did. At this moment, Shadow was locked in the fitting room, waist deep in clothes. There was, however, a wall. Not just any wall, mind you, but a white wall that was on the other side of…nothing. Absolutely nothing. Meaning, of course, that the Ultimate Lifeform could just shoot his way out, and he'd be home free. 

Aiming his prized weapon at the barrier, he pulled the trigger that would save his life…only for it to make a small 'click' instead. Checking the barrel, Shadow came to a most unfortunate realization…he was out of bullets.

"Damn," he muttered. "Damn damn dammity damn. Where is that damn fourth Chaos Emerald? Damn." Seeing as his gun was useless now, he stuffed it back in his quills, and promptly began thudding his forehead against the wall. Maybe that thick skull of his could come in use for once.

Actually, it did. After a few straight minutes of thunking his cranium against the wall, a certain something fell out of its resting place in his quills. This, my friend, was a Chaos Emerald. The fourth one, to be precise. It took a few more minutes of head-banging for Shadow to actually notice it, but we have to give him credit for eventually finding it.

"Hey, it's that damn fourth Chaos Emerald! I wonder how it got there…oh well." Rewarded with an emerald and a headache, Shadow uttered the magic words. No, not abracadabra, silly. The other magic words.

"Chaos Control!" And with that, Shadow warped out of the fitting room…

…and into the Shoe Store, where he promptly avoided being run over by Gemini. The Ultimate Lifeform never realized this, but the mage could actually run rather fast. Not sonic-fast, mind you, but still rather fast. Not that Metal Amy cared; she was the one with the meat cleaver after all.

"What the hell…" Shadow muttered. "Gemini, what are you doing?"

"Trying not to get my foot cut off, what does it look like?!?" The mage had managed three laps around the store while saying this, and was working on a fourth. "Shadow, whatever you do, do NOT go shoe shopping. It blows."

"Like clothes shopping is any better?"

"Ha! I strongly doubt there are any meat-cleavers there!"

"No…there are hordes of clothes to drown in, though." There was a brief pause, in which the only sound was Metal Amy's war cry. The war cry went on for awhile, reminding Shadow vaguely of a show he saw once full of men who just fought and screamed for episodes on end…Dragon Ball Z, was it? He shrugged, not really caring.

"Are you going to just stand there, or are you going to help me out?" Gemini asked, practically shrieking so he could be heard over Metal Amy.

The angst hog shook his head. "I'm in an anti-hero mood right now. I'll just be here sulking over Maria and ignore your needs, if you don't mind."

"Very funny Shadow, now why don't you- hey, back off with the cleaver! AAAAAHHH!!!" The robotic fangirl had finally tackled Gemini to the ground, and was now attempting a simple surgery using her cleaver. Everyone stared for a few minutes, before Shadow walked over to his brother and picked him up by the hood of his jacket. In a most un-climactic way, he simply walked out of the store, brother in hand.

"Why didn't you just walk out of the store in the first place?"

"Uhmm…because then we wouldn't have a plot on my part?"

"True." After a few minutes of walking, remembering that Shadow was still dragging Gemini, dropping Gemini, and then walking some more, an ear-piercing scream was heard from the nearby women's restroom.

No, it was not Amy. Guess again.

…Not Metal Amy either.

Blaze doesn't scream.

Not Rouge…or Tikal…

Cream and Vanilla weren't there in the first place.

Sonic? Yes, congratulations! …I mean no.

In all actuality, it was Ciel. Why Ciel was in the women's restroom in the first place, one can only marvel at, but he was. And like any pair of guys recognizing their brother, Shadow and Gemmy were not about to go in, so they simply stood outside the door.

"Ciel, is there a problem in there?" The Ultimate Lifeform asked cautiously. All he heard was a muffled reply. "Ciel? Please tell me you didn't just realize you were in the wrong bathroom."

"I am?" the winged hedgie asked from inside. "Oh. Well, at least Miffskin's in the right one. But no, that's not why I'm screaming."

"…Then why?" After a bit of shuffling, there was a rather quiet reply. "Speak up."

"My face is…rubbing off."

"What?"

"MY FACE!!!" It was at this point that the door was thrown open, and Shadow witnessed the second most horrifying image in his life (27th, if you count horrid fanfics in the list). His little brother's face was covered in a horrendous amount of makeup that was half smeared off, and he was practically in tears. Miffskin was beside him looking exactly the same, minus the crying bit.

After fighting back the urge to hurl, Shadow asked, "You had a makeover?"

"Is that what happened?" Ciel asked. "I dunno. I just remember waking up here, in the woman's bathroom, with this stuff on my face. It is kinda' pretty, though…" **SMACK!** "Owchies…What'd I say?"

"You are NOT going to wear that!" Shadow yelled. "The only one here who can wear makeup and stuff is Gemini, and that's because he's a crossdresser!"

"Exactly," The mage agreed with a nod, "I'm the only…hey!"

"It's true."

"Shut up before I blast you, pansy!" And so, another argument unfurled…but at least the evils of shopping were over, right?

Elsewhere, the evil society of girls regrouped. A dark and sinister force hung in the air, causing all other shoppers to flee. And this is what they had to say…

"Oh my god, look at this cuuuuuute shirt!" Amy exclaimed. "Wasn't this worth it, everyone?"

"But the guys disappeared," Tikal noted. "Wasn't that the point?"

"It was," Rouge explained, "but as long as we get to waste our money on outfits we really don't need, it all turns out for the better. Now come on, there's a sale over there! All shoes for…free!"

* * *

**A most fitting end to the chapter. X3 And all you guys out there, don't assume that all women obsess over shopping. I don't…well, if it's game shopping, I guess it's okay…Oh well. While I'm not sure what the next chapter will bring, I can hazard a guess at…world domination? shot**

**Anyway, see you soonish!**


	28. Halloween is Bad for Shadow

**Hi guys! This chapter is going to be a little different, because it is…a Halloween chapter! Ta-da! Wait, I'm late? Well, I'm not changing it to a Thanksgiving one at the last minute, so…narf off or read the fic. X3**

**Shadow, Tikal, Sonic, and all those blokes are owned by Sega. The Yuna, Rikku, Paine, Chocobo, and Baralai outfits belong to Square Enix, while Mario and Luigi are owned by Nintendo (Sonic is officially in Super Smash Bros Brawl, in case you didn't know). However, Gemini, Ciel, and Miffskin are mine.

* * *

**

Yes, the brothers did escape from the shopping mall. They were found and chased by the girls and a bunch of security officers first, but they escaped by driving a car out of the mall (it was one of those display ones, but it worked rather nicely). Again, Sonic Man was blamed for the incident, and thrown into jail.

Meanwhile, about a month passed at Shadow's house. While there were various incidents along the way, none of them were worth mentioning. And no, you don't want to know. Seriously.

So the days passed, until the calendar landed on October 31st. What was so important about that day, you ask? Well, it is the day before the Day of the Dead and other holidays, but it is better known as…Halloween. The day that people dress up in ridiculous outfits, and either go to strange parties, scare themselves witless, or march around the neighborhood demanding candy from complete strangers. This is all that Shadow knew about the holiday, but it was certainly enough.

"I'm not going," he declared that morning.

"Going where?" Ciel asked, sprawled out on the couch. "Are we going somewhere today?"

"I believe Gemini is planning to take us on the Halloween ritual of trick-or-treating, and I am not taking part in it whatsoever."

"But it sounds fun!" Ciel whined. "Come on Shadow, please?"

Shadow glowered at him. "No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"I don't even like cherries!" Unfortunately, this was when Ciel gave him, "the face." While most kids try to pull off a look that can convince others to their will, it is common knowledge that the youngest siblings are always better at it. And while it wasn't originally so, Ciel now qualified as the youngest. Shadow was only able to stare at his little brother for about half a minute before replying, "Fine, I'll go."

"Yay! We did it Miffy!" The winged hedgehog cheered. His little pet offered a "meep!" in agreement, and the Ultimate Lifeform wondered just what he was getting himself into when suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Like any person who usually didn't have visitors, he wondered who it was. With a gun in hand in case it was Sonic, Shadow opened the door.

"Oh good, I found the right apartment." In the doorway was, surprisingly, Tikal.

"Yeah…what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be up with Knuckles guarding that emerald?" The light-orange echidna shook her head.

"I usually do, but today is October 31st, right? Gemini said that he would show me what this 'Halloween' ritual was about, and told me to stop by your apartment. By the way, where is he?"

Actually, Shadow realized that was a good question. Seeing as he wasn't glued to his video games at the moment, that must mean he was in his room. But what could he possibly be doing? Unfortunately, the answer came to him mere seconds before his blue-streaked brother barged into the room.

"Guess what I made you all for Halloween? I made our outfits!" In a cheerful mood that could only be attained by drinking Mountain Dew too early in the morning, Gemini revealed five outfits. One was a Miffskin-sized suit of yellow feathers, two were obvious female outfits, the fourth was a male outfit, and the fifth was the Paine cos-play he was already dressed in.

"You shouldn't have," Shadow claimed. He truly meant this, but he soon had a costume thrust in his arms anyway. One of the girl ones.

"We're going with a Final Fantasy X-2 theme!" Gemini exclaimed. "Shadow will be Yuna, Ciel is Rikku, I'm Paine, Tikal is Baralai, and Miffskin is a chocobo!" **(AN: a chocobo is a big bird in Final Fantasy that usually has yellow feathers, and is commonly used for transportation. Apparently, anything that remotely resembles a horse is an enemy, and you can't ride those).** Shadow glanced at his companions, noting that the one male outfit was in Tikal's possession, Ciel's outfit was revealing and way too colorful, and Miffskin was currently chewing on her outfit.

Fun? He thought not.

"Gemini, this is a girl's outfit," The angst-hog explained slowly. "Girls wear girl outfits, and guys wear guy outfits. Now, do you expect me to wear this?"

"Yes I do," The mage replied. "Come on Shadow, it's Halloween! How about you loosen up a bit? It'll be fun, and besides, what else is there for you to wear? I doubt you could make a costume in less than four hours when you're broke." Sadly, this was true. Shadow was broke, but that didn't stop him.

"I know perfectly well what I can go as. Watch." The red-striped sibling left, coming back a few minutes later covered in a white pillow case with eyeholes. It was _supposed_ to be a ghost, but apparently, the others thought otherwise.

"Shadow's a pillow with holes!" Ciel exclaimed happily.

"A hole-y pillow…" Tikal muttered, chuckling a little. "No offense, but that looks really-"

"-Bad," Gemini finished. "Can you even get your arms out of that thing? No, because you forgot arm-holes. Now how are you supposed to hold your loot when you can't even get your arms out without removing the whole stupid costume?"

"Who said I wanted candy, or whatever else the freaking loot is?"

"Who said you aren't going in a pillow case, how 'bout? Me. You are not wearing a pillow case as your outfit."

"And why do you think you can order me around? I'm the Ultimate Lifeform!"

"True…but I have one thing over you." There was a dramatic pause, in which the blue and red striped siblings glared at each other, Tikal glanced back and forth between the duo, and Ciel decided that the living room walls needed a new paint job.

"I. Am. Older than you. End of story!" Gemini declared triumphantly. "Now, get into your outfit, little brother." Despite the fact that they were essentially twins (or triplets), Gemini was indeed the first created of the trio. With a grudge only Shadow could posses, the Ultimate Lifeform stormed away into his room to try on the dreaded costume.

* * *

By the time the sun had set, an army of trick-or-treaters roamed the street. Shadow was, sadly, amongst them. His outfit consisted of a white v-cut shirt with a black insignia on it, with a light pink shirt underneath. There was a tight black pair of shorts, but those were covered either by the belt, or the ridiculous blue skirt that only covered one side. Adding to that, black lace-up boots, armbands, a flippy hairstyle with a large pony-tail attached, and the only good part about the outfit, a nice pair of pistols. Real ones to boot.

Ciel was considerably worse off. His quills were now large bangs held in place with a hair band and beads, and the only thing longer was the red and yellow scarf. There was a pair of sleeves that were really just a bunch of ribbons, and a pair of shorts. If it wasn't for the fact that Gemini had at least some sense of male decency, a bikini probably would be part of the outfit too. Thankfully, it wasn't, so Ciel wouldn't get as many stares on his quest for sugar. Miffskin was next to him as well, but she was busy nipping at the ends of his scarf when she wasn't trying to bite the feathers off of her own outfit.

Gemini was, of course, in his black-leather Paine outfit, fake sword included. Tikal was next to him in what was best described as an ornate green-and-white priest outfit. Unlike Ciel's, it wasn't revealing whatsoever. (Thank god. Or the author. Yes, thank the author! Back to story.)

Basically, they were all cross-dressing as video game characters. Joy! Not. Well, Shadow decided, looking on the bright side for once, it could be worse. At least there was no-

"COWER YOU SPAWN OF MUSHROOMS!!!" At that very instance, a certain blue hedgehog ran through the streets, accidentally running into Shadow. The duo tumbled down, and then stood back up before any Sonadow fangirls caught them in a bad position.

"Sonic, what the hell are you up to now?" The gun-toting hedgehog asked. His blue counterpart was dressed like some kind of vampire killer, but instead of garlic and stakes, he had…an egg and toilet paper.

"You want to know what I'm doing Shadow? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M DOING?!? Well, I'm standing here at the moment. But really, I'm on a search-and-teepee mission." Seeing the group's confused stares, he continued. "My arch-nemesis, Mario the Plumber, and his cronies, are wandering the streets tonight in disguise. And to throw me off-track, they have little kids dressed up like them to fool me. But no…I have a plan."

"You, a plan?" The Ultimate Lifeform asked. "How stupid is this one?"

Sonic smirked, striking a heroic pose. "I will not have that plumber take over my fanbase! So when I see him, I shall hurl these nice roll of toilet paper at his head, and laugh."

Now, there were over a million things Shadow could say at this point. At least half of them were bad-arse, or pointing out how childishly stupid the plan was in the first place, but instead, he went for the obvious one. "What about that egg in your hands? Are you going to throw that too?"

"Actually, this is my dinner. I ran out of chilidogs, so I've got a hard-boiled egg instead." So maybe it wasn't obvious. Oh well, so much for my guesses. "So Shadow, wanna' help me with this?"

"Why should I Sonic? I have no reason to, and besides, I'm being dragged with my siblings to go trick-or-treating. Personally, even that is better than throwing rolls of flimsy paper at plumbers." The Blue Blur pointed behind him at this point, and Shadow turned to see that his siblings (and Tikal) had already left, leaving the Ultimate Lifeform to deal with Sonic alone.

Well, there wasn't much left to do, was there? "Fine Sonic, I'll go with you. On only one condition, however."

"Sure Shad! What's the condition?"

"You only call me Shadow, you don't say anything about my outfit, and if we find any candy, I get all the Snickers."

"…Dude, that's three conditions."

"If I can say them all in one sentence, it's one condition. Now come on…it's plumber kicking time!"

* * *

On the other group's end, everything was uneventful. Ciel was collecting candy like any kid on the street, despite the fact that he looked like a teenage transvestite. Gemini and Tikal would follow, the latter continuously asking about all the different costumes and decorations.

"So why do they have images of black cats?" She asked.

"Because black cats are supposedly unlucky, that's why."

"And witches?"

"Because witches supposedly cast evil magic spells tonight, and turn people into newts and stuff." Gemini shrugged. "It's not real, though. Just a bunch of stuff to scare people." Tikal seemed to think about this for a moment.

"So then, why do people do all this? Why scare each other?"

"I dunno. Maybe by celebrating a holiday with things fake and scary, it's a break from things that are real and scary. I don't think I've been on this planet long enough to figure that out."

"Well, I haven't been in this time long enough either, if that makes you feel any better." There was a pause, while they watched Ciel laughing with some other kids about their costumes. "You know, I could say something romantic right now."

"And who says I wouldn't beat you to it?" Gemini replied. Tikal giggled at this, and it seemed like there was about to be another one of those classic romantic scenes…don't worry, this is still a humor story. Just wait for it-

"Eww, cooties!" Ciel shrieked. "Now that's really scary!"

"Meepem meep!" The winged hedgie and his pet hid their faces behind their bag of candy, with the other kids nearby doing the same thing.

"…I don't think kids appreciate romance much in this time, do they?"

"Nope. Let's keep moving on then, shall we?" A thought suddenly occurred. "Actually, Tikal…you've seen the treating part of Halloween…but do you know what we're missing?"

"What?" Tikal asked, unsure whether this was a good thing or not. Her companion's mouth slipped into a smirk.

"The Trick, of course."

* * *

To Shadow, this was by far the stupidest, most time-wasting moment he had ever encountered. In order to "catch that blasted plumber by surprise," the Blue and Black Blurs were hiding behind a conveniently placed hydrangea (flower) bush on Main Street. And so far, nothing.

"Sonic? May I ask you something?"

"The great Ultimate Lifeform is asking ME a question? Well, I'm flattered!" Sarcasm aside, Shadow rolled his eyes.

"…Why do you hate that plumber so much. What's your motivation?"

The Blue Blur shrugged. "First off, because I'm way cooler, yet he gets more popularity. Second…I just do. Mario is one of two things I hate. The other is Illinois Nazis. I hate Illinois Nazis. In fact, I bet'cha anything that Mario actually is an Illinois Nazi. Two birds with one stone! Way past cool!"

"_The stupidity of Sonic never ceases to amaze me…"_ This was pointless anyway. Here it was cold, noisy, and crouching behind a bush full of dead flowers was not much fun. Having a giant beast slobbering on one's neck didn't help much…

Hold on, what was that last part?

Turning his head around, ever so slowly, Shadow came face to face with the ugliest beast he had ever seen. It had a large, twisted face with leathery skin and beady eyes, with a giant, slobbering black tongue in between a mass of yellow teeth. The rest of the body was obscured by the darkness of the night, and its breath came as rapid bursts of frost. And the worst part; that face wasn't a mask.

"What the hell?!?" Shadow darted out of his hiding place, pistols locked and loaded. Between him and the monster stood Sonic, who was…just sitting there, munching on his boiled egg.

"Sonic, get out of there! There's a big, freaky…thing behind you!"

"Is it green?" The Blue Blur asked. "Because the only big, freaky thing I'm looking for is Bowser, and he's green."

"WHO THE HELL CARES?!? IT'S A FREAKING MONSTER!!!"

"If it isn't green, I'm not teepee-ing it." Meaning, of course, that the great hero was out. And when the great hero was out, the badass came in. Since there was no option left, Shadow aimed his two pistols at the beast, and prepared to fire…

…Only to find out the pistols weren't loaded. Well, there was one other option after all. Ditching the weapons, Shadow ran at the creature, nearly tripped over that blasted skirt, ripped the skirt off, continued running, and finally delivered a well-placed karate chop to the slobbering beast's forehead.

"Owwie!!!" The monster moaned, holding its head. "Gemini never said you'd hit me! Oww…" The monster suddenly faded away, revealing Ciel with a large red mark on his head. From behind a nearby corner, Gemini stepped out, laughing his costume-covered arse off.

"You should have seen the look on your face Shadow!" He managed to say between laughs. "See Tikal? Now THAT is a trick. You never know what a good disguise spell can do for you." After a few minutes more, the mage looked up, coming face to face with his red-striped sibling.

"You forced me to dress like a female, left me to deal with Sonic, and tried to scare me with some petty spell. Do you know how that makes me feel, brother?"

"…Uhmm…ticked off?"

"Yes. Very ticked off. Now then…" Reaching into his quills, Shadow pulled out a forgotten Chaos Emerald. "How about I play a few 'tricks' of my own?"

Between watching Gemini and Shadow fighting, wondering who this "Mario" person Sonic was talking about was, and making sure Ciel's head wasn't any more damaged then it already was in the first place, Tikal decided that Halloween was an odd holiday, to say the least. Next year, she decided, it would be best to find someone saner to trick-or-treat with. And maybe dress up as a girl. That would be nice too.

* * *

**Finished!!! Well, I'll start writing the next one once I get an idea…actually, I was thinking of doing a kind of Q&A chapter thing…but don't send questions yet! If I decide to do one, I'll let you know.**

**I hope you all had a happy Halloween, or Day of the Dead, or All Saint's Day, or whatever the spork you celebrate otherwise. See you next time!**


	29. Dinner Parties? Maaaaaaaadness!

**Update time! An idea that just…came to me, I guess, from Thanksgiving. Enjoy!**

**I do not own Shadow, Rouge, and those people. However, I guess I own Rouge's relatives, as well as Ciel, Gemini, and Miffskin.

* * *

**

Halloween passed without much more trouble, though it is true that Shadow was not forced to cross-dress for a good long while. But at the moment, that was the least of Shadow's problems. Right now, all cause for worry was a small piece of paper held in the Ultimate Lifeform's hand, which he stared at with a most bemused reaction.

"A dinner invitation? With Rouge's parents?!? What the hell is this about?" Ciel and Gemini read the letter over his shoulder. It was indeed a dinner invitation, written in flowery handwriting, with a lipstick kiss at the bottom. Apparently, Rouge had picked up various bits from her mother.

"Since you spend so much time with Rouge, I guess they want to get to know you," Gemini explained. With a smirk, he added, "they probably want to make sure you'd be a suitable boyfriend."

"Shut up! Hold on, there's something else written here…'PS: We are aware that you have two siblings, so please bring them as well.'" Shadow's heart plummeted at those words; on his own, he probably could manage Rouge's parents. But dealing with them and his siblings?

"So we're going to a party?" Ciel asked. "Yay, parties! I'm gonna' go grab Miffskin!"

"You are not going to bring her to the party," Shadow snapped.

"Why not?"

"Because…uhmm…because she wasn't invited, that's why!" The winged sibling nodded sadly, but agreed. Shadow was glad for that; he didn't think that Mr. and Mrs. Bat (it occurred to him that he didn't know Rouge's last name) would appreciate having an alien at the table.

"That leaves one more question," Gemini pointed out. "When exactly is this party?"

"November 17th. Why do you ask?"

"…Tonight's the 16th. Meaning it's tomorrow." There were a number of replies that could have been made to this, but I think the one Shadow did choose works particularly well.

"…Sh-t."

* * *

Trying to act the part of a 'normal' male hedgehog as best he could, Shadow drove into the driveway of the parent's house, hoping for the best. He had convinced himself and his siblings to dress nicely (as in actually wear clothes, in his case), and to please, please, please not go psychotic during the course of the meal. Gemini had agreed, and Ciel was too busy worrying about living Miffskin at home.

The first thing that occurred to Shadow was that the house was big. Kind of like a mini-mansion. The outside was a casual white, with the roof being dark gray. The lawn was relatively nice, with a garden up front that was probably more for show than a hobby. Lightly pressing the doorbell, a small maid opened the door.

"Oh, Mr. Shadow, you've arrived! I'll go tell Mr. and Mrs. Jardin that you're here." So, Jardin was their last name. Rouge Jardin…had a nice ring to it.

"So, this is the infamous Shadow the Hedgehog…" Snapping out of his thoughts, Shadow came face to face with another white bat. He was a rather large white bat, with a very expensive robe on, and a moustache that almost matched the size of Eggman's.

"Uhmm, yes…I am. Shadow." He pointed behind him. "And these are my brothers…the one on the left is Gemini, and the one on the right is Ciel."

The bat nodded, examining them from behind his fluffy 'stache with icy blue eyes. "You do realize, of course, that Ciel is a _woman's_ name…"

"It is?" Ciel asked. "I'd like to meet that woman! Is she nice?" Rolling his eyes, the Ultimate Lifeform bit back a sigh. The end was near…and public humiliation was next.

"Oh, there you are Shadow!" Rouge squeezed out from behind her father, dressed in the same turquoise-and-blue dress she had worn once before. "I was wondering when you'd make it. Come in already; we don't want you catching a cold, now do we?" She winked at him, the classic sign to trust her and not say anything, he followed her inside.

The dining room was large and exquisite, filled with useless yet "beautiful" objects everywhere. The author could go into detail, but decided that it's enough to say this: Everything was over-the-top in terms of fanciness, and the food wasn't even on the table yet. Rouge stifled a laugh at the sibling's expressions; even Shadow's mouth was hanging in disbelief.

"They don't seem to be high-class people," whispered her father. "How ever did you meet them?"

"It's a long story dad…maybe I'll tell you about it at dinner." Meaning, no. How would her parent's react to that little story? I mean, even the bit about her helping the government would upset them, so it was a topic best left unsaid. Hopefully, no one would bother her anymore about it…

* * *

"Hey, is anyone missing a fork? I've got two over here!" Everyone was now at the table, and Shadow had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Gemini was too busy wondering why he had two sets of silverware to notice his brother's "just shut up now" look.

"Why dear, you're supposed to have two forks!" This was from Rouge's mother; a petit woman who looked like a smaller version of Rouge in almost all departments.

Gemini continued to stare at the forks. "But why two forks?"

"Because one of them is the dessert fork," Replied. Mr. Jardin. "You do know what that means, right?"

"It means we're having dessert," The mage replied matter-of-factly. Shadow sighed, but at least he hadn't had to ask the question himself. Of course, it was still a mystery to him why they had to use separate forks, but he knew better than to question aristocrats. It was like asking Amy why she chased Sonic; she would start to go on and on about the topic, as if the answer was obvious.

"So then," Rouge piped up to change the topic, "what do you boys think so far?"

"It's…very nice," The Ultimate Lifeform replied slowly. "And it's nice to meet your parents. Almost makes me wish I had parents." After that slip of the tongue, Mr. and Mrs. Jardin stared at the siblings.

"You're orphans?" Mrs. Jardin asked cautiously.

"Nope! We're artificially created lifeforms!" The yellow-striped hedgie explained. "We were created from the DNA of a hedgehog, various other people, and the data of an alien overlord!" Shadow noted that Rouge's father was turning a bright shade of red, but before he could explode, another maid came in, followed by large trays of food.

"Dinner is served, Monsieurs and Mademoiselles," She said with a curtsy. "Tonight's dishes are the finest in French cuisine, including escargot. Please, enjoy your meal." The bats seemed pleased by this, Gemini was confused, Shadow was wondering why the escargot looked so much like a snail, and Ciel had turned a bright shade of green.

"Is it…is it really French?" He asked meekly. The others nodded, and he shrieked, causing the nearby windows and glasses to crack.

"What's the matter Ciel?"

"IT'S GONNA EAT MY FACE!!!" Now, even though this assumption may not have been all that wrong, everyone was still staring at him.

"Ciel, it doesn't look that bad," Gemini said helpfully.

"Indeed!" Mr. Jardin nodded, his moustache bouncing as he did so. "Why, this is the finest French dining; the maid said so!"

The winged sibling shook his head. "But French things eat people's faces!" On cue, Rouge tried to suppress a laugh, and failed.

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Well," Ciel began, "I was walking outside one night, and I saw this guy and girl together, and they were eating each other's faces! So I asked what they were doing, and the guy said he was _frenching_ her."

"That means they were making out," Shadow explained bluntly.

"But when you and Rouge make out, you don't eat each other's faces! Well, I don't think you do…do you?" There was an awkward silence, the only sound being that of Rouge's dad choking on his escargot.

Gemini was about to comment, but was instead given the "shut up or die" glare from his red-streaked sibling, and kept quiet.

"So…" Rouge's mother interrupted, "how about I stop my husband from choking, and then we _calmly_ finish dinner, alright?" Everyone nodded except for the aforementioned husband, who by now was on the ground, blue-faced, and half a snail sticking out of his mouth. At this, Shadow calmly pushed his own escargot off of his plate, and resumed eating the rest of his meal.

* * *

After awhile, Shadow decided that the whole point of the dinner party was quickly lost. It must have happened, he decided, after Rouge's parents began to ask about him. Not only was Shadow bad at answering questions about himself (unless the answer "I forgot" or "Maria" was acceptable), but it was probably a bad idea to let Gemini and Ciel help him with the questions.

"So then," asked Mrs. Jardin, "when exactly did you meet our dear daughter?"

"It was during a meeting with an…uh, employer of mine," He explained, ignoring Rouge's glares that meant he should shut up now. "She dropped in, we were introduced, and put on a mission together."

"Didn't you guys go to blow up Prison Island?" Ciel asked enthusiastically, despite now having Rouge and Shadow with the shut-up glare. "You told me about that one! You set a bomb on the island, but then you had to beat up Sonic, and you ended up saving Rouge because she got trapped in a vault with the Chaos Emeralds, and you didn't want to leave the gems! Right? Right?"

"Shut up Ciel!" Both the black and white furries shouted simultaneously. At this point, Rouge stormed out of the room for a breath of fresh air. Before Rouge's father could begin yelling at Shadow again since his daughter was out of the room, her mom asked, "So, how about your siblings? When did they meet Rouge?"

"She hit me in the head with her shoe!" This was from Ciel.

"…She stopped me from killing Shadow," And that was from Gemini. "You know, when I first saw her, I thought she was a hooker. But I must admit, she's pleasantly defied all my expectations…why are you all staring at me? I'm trying to eat here."

At this point, deciding that he had enough of this nonsense, Mr. Jardin lost his temper and threw a fork at the mage. After blankly staring at him for a moment, Gemini threw one back. This time, Rouge's father retaliated with a piece of éclair, which missed, and hit Shadow in the face. Everyone stared in apprehensive horror as the creamy desert slid down the Ultimate Lifeform's face.

"So, you dare to challenge _me_ to a food fight?" With an evil grin not even the devil could surpass, Shadow grabbed the nearest plate of escargot, and fired the slimy buggers at both bat and hedgehog faces. Soon, everyone was encompassed in an all-out food war, save for a small maid cowering in the corner, and Ciel, whom after deciding that French food didn't eat his face, was plucking various flying tidbits out of the air to snack on.

Needless to say, Rouge was very surprised when she came in, and had a sudden soufflé hit her square in the chest.

"What is the meaning of this?" At the sound of her voice, all action suddenly ceased.

"He started it!" Exclaimed both Mr. Jardin and Shadow, pointing at each other. Gemini ducked behind a table, just in case anyone remembered it was actually his fault, and Mrs. Jardin pretended to have not taken part in this mess. Ciel…Ciel was just wondering why all the food suddenly stopped flying.

Shaking her head, Rouge suddenly pulled out her pick-nails. Remember those? Yes, they are sharp.

"Here I was, hoping you could all get along for one night! I guess I was mistaken…all of you, start running, and beg for mercy. You have a three second head start." Everyone began getting to their feet. "Time's up!"

"Chaos Control!"

* * *

Shadow, Gemini, and Ciel suddenly landed back in their apartment. The first of the trio wiped some sweat off his brow, glad he had brought his Chaos Emerald just in case.

"Remind me never to take you to a dinner party again," Shadow ordered.

"If you ever do, remind me not to come," Gemini retorted.

"Remind me…something," Ciel added. "But don't you think Rouge will be angry that we left like that?"

The red-streaked sibling laughed. "Even if she is, she'll cool off soon. Don't worry about it; I think it was worth it just to hit her old man in the face. Nice job everyone."

The next morning, Shadow awoke to a pick-nail thrown at his head.

* * *

**Well, that was interesting. The next one is a holiday chapter, in which the age old question is answered: what would Shadow do if he heard about Santa Claus?**

**Thank you for reading! See you all in the next few weeks!**

**Oh, and for the record, the word Jardin is (I think) French for "Garden." So, Rouge's name would be "Red Garden" in French. I did that on purpose, you see. X3**


	30. Shadow, the Ultimate Santa?

**Because I need to get this done soon, I now present to you…A Brotherly Christmas! I hope you all enjoy what is not only Chapter 30, but the one-year anniversary of Brotherhood! Hooray! This chapter is part 1 of 2 of what is also the Christmas Special! Three monumental occasions in one!!! And if you don't celebrate Christmas…just laugh along at the sibling's antics. X3**

**Oh, and this chapter isn't all humor. There are some more brotherly moments as well, but then again, you probably don't mind too much. There'll still be humor, believe me. Now, read on!**

**Shadow and all related characters are owned by Sega. I own Gemini, Ciel, and Miffskin. Santa owns himself, and the bits from the poem, "A Visit from St. Nicholas" was written and owned by Clement Clarke Moore.

* * *

**

_'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house_

_Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse._

"Yeah, because we kicked the mouse out of the house," Shadow added dryly. It was December now, and the siblings were being introduced to the various December holidays. The current fixation? Christmas, for it was indeed Christmas Eve. Now, none of the siblings really knew much about the holiday, so Shadow was reading an account of what a visit from Santa would be like. He knew there was no Santa Claus, of course, but he had nothing better to do at the moment.

"Shadow, continue with the story!" Ciel, on the other hand, was convinced there was a Santa. He and Miffskin were eagerly listening to the story, while munching on candy canes…dipped in soy-sauce. Black Arms have strange taste buds, you know.

"Fine…"

_The stockings were hung by the chimney with care_

_In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there._

"I thought it was Santa!" the winged hedgie exclaimed. At this point, Gemini stepped in, dressed in an extravagant red and green coat.

"Santa Claus, St. Nicholas, and Kris Kringle are all the same thing Ciel," he explained off-handedly. "Humans just have multiple silly names for the guy."

"What about Frosty the Snowman?"

"Sure, him too." The mage plopped onto the couch next to Shadow. "Having fun sibling?"

"…Yes. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe the next verse is in order. Scoot over; the couch is getting too crowded."

_The children were nestled all snug in their beds_

_While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads_

_And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap_

_Had just settled down for our long winter's nap_

"But who's Mamma?" Ciel asked. "Is that Rouge? But I thought only married people shared a bed!" At this point, Shadow closed the book he was reading from, and thwacked Ciel in the head with it. For good measure, he thwacked Gemini and Miffskin too, the latter of which attempted to eat the book.

It was a good thing Rouge wasn't there, or else it would have been that much worse. However, she was still mad at him over the ruined dinner party. She had been nice enough to stop throwing pick-nails at his head every morning, however, so that was a definite improvement.

"Rouge is not 'Mamma' Ciel," Shadow growled. "Now, how about you get into your bed, like the stupid poem says, and dream of sugar peaches dancing in your head and whatnot."

"Sugar plums," The winged sibling corrected. "Besides, plums don't dance, no matter how much sugar you pour on them. Believe me, I've tried." Knowing that it was useless to question Ciel's reasoning, Shadow just sighed, tossing the book over his shoulder.

"Right…so, what do you two suggest we do this evening?" He asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Anything except those stupid Christmas specials on TV," Gemini said. "Seriously, I could make a better movie with sock puppets. And everyone in those movies are always smiling, y'know?"

"…No, I don't know. Ciel, any ideas?" The winged hedgie thought about this for a second, still sucking on the soy-sauced candy cane.

"Oh yeah! Don't people usually put out milk and cookies for Santa? We've got to get some fast, or else Santa might miss the house!"

Shadow rolled his eyes. "And why would this human in a big red suit miss our house because we didn't let him mooch food off of us?"

"Because that's how Santa finds the good little boys and girls! They're nice enough to leave him milk and cookies, so he smells the food, and feels so happy that they're so nice, that he leaves presents!" Again, it was useless to argue with Ciel's reasoning.

"Personally, I think 'Santa' would prefer a beer," Gemini added. "Or maybe a nice, highly caffeinated Mountain Dew. Don't you?"

"Not you too," The angst-hog moaned. "Look, how about we stop talking about some fatso who doesn't exist!"

"He does too exist!" Ciel argued. "There's stuff about him everywhere! Even in that book you just read, remember? Besides, if there wasn't a Santa Claus, where would all the presents come from?"

"The kid's parents!" Shadow explained angrily, finally fed up with it all. "It's just a ploy to get children to behave during the holidays! Everyone eventually figures out there's no 'jolly old elf' or whatever once they grow up, and that's that. They still get presents, even if they're total bastards! And why is this, Ciel? Because! There! Is! No! SANTA CLAUS!!!"

Immediately, he regretted the outburst. Tears were welling up in Ciel's shocked eyes, and the little brother looked absolutely heartbroken. Before another word could be said, he silently snatched up Miffskin, and ran into the closet that served as his room. The door slammed shut behind him, and within minutes, sobbing could be heard.

Gemini and Shadow stared at the door, slack-jawed.

"God, that was harsh Shadow," the former of the two said. "I mean…it's true, but…damn."

The Ultimate Lifeform still stared at the door. "But…isn't Ciel old enough to have figured it out by now?"

"Shadow, he may not look it, but he's still a little kid inside. He's only about nine or ten, inside his head. There are kids that old that still believe in Santa." Gemini sighed. "I know I did. Maria told us about it on the Ark, remember?"

Almost on cue, an image of Maria popped into his head. She was singing 'Here Comes Santa Claus,' tucking them into bed as she did so. They were young at the time, probably about 8 years old. He remembered a warm feeling, that happy bit of cheer. Now that he thought about it, it was the first Christmas they had celebrated, and the last; Ciel had died the next year. Shadow had almost forgotten about that, making him feel worse.

"Think he'll be alright?"

"Personally, I think you should apologize to him, but it's really up to you." Gemini stood up, fidgeting with his sunglasses. "Cookies and milk actually sounds pretty good right now…I'm going out to the store to buy some. Any kind you'd like?"

"…No. Not really."

"Suit yourself. Keep an eye on Ciel for me." The mage grabbed his wallet and strode out the door, leaving Shadow with a burst of frosty air. As soon as the door shut, all the Ultimate Lifeform had besides the silence was his little brother weeping, and suddenly, he didn't feel like such an Ultimate anymore.

* * *

It was later in that night, as Shadow lay silently in bed. He had gone to apologize earlier, after finally working up enough nerve. However, Ciel was asleep when he got there, and decided not to wake him. Gemini had returned home awhile ago, dropping by some of the milk and cookies to each of the siblings before retreating with the rest to his room.

The dreaded alarm clock read midnight, and all was silent. So quiet, in fact, that you could hear a feather hit the ground. The silence was keeping Shadow up, still beating himself up in his usual manner.

It was then that he heard the sleigh bells.

At first, he wasn't sure if they were real, or just his imagination. But surely enough, they rang louder and louder. Suddenly, there was a loud crash in the living room, and Shadow dashed out of his room to see what was going on. Ciel, Miffskin, and Gemini had been woken up too, the latter of which had half a cookie in his mouth.

In the middle of the room was Sonic, dressed in a puffy red suit with white trim. A large bag was in his grasp, and helping hold it was Tails in an elf suit. The door into the apartment was busted, the result of a supersonic hedgehog running in with that giant bag in his grasp.

"See Tails? I knew this was their apartment!"

"After running into fifty other houses…" Tail grumbled, staring with annoyance at his two tails that were covered in sleigh bells.

The Shadow Siblings stood there, unable to comment. The Blue Blur noticed, waving.

"Uhmm…Ho ho ho?"

"…Santa? Santa?!? SANTA!!!" Being glomped by Ciel, Sonic fell to the ground, Tails and the bag with him. And here you thought only Amy could do that…

"No kid…not…Santa…" The winged sibling dejectedly got off of Sonic, who was bluer in the face than normal. He stood, brushing some dust off of his jacket, leaving Tails to lift the heavy bag back up.

Shadow glared at the duo, like normal. "Faker, what are you doing in my house?"

"Well that's easy Shads!" Sonic exclaimed. "I need you to play 'Santa Claus' for the night!"

"…Huh?"

"Oh yeah…maybe it isn't that easy." Sonic shrugged. "Basically, Santa can't deliver all the presents by himself. A few years ago, I met up with him (in the old "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" Christmas special), and we made a deal. Since yours truly is so darn fast, I do half of the list, and he gets the other half. However…I can't do it this year."

"And why not?" The Ultimate Lifeform asked testily. He didn't seem to be in any bodily harm.

"Uh…well…I kinda' got the press after me…" The Blue Blur briefly pointed out the window at a barrage of reporters struggling to get past one another to the apartment. "If they figure out what I'm up to, Christmas will be ruined, because they'll force the answers they want from me and Tails! They'll find the North Pole, question Santa Claus, and crush the hopes of all the kids in the world! I'm here to save the world, not crush its hopes and dreams! So, since they're too scared to question you, I need you to do it Shads…for the world! THE WORLD!!!"

Now usually, Shadow wouldn't take up such a stupid offer. Saving a big man in a red suit's scheme? For Sonic and a bunch of kids? Now that was just idiotic. But as he glanced at his brothers, he noticed Ciel…surely, helping out old St. Nick would put things right, and he wouldn't half to apologize (which was even worse). So then, what choice did he have?

"I suppose I will this once, Sonic. Start stripping."

"WHAT?!? Shadow, I know that I'm a sexy beast and all, but don't you think this is a little-"

"-I meant for you to get that ridiculous outfit off, and give it to me, you idiot." He turned to the kitsune next. "Tails, give Gemini the bag. Now, how do we deliver all these presents?"

"With your super-speed, you simply run to all the houses on the list," Tails handed the mage the bag as he said this, and the blue-streaked furry nearly fell down with its immense weight. "Once you get to the house, enter through the chimney. Little gifts go in the stockings, and big ones around the tree. If there's no chimney, use the door. And in the unlikely event that there's no door…feel free to make one."

Shadow smirked; he liked the sound of that. "No sweat then. Time limit?"

"Let me see…" Tails glanced at his watch. "It's 1:45 a.m. now. Since kids get so excited about this, they're usually up between four and seven in the morning. Meaning…you have at least two hours and fifteen minutes, possibly more, to deliver these gifts. Not much time, I know, but-"

"Uh, Tails?"

"Not now Sonic! I'm still explaining it to them!"

"…Them who?" As the fox snapped out of explain-whether-you-want-to-hear-it-or-not mode (also known as Omochao mode), he noticed that the trio of black hedgehogs had already left. The only things around to shown they had been there were cookie crumbs, and Miffskin chewing on Sonic's ear.

"See Tails?" The Blue Blur said, "I told you this would work! Now we should be heading home." The hedgie sauntered out the door, Tails at his heels.

"Don't you think they'll be mad at you if they see you lounging around at home, instead of avoiding the reporters that aren't even really there? Since you made the whole story up in the first place?!?"

"Relax little buddy! It'll be good for all of them, trust me. In fact, they should be thanking me for this!" Shaking the pet Black Wing off of his head, he added, "And just in case they do get mad at us, we still have our super-cool escape plan!"

"…Last time you tried to escape through the chimney, you got stuck."

"Hey, I had a lot of chili dogs that week." With that said, the duo walked back into the bitter chill, leaving Miffskin behind. The alien felt lonely for a few seconds…but then remembered that there were still candy canes and soy sauce back at the house, and quickly flew off to devour them.

* * *

The first house on Shadow's list was, unfortunately, the Chaotix's place. The tiny detective agency was small, but at least it had a chimney. Shadow stared warily down the entry.

"I have to go through there? You could barely fit a chao through there! How in the world could Santa pull it off?"

"Because he's nonexistent," Ciel replied sourly. Shadow quieted down from this, instead staring down the chimney. It was go-time.

Grabbing the pack from Gemini, the Ultimate Lifeform lowered himself into the chimney, bit by bit. He took a deep breath, and then let himself crawl down the hatch, bag in tow. He eventually saw a soot-covered floor down below, the fireplace. Swinging out blacker than normal, Shadow came face-to-face with Charmy.

"OhboyohboyIfoundSantaClausohIknewyou'dcomeSantahihihihihihi!!!" This concerned the black hedgehog for a bit, for fear of being exposed. This, however, was quickly fixed by striking the bee in the head, thereby knocking him unconscious. No one ever said he had to be a nice Santa, now did they?

A few more minutes passed, in which the sooty hedgehog dug through the bag for the detective's presents, tossed them under the tree, quickly downed the milk and cookies, and wormed his way back up the chimney.

"One house down," he declared. "How many more left?"

"…About 600,002…give or take a thousand," Gemini guessed. "We should seriously start picking up the pace here, or it'll take two years instead of two hours."

Yes, speed was indeed a problem, for once. They needed a way to deliver things faster…but who would know how Santa managed his work? Shadow didn't know where the North Pole Workshop was, while Sonic and Tails were unavailable. Then who was there to turn to? Someone who knew the stories…someone he actually knew…

"…Alright then. Next stop: Vanilla Rabbit's house."

* * *

**Will Vanilla be able to help the brothers out? Will Ciel regain his Christmas Spirit? Will Shadow find Sonic, and blast his head off?**

…**I'm not sure. I haven't written the rest yet, you see. Anyway, even though it will be after Christmas, don't miss part 2 of the holiday special! Coming…eventually.**


	31. Dang Varmins and their Driving Lessons!

**…I haven't updated since December. That's…pretty sad. I'll admit that I've been busy, but man, I've been procrastinating like hell. I'm so sorry guys…I'll try not to do this again, 'kay?**

**Anyway, with the Christmas chapter…pretend that either I already finished it, or that it will be updated soon. I'll probably add part 2 in next Christmas, and then we'll all be happy. For now, onto the new chapter!**

**Oh yeah, disclaimer…Shadow and all related peeps belong to Sega. I do not own Playstation 3's (though I have one at home), trucks, cow bombs, or corn fields. However, I do own Gemini, Ciel, Miffskin, and for this chapter, a gang of hillbilly farmer-bunnies.**

* * *

Personally, Shadow was glad that the months passed so quickly. December went by with its usual holiday slowness, January flew by since nothing really went for it, and February…well, the Ultimate Lifeform had done a pretty good job of locking himself inside for Valentines Day, and minimal mushiness on his part (Save for the hordes of creepy fanletters for him, and even a few for his siblings. All letters were appreciated…as fire fuel.)

Well, February was already over. All that March had going for it was St. Patrick's Day, and that was just a day to wear green and drink scotch and such. After that was April, which had diddley squat, and now May. So, how bad could things be?

Horrendous, as a matter of fact. This was because the rent was due in one week…and there wasn't enough money to pay the rent this month.

"What do you mean, we don't have enough money?" Shadow shouted. "I thought we did, even with me not having any money from Rouge's thieving routines right now!"

"Not our fault you can't pay your part of the rent," Gemini chided, actually paying attention instead of staring at his games. "And me…well, let's just say that our usual hijinks has distracted me from my work enough, so I got…laid off, let's say. That's why I don't have any money."

Shadow sighed, not too happy with how the conversation was going. "…Ciel? How about you?"

"Well," the winged hedgie replied, "Usually, I take pockets, and I sometimes find money and wallets in them…but I haven't gotten much recently."

"You mean you pick pockets?"

"Yeah, I pick the pockets off!" In fact, in Ciel's closet was filled with pockets that he (well, Paranoia) had ripped off of random people he met. Or attacked. Or both!

Of course, this meant that neither of them really had money. It was useless to ask if Miffskin had money either, since she would rather eat money instead of anything else. In fact, in Ciel's collection of pockets and wallets, she had actually eaten all of the credit cards already, leaving them as a lump of mush under the couch. This, of course, meant that they were broke.

So, Shadow paced around the room, thinking. What could they do to possibly get some money? There weren't a lot of people willing to hire a 'crazed' Ultimate Lifeform, a lazy magician, or a childish freak with wings and his pet alien. Most of the ads in the paper were for humans anyway, since Station Square had more humans than anything else. What then?

Unfortunately, Shadow remembered his last-ditch option. It was the one he hated relying on the most, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Grabbing the phone, he dialed a number from memory.

"Hello, GUN military? Agent Shadow here…I was wondering if there are any high-reward assignments available…"

* * *

A few hours later, the three hedgies were assigned to their mission. It was of the utmost importance, having the potential to destroy the world in the wrong hands…so the officer said.

Despite this, it was in the back of a semi-truck, out in the middle of Nowhere, Illinois. As the name implies, there wasn't much there to begin with, save for infinite rows of corn fields. Now, picture a lonely highway, with a semi with content capable of destroying the world, and three half-sane hedgehogs.

Shadow was behind the wheel, and despite the urgency of the mission, was bored out of his mind. There was nothing exciting about this! No high-speed chases, no villains, and an annoying speed limit of 25 miles per hour. So, he sat there, barely touching the gas pedal as they went along.

Gemini was in the passenger seat, equally bored. Since they had been called out with no preparation, he had sadly left any and all game systems at home. Trying to find something to keep his mind from going dead, the mage was attempting at playing a game in his head. This didn't work, however; with so much corn about, the mind-game was basically various characters attacking corn-mutated bosses.

At least Ciel was having fun. He was flying overhead for surveillance. Seeing how his pet black wing had never been to the countryside before (and neither had he, for that matter), the winged hedgie was attempting to teach her what was what.

"And that down there Miffy," he concluded, "is more corn! Say it with me now; c-o-r-n."

"Mee-eee-meepem-meep," replied the bored little alien.

"Good girl! Now…hmm, let's see…oh, a cow! See, that's a cow! Say hi to the cow, Miffskin!"

By now, you get the gist of it. What was really needed was something exciting, something exhilarating, and something the author could actually write about without putting the readers to sleep. In an attempt to find something, Shadow began pilfering through the truck. He happened upon a small card with a man's face on it. It dawned upon him that this was someone's driver's license. Hmm…driver's license…

"I've got it!" For seemingly no apparent reason, the Ultimate Lifeform suddenly floored the brakes, bringing the vehicle to a sudden halt (and mowing over a few innocent stalks of corn). He then hopped out of the car, sauntered in front, and went back in through the passenger seat, where Gemini was.

"You're driving," he told his brother, pushing the mage into the driver's seat.

"What?"

"I'm going to teach you how to drive," Shadow stated simply. "It's one of those essential things to know nowadays. Also, what can be manlier than cars? Especially giant trucks like this!"

"I dunno…" Gemini muttered, fidgeting with his sunglasses. "What if my idea of manliness is mastering video games and complex magic skills?"

"Then you have sucky ideas. I'm teaching you how to drive, so just deal with it." With a look that could only be described as mischievous evilness, Shadow turned on the ignition of the car, and leaned back in his seat. "Now, you use this to steer…and this to go…and this stops."

"Do I need to pay attention to any of these dials and meters?" Gemini definitely did not want to drive; he had never been one for racing games or anything. He especially didn't want his first experience to be with a freaking truck, carrying potentially doomsday-causing cargo, and with Shadow as his tutor in the middle of nowhere. The only thing that could make this worse would to have cameramen to document this, and for Ciel to start singing. Then again, Ciel's singing could ruin anything, so that didn't really count for much.

Shadow shook his head. "Nah, just the gas. Maybe the speed limit if there's cops around." Not like Gemini knew which ones were which, of course. "What are we waiting for? Get going!" The mage stared dubiously at the pedals, shrugged, and then floored the gas. The truck shot off like a rocket, kicking dust and corn kernels up into Ciel and Miffskin's faces.

"They left without us!" The former shouted. "You know what this means?"

"Meep meeper?"

"…No, we don't devour their heads yet, silly. Come on, let's follow them. Say goodbye to the cow now."

"…meep…" The duo flew off after the speeding car, not noticing that they were being watched.

* * *

Not too far away, there was a small farmhouse of rabbits. Hillbilly rabbits, mind you. They farmed and built, and in their spare time, sat around on the porch with weapons loaded. Their only claim to fame had been winning the lottery, which had been used to buy all the nearby land for corn fields. At this precise moment, one of the younger rabbits ran up to the main farm, where the adults were at work.

"Pa! Pa!! There's anoth'r giant truck a'speedin down the road. It'sa goin' over the speed limit!" Pa Rabbit perked his ears up.

"Dang nabbit! I put those signs up fer a good reas'n! Git the guns boys; we'va got us some varmins ta shoot!" There was a loud holler amongst the various rabbits, as they all went to grab their weapons of choice.

* * *

For now, a certain red-streaked hedgehog decided, the driving lesson was a success. Sure, Gemini was trembling like a leaf, and the speedometer had broken, but Shadow did that all the time, so it was no big deal to him. The rearview mirror showed that the cargo was still safe, and Ciel (with Miffskin) had caught up with them finally. The winged hedgie and his pet were now sitting on top of the truck, the former still naming the various country residents.

"Hey looky, farmers! They look like rabbits!" Ciel paused. "Say, why do they have guns and funny hats? Shadow, I think they're aiming at us."

"Yeah right."

"They're about to shoot us!"

"Yeah right."

**BAAAANG!!**

"…They shot us."

There was now a giant barrage of holes on the door of the truck. Staring in disbelief, Shadow shook his head, pulling out a classic sniper rifle.

"Someone's just signed a death wish," He muttered. "Gemini, keep driving, no matter what happens."

"What if the truck's about to blow up?"

"Keep driving." Without another word, the Ultimate Lifeform warped on top of the speeding truck. He aimed out at the vast corn fields, and fired, hitting one rabbit straight in the forehead. Oddly enough, there was no blood or explosion.

"The hell?" Shadow checked the gun's ammo, and noticed that instead of bullets, there were corn kernels.

"The author decided that it'd be too gory if you shot all the rabbits and killed them," Ciel explained. "That, and Miffy ate all the bullets. So I figured that there was enough corn, and you could use that!"

"…You are all so dead." Leveling the rifle again, Shadow fired at the farmer bunnies with deadly accuracy, and they fell like flies. But when one fell, twenty more rose up! (Not that you could tell; seeing as they all looked the same, there was probably some inbreeding going on) What could be done? How could those darn rabbits be stopped?

"Those varmins are gittin' away!" Pa Rabbit shouted. "Grab the catapult!" A horde of rabbits dragged out a giant wooden catapult into the fields. "Ready the amm'nition!" A cow (and a rabbit who had been sitting on the catapult, and was unknowingly squashed by aforementioned cow) was strapped to the catapult.

"Shadow," Ciel piped up, "I didn't know that cows were used as bombs."

"They aren't." The angst-hog refilled his rifle with corn, a grave expression on his face. "Looks like we'll have to shoot that thing out of the sky, or the mission's failed. This is our last stand! Ciel, are you ready?"

The winged hedgehog shrugged. "Ready for what?"

"I don't know! To defend this truck from complete and utter destruction?"

"…Sure!"

"Fire in the hole!" The cow (and rabbit) was hurled into the air, flying through the sky like Superman. Shadow aimed his rifle, trigger finger ready. Ciel stood there, an amazed expression on his face. Miffskin was floating next to Ciel, wondering why the cow was so bad at flying in the first place.

Suddenly, the truck slowed to a halt. The cow, which had been aimed a few feet ahead, slammed ineffectively into the ground, with only the rabbit as padding.

Shadow stood there, at first not sure what had happened. A proud expression crept onto his face, and he glanced down at the driver.

"Perfect timing, Gemini! You stopped us from being cow-bombed!"

"Actually," Gemini said, "I think we ran out of gas. I'm pretty sure that was the dial that broke last." He pointed to a smoking dashboard, and mentally promised himself to never drive again.

"Oh," Shadow said, now a tad disappointed. "Well then…Chaos Control!" Within a few seconds, the truck and cargo flashed into the nearest Wal-Mart, which was their original destination. It occurred to the siblings that they could have done this in the first place, but they quickly shrugged it off. All that was needed now was to unpack the stuff. Running to the back, the trio wrenched open the carrier. Inside was…

"You have GOT to be kidding me," Shadow groaned. The carrier was filled with boxes of Playstation 3's, and nothing more. Gemini stared slack-jawed at the merchandise as well.

"If I had known that this was the cargo, I would have driven in a heartbeat!" He exclaimed, clambering into the truck and pulling out a box. "These things are so friggin' expensive! Do you know how much I've wanted one of these? They can do anything!"

"Gemini, we really shouldn't take that," Ciel chimed in. "I don't think GUN will like that very much."

"Screw GUN; I have money!"

"That's why we were doing this in the first place," Shadow added. "We didn't have money, so we're doing this stupid mission. So now, we get paid by GUN…"

"Or we could just steal all of these, sell them on EBay, and get tons of moolah!" The mage argued. "Besides, haven't you ever wanted one of these? It can play games, music, movies…"

"Hmm…"

Well, it remained unknown what the siblings did with the playstations. With luck, it will remain unknown. Shadow, however, later returned to the middle of nowhere, and promptly exterminated all the annoying rabbits and corn in the area.

* * *

**Happy, happy end to the scenario! I know this probably wasn't worth a five month wait, but hey, at least I'm back! This was fun to write…and also, incredibly fun to read out loud. Ever try impersonating hillbilly rabbits?**

**Anyway, to make sure that we don't have another month-long wait…I'd like suggestions! Have an idea for a funny situation with the Shadow Siblings? Well, tell me in a review or pm! I'd prefer no additional OC's unless absolutely necessary, and nothing M-rated. Other than that, tell me what you'd like to see! You may be lucky, and your idea may spark my interest!**

**Until I see you again here! If you want to reach me otherwise, you can always find me on deviantArt, remember. I seem to find more time for pictures than my stories, sadly…so drop on by, if you will. X3**


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